Call Me Ishmael

Chapter 32

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The plant life of the jungle was so exuberant, so vibrant, that vines were already climbing over the house. It still lay on its side, right where the beast had left it, but it was clear that the jungle would consume it rapidly. There was no sign of Kong. Just in case, Finnie and I scouted around the area where she had pried his finger from her middle. The creature's tracks were as plain as a dead fly on top of a dish of vanilla ice cream. She looked at me, and nodded. Stepping down into one huge footprint, she measured it with her own perfect feet. Her toes flexed, and she put her left foot in front of the right, and then her right in front of the left. Three paces, and there was still a bit of space between her delicate toe and the edge of the track.

"Wow. That was some ape," I said.

Splice was more pensive. "Impressive software, more like. But still, impressive." She reached over and squeezed Niles on his shoulder. "Kind of like my man, here."

"Oh, I say. That's really rather much, don't you think?"

I agreed; a public display of affection always sickened me in a vague, unsettling way. I felt some things should be private, and take place in private. Affection was one such thing; cleaning of the nose was another. Doors were created for a purpose, and people should use them.

At the house, we gathered round. I felt a little bit sorry for Niles with his silly, vacant face; but it was hard to work up too much sympathy. After all, Splice was not a bad looking girl. If I had never seen Finnie, I would think her very attractive, in a sort of Japanese manga, anime way. I decided to point it out to him.

"You need to grow up, Niles. Count your blessings. If you wind up with Splice, would it be so bad?"

"Oh, you couldn't understand. Listen, old sock, mater and pater are liable to cut off my allowance if I bring home a girl with a tail. One tries to be progressive and all that, but they're rather set in their ways."

"Right. Well, count your blessings, anyway, Niles. It could be worse."

"Ishmael's making sense, Niles. By the boiled head of my father's only goat! Look at my wife, if your eyes can stand it. Her own mother nursed her with a bag over her head." Bety rubbed his leg on the eave, apparently trying to scratch an itchy patch somewhere in an undisclosed location.

"Bety!" Finnie and Splice called at once. Neither was welcoming; both sounded like they would be ill.

Splice gagged. "I knew my isepalators were feeling fragmented. I can't have them in a state of diminished recalibration just as Niles is about to fall madly in love with me. The digitaliti would have fits."

"It's all right, Splice." Bety jumped down from the house. "You all left me behind, and I've been waiting for a while."

"Left you behind? We never saw you!" I was mystified. Bety would have been handy when we faced the Swarm."Well, Ishmael, there some things a man's got to do that he should do alone, away from prying eyes. I'd be happy to describe it, though, if Splice asks."

"Never."

"Well, there you are and here we are. And don't look behind that bush, by the underbelly hairs of Zeus' smallest greyhound! I can't be responsible."

"Never crossed my mind, old chap." Niles sat down, and Splice dropped beside him.

Finnie stood still, making the curtain look very good, better than on any window. She planted her feet firmly apart and started tapping items off with her weaponized finger. "Okay. Everyone's accounted for. We're heading back to the Base to finish this thing. We have..." She checked the time device on her wrist, tapped it, and frowned. "This thing must have stopped."

My insides gave a rumbling lurch. "When? How long ago?"

"I could answer that, if it had that function, and it was working. Which it isn't. We need to hurry; we may have only minutes to spare."

That felt right to me. All through my life, I had turned procrastinating into a fine art. In my experience, there was never a better time to do any task than right at the last possible minute. I realized now that part of my unease was not having the sense of urgency. Now it was back, with a vengeance.

"Alright," I said with more firmness than I had any right to, and the others stopped talking and bickering to listen to me. Being in control was a wonderful, powerful feeling; it was intoxicating. I realized why power was such a powerful thing. "Everyone, let's get back in the house, back in the first room. That's where we landed, and hopefully where we can be picked up."

Splice shook her head. "I think we should stay right here."

My feeling of power ebbed immediately. Instead of repeating my order, I asked, "Why?"

Splice pointed to her tail. "Because this, which you all have been making fun of, and, may I say, without naming any names, Bety; making lewd comments about, is a dimensional-homing device. If everyone can gather around and take hold of it, we can be back at the Base dimension immediately."

Bety grinned. "Never thought I'd get an invitation. Grab hold, then!" He seized Splice's tail near the end.

"Move your hand down, Bety, and stop squeezing so hard. You're going to break it."The rest of us grabbed hold. I'm sure we looked ridiculous, but there was little else we could do. Splice checked to be sure each of us had a firm grip, and did what ever she did. The house, the jungle, and everything around us faded away, like the faint smoke of a smoldering Pop-tart.

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