What if?

Chapter Nine

Kate stormed through the bull pen and sat at her desk.

"Beckett?"

Kate looked up. Esposito stood by her desk. Kate almost blushed when she smiled at him. "Hey Espo."

"You okay?"

"Fine." Kate stared down at her desk.

"C'mon, first round's on me." Esposito grabbed Kate's jacket and helped her into it. Kate let him. She spied Rick being escorted from the interrogation room. He faltered when he glanced up to find her with Esposito. Kate turned away and couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face. She let Esposito walk her to the elevator. They drove down to the nearby bar, went inside and ordered.

"Yo," Esposito called to the bartender. "Bourbon."

"Bacardi. On the rocks please."

"Ah, I see we're pulling out the hard stuff? What's going on?" Esposito took a long pull of his drink.

"N-nothing." Kate knit her eyebrows and focused on her drink in front of her.

"C'mon Kate. I've known you for nine years. I'm a freaking detective. I can tell when something is up." Esposito turned to face Kate directly. "So what's up? This case getting to you?"

Kate wondered just how much she admired Rick as a writer and knew of her book collection. She knew he knew she had a book or two of his. That was all, right? Kate tried to think back if Esposito had ever found her stash of books.

"No." She answered.

"Something wrong between you and Montgomery? You and Ryan and I?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"It's complicated, Javi." Kate said, trying to steer away from where this was headed.

"I'll do my best to keep up."

Kate sighed. "This guy. I knew him for a long time. We were really close friends. One day he met a new girl and took her and his daughter to the Hampton's for the summer. No 'goodbye's', no notes, no anything." Kate swallowed her drink quickly and ordered another.

"He just left?"

"He just left." Kate repeated. Her drink came and she gulped it down.

"Kate, I'm so sorry."

"Javi, I, uh, got to go." Kate laid down some money and stood.

"Go where exactly?"

"Home."

Esposito gave Kate a wary look. "Alright, call me if you need anything." He said after a pause.

"Thanks Javi." Kate nearly ran out to her car. She got in a blasted the radio, trying to mute out the world. Kate drove to her appartment, tears silently streaming down her cheeks.

She got to her apartment and threw her keys into the little dish by the door and paced around. She raked her fingers through her hair and hastily snatched the phone from it's cradle to call Lanie.

"Kate?"

"Hi Lanie."

"What's up?"

"Do you uh, want to come over? We can have some wine."

"Sure. Is everything okay?"

"I'll explain when you get over here."

"Okay, I'll be over in five." 

Kate threw the phone on the couch and rushed to clean up old take out boxes and straighten furniture. She grabbed a bottle of Lanie's favorite wine and set it out with two wine glasses as her door buzzer rang. Kate lept across the kitchen and living room, giddy Lanie finally showed up so she could spill about Rick.

"Lanie, hey." Kate stepped aside so Lanie could enter. 

"So what's up?" Lanie set down her light jacket and producing a bottle of Kate's favorite wine said, "Wine?" Kate didn't argue. She and Lanie walked into the kitchen and uncorked the bottle.

"Spill. Tell me everything." Lanie said, once they had poured two glasses of wine and had migrated back to the living room. 

"Where do I even start?" Kate mused and brushed a strand of hair from her face. "This can never get to Ryan, Espo or Montgomery."

"Damn girl, are you in some sort of trouble?"

Kate pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation. "Criminally and physically, no. Romantically, yes."

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Lanie set down her glass and eyes get friend.

"Richard Castle-"

"You're sleeping with Richard Castle?" Lanie exclaimed. "You mean the Richard Castle? You're favorite author?"

"Lanie, Lanie no! No. It's not like that. Ten years ago my mom was stabbed. She almost died."

"Yeah, I know."

"The reason my mom is alive today is because if Rick. He saw the whole thing and ran to help my mom. He called an ambulance. H  saved her life.

"Everyday he'd go to the hospital and visit my mom. He even replaced her expensive blouse. He became part of the family. His daughter and I became like sisters. We'd go out shopping all the time or go for lunch. She was- she still is, I'm sure, the sweetest, smartest girl ever. I thought Rick and I were getting alone, but one day he found a new girl. they started dating and soon he and is daughter and his girl had disappeared up to the Hamptons. Gone. Just like that. No notes, no "goodbye's". Next thing I know I'm getting an invitation to their wedding." Kate sniffed.

"Oh Kate, I'm so sorry." Lanie sadly looked at hr friend.

"God Lanie. I was such a big fan and them he came into my life and saved my mom. He was like a hero to me." Kate started to cry. "I thought I was over him. I had just gotten over him when all of a sudden he's in my life again. We brought him down to question him about the case. He doesn't even seem to remember me or anything that happened ten years ago. It's like whatever we had never happened to him. Like saving my mom never happened." Kate felt hollow inside. She brought her knees up to her chin and hugged them close to her chest.

"You need more wine. Hell, I need more wine." Lanie got up to retrieve the bottle. Kate started blankly at the door to the kitchen where Lanie had disappeared. She quickly returned, bottle in hand along with the second bottle Kate had left out. She handed the bottle to Kate and sat down. "We're going to need as much as we've got. So what are you planning-"

Three crisp knocks echoed in the apartment. Kate glanced at Lanie, who only shook her head. Kate got up and peered through the peephole. She turned back to Lanie and threw her hands up in the air.

"Who is it?" Lanie asked.

"It's Rick."

"Castle?"

Kate nodded.

"Well what's he doing here?"

"I dont' know." Kate whispered.

"Answer the door!" Lanie insisted.

"No!" Kate hissed.

"You do know I can here you two?" Rick called through the door. Kate rolled her eyes. "Please, Kate. Please just let me come in."