Maybe It's You

Chapter 20

KIAN'S POV

"You knew all along and you didn't care to tell me?" I asked Ivan furiously.

Sinundan niya pala ako palabas ng emergency room. Then he told me exactly what was happening to Abigail. I was shocked. Hindi ko akalaing ganoon pala kalala ang sakit niya. But what shocked me more was that my friend didn't even dare to tell me about this?! Why do I feel like I was betrayed or something?

"Sorry Kian. Nung Linggo ko lang din nalaman. Nagpumilit kasi si Abi na 'wag ko daw'ng sasabihin sa'yo. Hindi naman ako maka-hindi." Sagot niya sa akin.

"Putangina!" I cursed. Hindi ko na mapigilan. Sobrang dami na ng nararamdaman ko ngayon, at hindi ko na alam paano magre-react.

"Kian, sana maintindihan mo. Hindi ko naman ginustong maglihim sa'yo. And that's not even the problem right now, Pare." He added. Kinakalma niya ang sarili niya like he didn't want to add fuel to the fire.

"What the fuck could be worse than having a friend lie to me in the face, huh?!"

"Abigail could die anytime soon, Kian, at ayan ka nagagalit! Tingin mo makakatulong 'yan?! How immature could you get?!" galit niyang sabi sa akin, hindi na rin nakapag-pigil. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and looked at me with furious eyes. I can almost read bad words sa mga mata niya pero hanggang doon na lang iyon, hindi niya mabigkas.

"What the hell, boys! Itigil niyo nga 'yan! Para kayo'ng mga gago!" sigaw ni Patrick from somewhere. He and Grey must have followed us here when they heard us shouting.

Pinaghiwalay niya kami ni Ivan, pero galit pa din naming tinitingnan ang isa't isa.

"Ewan ko ba d'yan at hindi maka-usap ng matino." Ivan said habang tinuturo-turo pa ako and he walked out of the scene. Bumalik siya sa loob ng ER where Jessa was. Sinundan naman siya ni Grey sa loob.

"Kian, ano ba?" Patrick said.

"Ivan lied to me! Paano niya naatim gawin sa'kin 'yon?" I said, annoyed as hell.

"Well, I don't think ginusto niya. Knowing Ivan, hindi naman mahilig magtago 'yan eh." He explained in behalf of Ivan. "Kian, I think si Abi dapat ang iniisip mo. I heard her doctor said she needs to be operated on sooner. Kaso, tinatanggihan niya."

"Bakit siya aayaw sa operasyon?" I asked with my brows furrowed.

Patrick was supposed to answer but Grey suddenly shouted from the door of the ER.

"Kian! Pat! Si Abi!" Nagpapanic siya nang sinasabi niya 'yon.

We ran back inside and there I saw how they are trying to revive Abigail back to life. Parang nag-blur at nag slow-mo ang lahat sa akin. Yakap-yakap ni Jessa ang umiiyak na nanay ni Abigail. Nasa likod nila si Ivan. Sina Grey at Pat nasa kabilang gilid ng kama tinitingnan kung paano nirerevive si Abi.

At e'to ako, nanginginig ang mga tuhod na pinagmamasdan si Abi na walang malay. My vision got blocked by the tears on my eyes. I can't almost feel myself anymore dahil sa bilis ng pagkabog ng dibdib ko.

I muffled silent prayers, kahit hindi naman ako pala-dasal.

I'd do anything. Just save her, please. Just fucking save Abigail. Please.

I repeatedly said that until I finally heard a beep from the machine and the doctor stopped doing CPR on her. She's back to life...

Nilapitan agad si Abi ng nanay niya para yakapin. Hinalikan niya ito sa noo, kahit tulog pa din ito. Niyakap ni Ivan si Jessa na umiiyak na din. Narinig ko pang sabi ng doktor na ilipat si Abigail sa ICU dahil hindi maganda ang kondisyon niya at sumang-ayon lang ang nanay niyang umiiyak pa rin. Naramdaman ko na lang na bumagsak ang mga tuhod ko sa sahig. Agad akong nilapitan ni Patrick.

