Scraps (Scomiche)

Second Place

You wake up in the middle of the night, your phone won't stop beeping. You look around, feeling confused for a few seconds, just the time you need to completely wake up and understand where you are, who you are and what the hell is this noise.

Finally you're able to think clearly and realize that the beeping sound is coming from your phone, so you move to hastily take it from the nightstand, mentally cursing whoever is ruining your beauty sleep. It better be fucking important, you think as you groan. There are a lot of notifications from twitter and you don't even understand why. You haven't tweeted in hours, and it wasn't anything particularly smart, anyway, so what the hell is all the fuss about?

You open the app, already feeling cranky from being woken up for something so stupid. You mentally say to yourself that it's probably some fangirl again, but you decide to check anyway because it could still be one of your friends. Your mood suddenly drop when you start to notice all the mentions, and after a quick scroll through most of them, you realize they're all talking about some videos.

Oh no, you think, and you start to feel a knot in your stomach while opening Snapchat. You thought right, there are indeed some new snapchats from Scott. You watch all of them once, twice, repeatedly, feeling more and more sick everytime the videos reload, but you're not able to stop. Their laughs fill your ears. You have to take a good grip on the sheets because you suddenly feel the urge to hit something, just looking at the way they act.

They look so happy it makes your heart clench, and not in a good way. Scott has that light in his eyes, and you just wish that he could have that when he's with you. But you know that he doesn't. He's happy with you, content, but it's not the same. It will never be. You wish it wasn't like this, that you weren't the second choice, but deep inside you perfectly know that it's always been like this.

You force yourself to stop watching the videos again, and you wish you could stop the flood of mentions too, because they're hurting you almost as much as the videos themselves. You simply end up muting your phone and putting it back on the nightstand, and pray that noone will call you for an emergency, tonight. 

You feel stupid as soon as you realize your eyes are filled with tears, and you wipe them away, angrily. It's the middle of the night, and you were mostly okay before you woke up alone in bed, knowing that the man you love is with the person you fear the most.

I'm pathetic.

You accepted it. It's your fault, not his. You were so stupid to hope that he would really choose you over him. You still hope that one day he'll wake up and he will realize that you are the best thing that has ever happened to him, and not only the most convenient one. That he chose you because he really loves you, and not because it's easier this way.

Deep inside, you know that you should be stronger. You should be thinking about youself more, you should realize that you don't deserve to feel like the consolation prize. You are the grand one. 

The phone screen light up the whole room. You let out a deep sigh, debating on checking it or not. You give up and take it once again. Your stomach does a twist and you're filled with mixed emotions as soon as you notice the text from Scott, with a pic attached to it. 

Scottie: Missing u babe 

You should feel happy, but you don't. If he really missed you, he would have called you or text you sooner. He didn't. He was too busy being happy and cuddly with him. Anger fill your whole being again, and you feel empty at the same time. How is it even possible? You don't understand it, but it's how you feel. 

You shut your eyes, and decide that you had enough. You're not gonna play this game with his rules, not anymore. If he wanna play with you, you're gonna play, but you will do it at your own terms. You can be better. You can be okay again. You can stand up for yourself, because you know you deserve more.

The phone lie on the bed, almost burning you with it sole presence. 

You resist for, what, ten minutes? Then you are already holding your phone, texting back frantically, almost as if you don't do it soon enough you will lose him. You lost again, just like you did every other time. 

You will try again, and again, and again. You will feel bad, and then happy, and then ecstatic, and you will reach the point when you will wonder Is it really worth it? And that will be the day when, finally, you will be able to stop. Because, Alex, you can't survive like this. 

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A/N: I don't even know what to say. I was, and I still am, in a very shitty mood. I had to let it out, somehow. 

I feel like this could relate to Seeing Through in some ways. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just using Alex, my Alex, to speak for me, like he often does.