Autumn Leaves and Teenage Dreams

37. A Long-Awaited Night

"Smile!" my mother calls out as I stand near the rose-bushes outside our home. They're blooming again in swirling colors of red, pink, and white. I've been here before, only about six months ago, but it feels like an eternity since I've relived this moment. The cool air of autumn, the orange leaves that were coating the lawn, are now replaced by warm spring air and blooming flowers in our front yard.

I pose in my long red dress, thinking of all that has changed in the months since that night. My last dance, I met Aurora, and while I despised her at first, or rather despised myself for paying attention to her, the late winter and early spring months in between were beautiful, enlightening, romantic, and even now, I still crave those days.

A month ago, I would have thought Aurora would be standing next to me, wearing the corsage I had especially picked out for her. My parents might not have been okay with it yet, but we would smile, and we'd be happy. I would be happy.

There's no Colton or any equivalent for me to pick up and drive home tonight. I'm relieved to not have a date. I'm sure my parents are as well. I'm not sure how they would have reacted if I'd actually planned on bringing a girl as my date, even if the school would view it as an informal gesture.

I smile. I pose. I take a traditional photo with Fry. I squeeze my siblings close. I pretend to be happy.

This was going to be our night. That's what I had thought.

I try to tell myself there's some fun for me tonight. I have photos with Abigail and Hazel after this. Dinner will be served at prom, so I won't have to worry about paying for food and handling tip. I even plan to go get dessert later tonight. But I still feel empty inside.

"Have fun tonight," my mother says.

"Thanks," I say.

"Luckily you don't have to drive anyone home," my father says, winking at me.

I weakly smile. "Yeah."

I put on the same façade when I arrive at Abigail's house later. I greet her and Hazel with feigned enthusiasm and hope that I will at least appear happy and free-spirited when I look back on these pictures years from now. Perhaps I will not even remember what I was so upset about. But right now, these feelings of sadness are all that consume me.

I have to compose myself in the bathroom before we head out to the school. I hold back tears as I stare at myself in the mirror, thinking of how my makeup will be ruined and how my friends will be easily be able to tell through swollen eyes. I hate feeling this way. I hate missing Aurora like this. I hate thinking of the night I wanted this to be. It's moments like these throughout the night that I wish I had merely stayed home.

Nevertheless, we arrive to the dance itself. The gym looks nicer than normal and certainly a step-up from Homecoming. There are tables neatly aligned for us to eat, as well as an area to dance. It is at this time Juliet joins us. She seems in good spirits, even if the food is mediocre.

As I pick at my food, I catch a glimpse of Aurora's red hair. I stiffen and turn away. I don't want to see her dressed up. I don't want to see her having fun with her friends. And I for sure don't want to see her with a date.

Eventually, dinner ends, and it's time to dance. I weakly dance with my friends. Luckily, I'm such a bad dancer to begin with, that they don't sense anything is wrong when I awkwardly sway my legs back and forth and perform the bare minimum of movement. We take breaks to get water and say hi to some other classmates. I briefly catch glimpse of Allison and her boyfriend trying to grind in the center of the dance floor. She seems to be doing just fine without me.

As the dance continues, I become more tired, especially because I'm frequently scanning the room to make sure I don't run into Aurora.

Then, the slow song comes on. My friends seem content just chilling near the sidelines or dancing in a circle, but I tell them I need a drink of water. I find my way back to our table and just take a seat. Letting out a sigh, I rest my head on my hands, trying my best not to cry. I had visions of Aurora and I during this time. Maybe not slow-dancing in public, but maybe sneaking away into a corner, the bathroom, somewhere, where we could be alone.