Stay Strong: The Diaries of a Cutter. (On Hold!)

~Michelle~

~Michelle~ 

If bulimia and self harming were drugs I’d be a junkie, a no good junkie. I probably look like one as well. You’ll probably see me walking down the streets of East LA with a dark grey hoodie, loose fitting jeans and a baseball. Considering I’m sickly skinny and tall. My hair in long brown with kinks, waves and lingering curls. I’ll probably have my sunglasses covering my bloodshot eyes, like I said before if bulimia and cutting were drugs I’d be an addict.  

I know, I know I live in EAST LA, not LA or Hollywood but either way I live in California and I’m bulimic, the fucking irony. But bulimia isn’t a joking matter. It’s a serious condition that I have. I’ve had it since I was thirteen and I hit puberty and gained so much weight in my stomach and thighs. I binge and purge weekly. I’ve found a perfect balance between it all though. So I get the healthy shit I need but I don’t gain weight. I also compulsively exercise. I think the ideal weight for me in about fifty, maybe forty-five pounds anything more is fat and anything less is disgusting.  

I started cutting when my dad died when I was twelve. My dad wasn’t my dad; he was my little sister, Erin’s dad. My dad is a no good man who deserves to get hit by a bus. Erin’s dad was part Spanish so that means his family is Spanish. Whoever said Spanish people were tight knitted people was right. We live in the same neighborhood as dad’s part of the family. We’re tight knit, they let us come and go as we please. They suspected something was up with my when I stopped eating as much as I once did. I’d have seconds’ maybe thirds of dinner but now I barely even eat dinner. I know I have a problem and I want to kick them but I’ve tried before and it hasn’t worked. So I told my mom and Erin about my bad habits. They’re sending me all the way to the other side of the Country.  

My name is Michelle Morrison, I’m seventeen. I live in East LA with my mom and sister. I’m going to Ocean View Treatment Facility because I’m bulimic and I’m a cutter.