Society Says // Seungin

~Ten~

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Yang Jeongin:

Day 13

I feel terrible. Guilt is not a fun emotion to be feeling when you're dying. Along with the fear and sadness, guilt is the last thing I need.

It's only been three days, and ignoring Seungmin has been the most painful thing ever. I feel like I'm betraying him in a time of need.

I've blocked his number and all socials, I avoid him at school, and don't answer the door when he tries to talk to me at home. 

It's just not my ideal way of dying.

Now, I'm walking in the hallway, Chan next to me holding my books. He's offered to help me ever since I started fading, just incase it happens while I'm trying to get to class, he can help me.

We were just chatting, when I noticed Seungmin coming my way. My heart beat started to increase as I panicked.

"Chan, Seungmin's coming. Let's go," I spoke, as we took off for the courtyard outside. The two of us alone have been eating here for the past three days so I don't have to interact with Seungmin.

It hurts my heart.

Once we sat down at a picnic table, I sighed and put my face in my hands.

"This blows," I mumbled. As much as I hate avoiding Seungmin like this, it has to be done.

Maybe by doing this I will get over my crush, and stop fading. And if we get lucky, Seungmin not seeing me will help him get over me too, and we will both live.

It's the only way I can think of saving us. I'm just trying to think of the positive here!

Chan sat down next to me, and rubbed my back apologetically.

"I know it blows. I'm so sorry this is happening to you," He comforted. I nodded and smiled at my friend.

"Do you think this will work?" I asked. He looked at me confused.

I sat up a bit, facing him.

"I mean, cutting Seungmin out of my life like this. Do you think not seeing him will help me stay alive?"

Chan shrugged, and didn't meet eye contact with me. I could tell he was trying to figure out something positive to say.

"I wish I could tell you it will, but I can't give you false hope," he started, "Have you been seeing any positive results?"

I stopped to think about the past few days. I mean, maybe I haven't been glitching as much, but it's still happening. So, if it won't stop me completely, at least now I won't be days ahead of schedule.

I explained that to Chan, who perked up a bit.

"Hey, that's good! I'm sure with a few more days, you'll be fine!"

We exchanged a smile.

His encouragement means a lot to me, but I know it won't stop me from completely fading. The first person to fade that I learned about still faded even though she changed her way of life, and the worlds been against me enough. If it didn't work for her, it definitely won't work for me.

But, if I learned anything from that documentary, it's that you can't fight fire with fire. Problems will occur, and life will go on regardless of it.

So maybe, I will fade. Or maybe, I won't. But I know that this is happening for a reason. There's a reason for everything.

The question is though...what's the reason it's happening to me?

~

Hi everyone ^^

What are your thoughts on the book so far? :,)