Call Me Ishmael

Chapter 5

Author's note: The book remains on sale at Amazon, B&N, and Smashwords, should you find a few crumpled dollars on the sidewalk in front of your house.

My mind raced faster than Finnie’s car.  Was this the undisclosed location Finnie had mentioned?  Was she as crazy as she was beautiful, with all of her talk about multiverses and interdimensional travel?  Why was a hit man after me?  And if, if what Finnie had said about Ohio was correct, did that make it the forty-eighth state? 

“Do I have to pay income taxes?”  I asked. 

“Everybody has to pay their taxes.”

“Yes, I know that, but…well, I remember my dad talking about that amendment…”

“Oh.  That.  We don’t really get into that here.”

“We’ve been to Mars?”

“No, I’ve only been as far as the moon.  Most people don’t go to Mars unless there’s a really good reason.  It’s too expensive to just go for fun.”

“Oh, well, yeah.  The price of gas and all, I guess.”

Finnie placed her palm on a glowing panel mounted on the flat gray stone.  I heard a slight hum, and a bit of the wall slid away.  She stepped through.  She had quite a way of stepping through that focused my attention on the entire process of stepping through.  “Wow,” I breathed, and stepped through.

The light was soft and had a bluish glow; it was bright enough to see Finnie walking away from me.  I stopped to look around, and she stopped.

“Why did you stop?” she asked.

“I’m not sure.  Something doesn’t feel right.”

She turned and strolled back to me.  She turnrf like a ship in the harbor, graceful, but with majesty that made my jaw drop.  She paused halfway across the room, and I closed my mouth.

“Sorry about that.  I must look like an idiot.”

Finnie’s face changed.  It became hard as granite, cruel and ready to hurt someone.  Being the only someone around, I became nervous.

“What's going on?”  I hiccuped. 

“It’s not happening.”  She crouched down like a ninja ready to catch an arrow in mid-flight. 

“What?”  Another hiccup.

“Me.  You.  Us.  Get it out of your head.  I need you to focus with me.”

“Who?”

Her eyes blazed at me.  “No more time.  Come on!”  She spun and ran down the same hall I had noticed before, but I still didn’t move.  Maybe it was all some sort of trick.  And anyway, Finnie ran in an interesting fashion that encouraged study, and I’ve always prided myself on being a good student.

An explosion rocked the room, and smoke billowed in through the door. 

“Smashing entry, what?” Niles stepped into the room.  “Although, I must be fair here, the door was wide open.  One enjoys making an entrance at times, I suppose.”

“Niles?”

“Yes, it’s me, old bean.  I was looking for Finnie.  Have you seen her?  I’ve misplaced my keys, and thought she may have scarfed them up.  She’s a ripe old egg, but a bit sticky-fingered about keys and such like, don’t you know.”

I could not move.  Niles’ stream of consciousness had me utterly rooted to the spot, and I found myself feeling like I had just taken a large draw on the world’s coldest slush drink.  You know the kind.  They come in a variety of flavors, but for my money, the cola is the only one worth drinking.  The dispensing machines tend to be temperamental, so sometimes I have to settle for orange or blue.  Regardless of flavor, taking a big sip on the wide straw never fails to produce a delicious pain in the forehead.