Finding Severus (A Severus Snape Story)

Chapter 13

 The night-terrors still invaded his sleep. The years of abuse and bullying, as far back as Severus could remember, still haunted him. His father was a constant visitor to his nightmares. The drunken wretch towering over the child,  berating, hitting, kicking before morphing into Voldemort with teeth bared. The unforgivable curses at the hands of the Dark Lord like lightning flashed. The cruelty, the torture, the innocent deaths, were all still vivid. Severus could feel the agony of the Cruciatus even in his sleep.  Nagini still slithered across the foreground of his subconscious mind, always lurking, ready to strike. 

Visions of the near-fatal snake attack persisted even in his daylight hours.  Often Severus would wake in the night in a cold sweat screaming and thrashing about. Neder ever at  his bedside insisting he take a Dreamless Sleep potion. Severus didn't want to become dependent on the sleep potions. He didn't want to become addicted to a substance, even a potion, on top of everything else.  

 At dawn's twilight, Severus sat up and leant back against his headboard running his hands down the length of his face. How could he have thought that a new life, a new name, a fresh start, could have made any difference. He was too broken. Now, half the time, he could only sleep with the aid of a potion. He had too much baggage. How could he subject a woman to all of that? How could he ever share his bed, let alone his life, fearing he could lash out in his sleep and hurt someone. Surely anyone in their right mind would run away at the first glimpse of his scars or the first night-terror? How could he subject anyone to 'him'...and how could he subject himself to...more rejection.  He tried to convince himself that anything other than a working relationship with Daphne would be a mistake. She deserved a better man than Severus Snape.

Severus didn't feel much like breakfast so, after his shower and dressing, he apparated to the Great Lodge. He found solace there in his walks during his convalescence. Perhaps it would help one more time. He walked briskly up the great lawn that lead to the hills. In the midst of Autumn the trees sported the warm colors of the season. Swathes of gold and red blanketed the landscape. It was a spectacular sight.  the deer gave him only a passing glance. They had gotten used to him walking about the place. Doves cooed, delighting in their morning meal. The horses were out grazing. The chestnut stallion with the blonde mane stood stalwartly on guard as his mares munched on sweet dew-covered grass. Severus had found the air in London a bit stifling. Here the air was crisp, clean, refreshing. He could breathe again and he felt renewed.

The elf communications network was in fine working order. Neder had arrived and had a substantial lunch waiting for Severus by the time he returned to the Great Lodge. Severus had worked up an appetite trying to clear his head, his lungs and his heart. He sat at the bounty-filled table in the courtyard and enjoyed the repast. There was fresh salmon from the nearby stream and roasted potatoes, peas and carrots from the gardens. 

"The wine is exceptional, Neder. Everything is wonderful," Severus complimented the elf lifting his glass. 

He hadn't seen all of his properties yet but he was sure this one was the jewel in the Prince crown.

Neder asked eagerly, "Is Sir feeling better?" 

Severus nodded, "Yes, Neder, thank you." 

The elf submitted, "Neder is glad his Master finds the Great Lodge a comfort. It is Neder's favorite." 

Severus sat back in his chair and considered the elf, "Neder, I served two Masters for a long time and it was not a pleasant existence. I would not want to lose you...but I do not want to be 'Master' to anyone...or force loyalty or obedience." 

Neder's pleasant expression turned to sadness, "Is Sir unhappy with Neder?" 

Severus quickly replied, "Oh, No, no. Not in the slightest...I just don't want to...enslave anyone." 

Neder brightened, realizing his Master did not understand the dynamics, "Sir has no slaves. We are all 'Free' elves. The first Baron, Claude, freed all his elves. The elves' love for the Master kept most here to work as staff in service, not servitude, to the Prince family. Over the years, we have grown in number and that love remained and is passed on in our little ones. We are given a wage, room and board in exchange for doing the work we love and serving a good family." 

Neder smoothed the front of his garment, "Did Sir ever notice the nice clean shirts Neder wears and trousers? Sir has seamstress elves too." 

Severus smiled with relief, "Yes, I did notice, Neder. And I'm honoured to have such dedicated staff...Especially you, Neder." 

Neder wiped a tear from his eye, bowed and with a 'pop' vanished.