"Kian, ayos ka lang?" nag-aalalang tanong nito sa akin habang pilit akong inaakay patayo. "Umuwi muna tayo. Ihahatid kita."

I held his hand and removed it from his hold on me. "It's... It was... Kasalanan ko." Naramdaman ko na lang ang sunod-sunod na pagtulo ng mga luha ko papunta sa pisngi ko. I looked down, nakaluhod pa din at humihikbi. I clenched my fist so hard that my nails are digging onto my palms. It hurt, but my heart was hurting even more.

Nakaramdam ako ng mainit na palad na dumapo sa likod ko.

"Kian, anak, wala kang kasalanan." Rinig kong sabi ng nanay ni Abigail na mas lalong nagpaiyak sa akin. I can't even look at her because of guilt. "Shh, okay na si Abi."

She continued to console me but I just kept on crying, silently blaming myself still.

She helped me stand up at nagpaubaya lang ako. Hinawakan niya ang mukha ko at pilit na inihaharap sa kanya. She sweetly smiled at me, looking at me straight in the eyes as if hindi ko kasalanan na isinugod si Abigail dito ngayon.

"Tara." Her hands moved from my face to my hand and we walked together, papunta kaming ICU because Abi was brought there already habang nagbre-breakdown pa ako kanina.

Hindi pa kami pinayagang pumasok sa loob kaya't tinitingnan ko lang siya over the glass window. She looked tired and weak. Para akong tinutusok sa puso ko nang makita ko siyang nasa ganyang kalagayan.

"Beh, uwi ka muna. Hatid na kita." I heard Ivan talk to Jessa. Ngayon lang nag sink in sa akin that there was something going on between them two, pero I am too occupied to even sense that.

Nilapitan ko sila. I sat beside Jessa quietly. Ivan was still standing in front of her.

"Sorry..." sabi ko sa pinsan ni Abi, nakayuko pa rin. I felt her tap my back so I looked at her.

"Okay lang. Salamat ha?" she said. I just stared at her waiting for her to continue. "For making my cousin happy." Dagdag niya.

I let out a small, weak smile, and avoided her stare.

"Ipagpatuloy mo lang ha?" She tapped my back again before standing up. Lumapit siya sa nanay ni Abi na nakatingin pa din sa glass window ng ICU. A nurse was inside, I think checking her vitals. Niyakap ni Jessa ang nanay ni Abi bago nilapitan ulit si Ivan at naglakad palabas. Inakbayan siya ng tropa ko and she snaked her arm around his waist.

"Sila pala? Akalain mo 'yun?" Grey spoke and that's when I realized that he and Pat are beside me now. "Okay ka na, Pre?" tanong niya pa.

Am I? I just nodded as a response.

"Ano nang plano mo, Tol?" tanong ni Pat.

I don't know, too. All I want is for her to wake up now.

"Uwi ka muna. Pahinga ka." Dagdag pang sabi ni Patrick.

I looked at Abi's mom. "Dito na muna 'ko, Pat. Ako na muna magbabantay kay Abi. Pwede mo bang ihatid mama niya pauwi?"

Pat smiled at me and played with my hair, as if I was a little boy.

"Walang problema, Tol." Tumayo na sila at nilapitan ang nanay ni Abi. Mukhang pumayag naman itong sumama sa kanila at magpahatid. Inalala niya rin siguro si Noah. Lumapit muna siya sa akin.

"Salamat Kian ha?" sabi nito. Hinalikan niya ako sa ulo bago sumama kina Pat pauwi.

I was left there at the watcher's area. The nurse went out and told me I could now go in if I want, that I just have to wear a mask and some gown or whatever and sanitize my hands. Tinanguan ko lang siya bago siya tuluyang naglaho sa paningin ko. I stood up and stared at Abi on the glass window.

I'm sorry. Babawi ako, Abi.