A Love Like No Other

Chapter sixteen

Natasha POV :

He loves me... Steve is in love with me.

The second I heard the three words come out of his mouth, I felt a warm pleasurable feeling travel around my body...Only to be quickly replaced by a sharp pain in the chest.

Love is for children.
The mantra I grew up with...
Love is not enough.
The lesson life taught me...

Those two sentences started echoing in my head.
I wanted Steve to be happy and I couldn't give that to him.
Me and my broken soul could never provide him the happiness he so deserved.

So I turned around and started crying.
Because it hurt. It hurt to know that the man I fell in love with felt the same way about me and yet, I couldn't be with him.

All I wanted to do was to throw myself in his arms and tell him that I love him too.
But that was not an option.

Because I loved him and thus wanted what's best for him. I had to hide my feelings, even if it would result in a pain that could probably kill me. I had to act as an adult, not a child.

So I dried the few tears on my face and eventually turned back around to face him.

"Steve... you can't"

"I can't what ? Love you ?"

I didn't answer and kept looking at him, too focused on trying not to let anymore tears fall.

"But I do Natasha and you know that I can't control it"

He took a few steps towards me and stopped just inches away from my face.

The look on his face, a mixture of sadness and disappointment, just made the pain in my chest increase.

I took a deep breath and avoided his insistent gaze.

"You can't tell me you don't feel something too Nat. Not after that kiss"

I channelled all the strength that I had left and pronounced the words that I believed would forever haunt me:
"That kiss was... it was a mistake. I got lost in the moment. It made me realise that..."

I felt my throat closing up, completely dried. Just the thought of what I was about to say made me feel sick.
The spy that I am had never faced difficulties when it came to lying, or even making up stories that could easily lead me to death but the lie I was about to tell Steve felt like the hardest thing I had ever faced.

"I don't love you that way Steve. I love you... as a brother."

I could feel all the tears I had been holding back at the merge of falling, the pain in my chest having spread to every single cell in my body.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered and put my hand on my mouth in an attempt to suffocate a sob as I saw his eyes getting watery.
I couldn't bare seeing him like that, knowing that it was because of me and rushed to the door. I left my own room, locked myself in the first empty room I found and silently cried.

When I came back to my room about an hour later, Steve was gone. An image of his face when I left him there appeared in my mind and sent another wave of throbbing pain in my chest.

I closed the door of the room and spent the rest of the day locked in there.
Some of the other Avengers tried to make me get out but I refused.
Clint even brought me food multiple times throughout the day but got the same negative answer every time. Food was the last thing I had in mind and I honestly felt like I would throw up if anything entered my organism.

The next morning I woke up with a huge headache and the same sharp pain in the chest.
I had barely gotten any sleep but couldn't care less. I only had one thing in mind, or rather in person : Steve Rogers.

After a shower, I went down to grab something to eat. Even if I was still not in the mood to eat anything, my stomach really made me understand I needed to.

When I got to the dining room, I was not surprised to see everyone but Steve.
I quickly greeted them all and reluctantly joined them, after Clint convinced me to.

The day went by pretty slowly and when I saw that it was 8p.m. but still had not seen Steve, I got a little worried.

I was wondering how long he planned on staying locked up in his room when I heard Sam and Bucky talk about him and how heavy-hearted and sad he seemed when they were hanging out in the living room together, which meant that Steve had come out of his room but was avoiding me.

I knew I was probably the last person he wanted to see but I really wanted to talk to him because I was hoping we could still be friends.

I decided that it was best not to go look for him and talk to him in person for now but since I really needed to let him know my position on our current situation, I decided to send him a text, hoping he would actually answer.

Nat : I'm really sorry for what happened yesterday... I understand that you don't want to talk to me right now but I just wanted you to know that our friendship is really important to me and I was hoping we could preserve it...

I put my phone down and waited. After about ten minutes, which honestly felt like fifty, I heard a sound coming from the device, indicating that I received a message. I slowly picked it up, my hand visibly shaking, clearly scared of what I was about to read.
What if Steve didn't want us to be friends anymore?

Steve : I care about you and want us to stay friends too Nat but I need time.
So for now, I think it would be best if we just distance ourselves and take a step back for a bit. Don't worry, we'll be fine :)

I stared at the screen and once again was hit by that same sharp pain in the chest.
Seeing the text, I felt like the consequences of yesterday's events were slowly overwhelming me.
What if that distance just drove us even more far away from each other?
What if everything ended not being fine?
What if I had just lost my partner? The man I loved ?

I put the phone down and laid on my bed. I started staring at the ceiling, wondering if I had made the right decision or the biggest mistake of my life.

———

As always, I hope you enjoyed reading the chapter :)
I'm not exactly 100% satisfied with it but figured I should post it anyway ( and maybe edit it afterwards when I'll have the time to )
Tell me what you think about it in the comments !! I look forward to reading your opinions!

🖖