never let me go

burdened

TW: self harm.

//

Tom Odell – Can't Pretend

"Love, I have wounds only you can mend

I guess that's love: I can't pretend."

As soon as Harry saw Malfoy get up and speed walk for the doors, he followed him. Through corridors and up staircases, seemingly at random, Harry followed him. He couldn't believe how terrible that article had been and couldn't even begin to know how difficult this was for Malfoy. All he could do was be there for him, as he had said he would be.

He lost sight of Malfoy, but then he rounded a corner and saw the door to a bathroom. The same bathroom that Harry had followed Malfoy to two years ago, when Malfoy had been breaking down for a different reason. He felt a strong sense of déjà vu crash through him like a wave, causing an uncomfortable tightening in his chest. He hesitated before rounding the corner, letting out a long breath to ease the tension. The last thing he wanted was for this encounter to end the same way. He had a lot of regrets from that day, but he told himself it wasn't going to happen that way again. It couldn't.  

Harry entered and walked around the corner slowly, quietly. Malfoy was at the sinks, his head down. His face was visible in the mirror's reflection, red and tear streaked. He was about to say something, but then Malfoy began pulling up the sleeve of his left arm, and Harry saw against his pale skin the Dark Mark. But worse than the gruesome Mark were the cuts that covered the length of his forearm, jagged and brutal. Malfoy looked down at it in disgust. From his pocket he drew his wand, and he muttered a curse as he drew it across his skin. The wood sliced his skin like a blade, and blood dripped into the sink.

Harry's sudden intake of breath was louder than he expected, and he stepped back behind the corner. He heard the swish of Malfoy's robes as he spun around, and in a panic Harry quickly started towards the exit before he could be spotted.

"Stop!" Malfoy shouted, his voice thick. "Who's there?"

Timidly, Harry stepped back around the corner to face him, his chest tight. "It's just me. Malfoy, I didn't –"

"Potter," he snarled. "What are you doing here?"

Harry had no idea what to say. His gaze trailed down to Malfoy's savaged arm, and a heavy weight settled on his chest. He had had no idea how bad it really was, how much Malfoy was struggling. "Malfoy... you shouldn't..."

He took a few steps closer, but Malfoy only turned back towards the sink, clutching his bleeding arm with his other hand. "It's none of your business," he hissed.

"Well I think that maybe it is," Harry said, changing tactics. "Because we're friends now, aren't we? I said I would be there for you. And I understand –"

"No, you don't!" Malfoy whipped around, grabbed Harry's collar and shoved him against the wall. He pressed his wand under Harry's chin, his eyes red-rimmed and burning. "You don't understand what I've been through, you haven't done the things I've done, you didn't serve him. You know nothing, and I don't need your pity!"

He let go just as abruptly and turned back to the sink, gripping the edge with shaky hands. Harry was stunned, rooted in place.

"Just go!" Malfoy roared before he could utter a word. Slowly, Harry backed towards the exit, feeling horribly guilty for leaving but not knowing what else he could do. Just before he turned the corner, he saw Malfoy's shoulders collapse in a sob.