Society Says // Seungin

~Eleven~

::::

Seungmin:

Day 5

I'm so confused. For the past few days, Jeongin has been purposely ignoring me. At first, I thought maybe his phone was dead, or he was never home. But he's literally avoiding me in the hallway, and whenever I try to talk to him, he just doesn't listen.

And it's infuriating me. I've done nothing to him, and now he's just choosing to ignore my existence?

It just makes no sense. Only a few days ago, we were talking on the phone, just acting like friends. And now, it's like all that was taken away from me.

It's stressing me out too. I'm already dealing with so much, but I've been handling with pretty well. I haven't let the whole fading thing get to my head, but now the one person who actually understands what I'm going through is acting like I don't exist.

And, I think the stress is causing me to fade faster now. When Jeongin called to ask the other day, I didn't really notice anything different. I just didn't want him to think it was only happening to him.

But now, I see what he is talking about.

I need to get him to talk to me. I want to understand why he's doing this. And I need to get myself to start fading on schedule again, because I don't want to die this quickly.

And I won't let that happen.

::::

I decided to go relieve my stress. Calm me down a bit, and maybe that will help.

And since I'm home alone, this is the perfect opportunity. I don't have to be timid.

After I finished my homework, I walked downstairs to the big piano in the living room. Whenever I play when my family was home, I have to hold back. But now, I can let myself free.

I started playing whatever I felt. I didn't have sheet music in front of me, I was just letting my hands play what they wanted.

As I played, I sang random lyrics that came to my mind. I don't usually write because I could never get the correct words out, but maybe not trying so hard will be better.

Singing really helps me forget about all my problems. If I'm focusing on the lyrics, the tone of my voice, and the right piano keys, I don't have space to think about fading.

Or Jeongin.

But, that didn't really last long. Cause as I was playing, my right hand started to glitch again.

"Damnit," I cursed under my breath, stopping my left hand from playing. Your right hand is kinda key to playing piano.

I sighed, and then thought of an idea.

I started singing one of my favorite songs, congratulations by Day6. I wasn't quiet. I sang my lungs out, putting emotion and love into the song as I sang the chorus.

And, my hand stopped glitching. I was able to touch and move it no problem.

I smiled to myself, a sense of satisfaction filling my body. I was able to stop glitching by singing. It takes away my nerves, and helps my body feel relieved. And that'll help my fading slow down, even just a little bit.

Take that, universe. And take that, Yang Jeongin.

I don't need you.

~

Writing that last sentence broke my heart 🥺