Diamond Tears

After

Two Years Later

We are here to continue her story. I see her everywhere I go...the grocery store, the mall, even in the park. I see her in two year old Reagan, who has her eyes and nose and curly brown hair. There's no escaping her. She's everywhere and I can't sleep because I'm thinking about her. Its always been about her. I'm living in a dark paradise where all I can see is her perfectly polished nails slipping from my shirt, her eyes drifting close forever. I miss her shyness. I miss when we used to watch cartoons together, or bake, or dance around the house with the music playing. It doesn't end. It never ends. I can't be selfish, though. Miami went nuts. She was completely broken, like someone had just chopped her up into pieces. Jo didn't leave the house for three weeks straight; only coming out on the day of the funeral. Mark didn't answer his calls, and when he did, he said, "It was her who told me to stop wasting time and ask Jo out. She was the one who brought everyone together." Tris cried all the time. All she had to do was pick up Reagan and the tears would start all over again. Devon over worked, spending time into his job just so he wouldn't have to think about it. It was her dad that was the worse. He drank, cried, quit his job, over spend money, and would rant. I'm pretty sure if Sabra hadn't taken her own life after shooting Addison, he would've hunted her down like a rabid dog and kill her himself. Everyone talks about us. Not that we care. We never have to cook because someone is always cooking food for us...we've become the towns pity show. I don't want their pity. They say its ok, but that's what they said after dad died. Trust me, it doesn't get ok, it just gets worse. You realize they're gone just when you think that you've forgotten them.

We all stand in front of her tombstone, and Reagan points at it. "Mommy?"

I nod. "Mommy."

I made a promise to her that day as she slipped away in my arms. That I would take care of everyone. That I would take care of Reagan. And that I would take care of myself.

Looking around at everyone, I realize that we've all come along way. As Addison would say, "Its too late to turn back now."

I nod again, as if I'm trying to convince myself. She was right. It is too late to turn back now.