the blackest of widows || n. romanoff ASSEMBLE ✔️

семь

the red room academy
russia

BEFORE
galina

I WAITED for what felt like hours. After we finished our routine. After Nina's dead body was dragged out. After we went back to normal, like no one had been killed.

Supper had come and gone and now I was locked in my room. Sleep did not visit me, even though my body and mind were both heavy with sleep. My thoughts were consumed with what was happening to Natalia.

The ceremony was going to kill her. It was going to crush her soul. I knew it would. Even though she had told me time and time again that she didn't want kids, that she only wanted me and her, I knew it would still destroy her.

It was another freedom taken away from her.

Her bed laid perfectly made, as it was this morning. I sat on my bed and stared at it. I wondered if she'd be sleeping in it tonight. Or maybe they would keep her overnight in the medical room.

I hoped not.

I ended up in one of her shirts. Though it was identical to the one I owned, it smelt of her. It was softer too. It made me feel safer and calmer; which I knew was ridiculous.

The time must have passed by, even though I have no recollection of it doing so. The lamp on the dresser stayed on, because I was too afraid to turn it off.

Sometime, probably in the middle of the night, the lock on the door unlocked.

I had just finished counting the dots on the ceiling for the second or third time when the door opened and Natalia walked in.

The door shut and locked behind her.

"Natalia." I said breathlessly. I got up from the bed and moved towards her, helping to support her body.

"Everything hurts." She said.

I felt tears in my eyes at the sight of her in pain. "Okay, alright. Let's get you in bed." I said softly.

She allowed me to lead her towards the bed, and once she was lying down, I worked at undressing her.

"It will be okay." I said.

Natalia shook her head as tears flowed freely. "It hurts. Everything hurts."

My heart ached. Natalia had always been strong. She was sturdy. I was always able to fall apart because she stood still. I leaned on her for everything.

But now that the situation had reversed I'm not sure what to say or what to do. I want to help her, support her, but I felt foolish. How could I not be able to aid her in any way?

My mouth was dry as I asked, "What can I do? How can I help?"

"I want to be free."

"I know. You will, one day. I promise. Come on, let's get you dressed." I said.

It took a few minutes but eventually I got her into sleeping clothes. And once she was she latched onto me. So much so, I ended up cornered between her and the wall.

Her arms were tangled around my body in a way they had never been before. Her face was pressed into the curve of my neck and my hands stroked the back of her head as she cried.

Our legs were tangled together and the thin blanket was draped across our bodies.

"It will be okay." I whispered to her. I was not sure what else to say.

"It was so awful. It hurt so bad. I still can feel the metal." She cried and helped onto me tighter.

My mind drifted for a moment as I thought about what it was like. I was lucky enough not to have had the ceremony just yet. In another year, maybe.

"You must have turned eighteen recently." I said. "For them to do the ceremony."

"Yeah, I guess I did." Natalia sniffled. "I will probably get assigned soon."

I fell quiet and held onto her tighter. I couldn't imagine she will be sent away. But once she is assigned, most likely as an associate to Madame B, she will move out of the bedroom.

I'll hardly see her. I couldn't stand the thought. I needed something happier.

"Do you remember?" I asked, forcing her to look up at me. "Do you remember when you first kissed me?"

A small smile appeared on her face. "Yes, like it was yesterday."