never let me go

mending

TW: PTSD and panic attacks (both mentioned).

//

Vance Joy – Mess is Mine

"You're the reason that I feel so strong

The reason that I'm hanging on."

Harry was determined to help Draco as much as he possibly could, and Draco seemed like he was finally relenting and letting Harry help, much to his relief. And since that night he had finally broken down and let Harry comfort him, Harry had felt like they were closer than ever before, and he didn't want to let go of that feeling.

He had approached Ron and Hermione with an idea the next morning. "Hey guys, I have something to ask of you."

"What is it?" Ron asked through a mouthful of food.

"I want to see if Draco would want to start sitting with us at meals rather than at the Slytherin table."

"Okay."

"Now, hear me out – wait, did you just say okay?" he asked Ron.

"Yeah, it's fine with me. He was cool the other night when we had drinks, so I'm not bothered."

Harry gaped at him. He had expected much more of a rebuttal, but he hadn't even questioned Harry switching to Draco's first name. He looked to Hermione.

"Of course, it's fine. I actually think it's a good idea," she said. "He doesn't seem to have any friends in Slytherin anymore, so it makes sense."

"Yeah, right..." Harry was still a bit perplexed, but just then he noticed Draco enter the Great Hall. He called him over, indicating for him to sit down.

Draco seemed to come over a bit hesitantly, and when he reached the trio he said, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he said, Ron and Hermione nodding their approval. He cautiously sat down, and any awkwardness quickly dissipated as Hermione asked them how their Potions project was going. The conversation seemed to pick up right where it left off the other night at the Three Broomsticks, but with Ron included to add to Hermione's descriptions of their experiments and the extra details from their most recent lessons.

The next week progressed in a similar manner. Draco would share his meals with the Golden Trio, sometimes also joined by Neville, or Ginny and Luna. Draco seemed to settle back into their old routine in Potions classes, confidently going about their experiments. Their study sessions, during which they were supposed to be researching more experimentation methods and ways to improve their potion, usually ended with them talking for hours instead. Draco was slowly opening up more and more to Harry, and Harry found himself doing the same for him.

They were sitting on the grass down by the lake, their Potions textbooks forgotten beside them, when Harry told Draco about his PTSD.

"So, it's like unwanted flashbacks?"

"Sort of," Harry said with sigh, tossing the book that was still in his lap to the side and laying back on the grass. Draco did the same beside him. "It's more like memories that I've tried to repress pushing themselves to the surface. Forcing me to relive them. It doesn't happen all that often and usually there's something that triggers it."

Draco was silent for a few minutes. "I get panic attacks sometimes," he finally said. "They always seem to have a trigger as well."

Harry turned his head to look at Draco, and their eyes met. "If I calm you down during a panic attack, will you bring me back to the present if my PTSD hits?"

"How morbidly romantic, Potter," Draco said with a grin, and Harry's breath caught. "Of course I will."

Was Draco flirting with him? Harry had to turn back to look up through the branches of the tree above him, tearing his eyes away from those depthless grey ones before he started to overthink things. He would only drive himself crazy.

They lay there for a while in peaceful silence, watching the leaves rustle in the wind. Draco then rolled onto his side with his head propped up by his elbow and announced, "I have an idea."

"What?" asked Harry, looking back at him and noticing a mischievous glint in his eye. Harry was honestly thrilled that he was able to see this side of Draco at all.

"We should see if the Room of Requirement is still working."

"Wait, what?"

"I walked past it on my first night back, and the door appeared but I didn't go inside."

"Why not?"

"I... wasn't in the best headspace and I didn't know what it would show me, or if it was even operational."

"Ah. Okay, well I'm certainly intrigued."

"Great, let's go!" Draco jumped up.

"Hang on, right now?"

"Scared, Potter?" Draco held out a hand to pull Harry up, and Harry looked at it for a second before taking it and allowing Draco to hoist him up.

"You wish," Harry replied easily. He let go of Draco's hand somewhat reluctantly, and only because they needed to gather up the books.

They headed up towards the castle once their books were packed away in their bags, and in no time they were before the wall where the Room appeared most frequently. Nothing happened immediately, so Harry paced three times before the wall as Draco watched him. He realised as the door began to take shape that he hadn't thought of a specific room, and he prayed it wouldn't been the Room of Lost Things. He was pretty sure it would be the Room of Burnt Things now anyway.

Once the door had fully formed, Harry and Draco glanced at each other before taking a door handle each and pushing inward. When they stepped in, Harry was instantly greeted with familiarity. He tore his eyes away from his surroundings however to watch Draco instead. He looked a bit stunned at the cavernous room lined with mirrors and filled with duelling equipment.

"What is this room?" he asked.

"This is where I taught Dumbledore's Army how to defend themselves."

Draco's head snapped back towards him. "Wait, is this going to bring up bad memories?"

"No, there's only good memories here," he assured him.

"Okay, good, good..." Draco wandered over to a life size dummy in the middle of a training ring. "I'm honestly surprised the fiendfyre didn't destroy the place."

"I'm glad it didn't."

"And I'm glad you saved me from it." Draco looked back at him again, and there was a flush creeping into his cheeks. "That's actually why I wanted to come here."

Harry furrowed his brow, and Draco took a deep breath. "I wanted to say thank you. For saving my life that day. I owe you a life debt that I can never repay, but I want to try every day to make it worth it. And I should probably say thank you for sticking by me these past weeks and putting up with my bullshit, I know I don't deserve –"

Harry started walking towards Draco and threw his arms around him, almost toppling him with the force of his hug.

"I –"

"Shut up," Harry said. "You do deserve it. And you don't owe me anything, you hear?"

He felt Draco hug him back and take in another deep breath. "Okay."

Harry pulled back and held Draco by the shoulders so he could look him in the eye. Draco was only about an inch or two taller than him, but Harry's glasses had slipped down his nose a little, so he had to tilt his head up to look at him properly.

"Are you sure? You understand that you deserve the world, and nothing less?"

Draco chuckled and pushed Harry's back glasses back up his nose. "Yes, I understand."

"Do you?"

"Yes, Harry!"

"Okay. Good." Harry finally let go of Draco's shoulders. "Glad that's settled."

Draco only laughed some more, and Harry couldn't stop staring at his lips. He felt a flush creeping up his face, and quickly turned away. "I think our free period is probably over by now, we should get going."

"Right, of course."

Harry led the way, thinking of ways he could make Draco laugh again.