Are you going to kiss me?

10

There's no words for last night. It was incredible, it was magical, it was everything I dreamt of. We were fooling around from midnight to 5 am just swapping the roles of pleasure. We tried all sorts. Toys, role play, lap dances. You name it, we tried it. I would have never thought it was Emma's first ever time with a woman, she is naturally incredible at everything.

The way she threw me onto the bed, forces me to roll over, pins me to the mattress and cuffs me to her headboard. Her strength was so dominant and alluring.

Although we only went to sleep at 5 am, I'm still waking up at 7am maybe to just get another round of fun with her, or maybe to have a sweet breakfast before she takes her flight at 12pm. I want to drive her to the airport and give her the best goodbye for now she can imagine. Because that's all it will be. Goodbye for now. I know she will be back, or I know I'll be chasing after her eventually. We have an undeniable connection and 10,000 miles is not going to stop that.

I stretch all my limbs and spread my arms in hopes to find a sleeping beauty beside me, but nothing. My eyes pry open to the daunting sunlight and I scan the room but nothing.

"Emmie" I shout, still nothing.

I jolt up in bed frantically. It's 7.04am, where on earth could she be other than in my arms. I throw on the closest tshirt I can find, which seams to be her baggiest top on the floor, her concert top from 4 years ago. I know this, because we was talking so much last night, I now know things about her nobody else will ever know.

I tiptoe out of the bedroom and search for the mysterious blonde but the place looks so empty. The lights are off, the curtains are open, there are no keys to be seen on her key hook and worst of all, her shoes not in the space she kicked them off last night and her red leather jacket is no longer hanging on the back of the chair.

"Oh emma..." I sigh with a slump as I come to realisation as to what's happening.

She's scared. Scared of her feelings and scared of committing to everything that's real between us both. She enjoyed last night and I know she did, so why does she feel the need to run.

As I pull out my phone and dial her number, I see a letter on her kitchen island and to no surprise she didn't answer her phone. So I wonder over to the letter with a heavy heart not knowing what to expect.

'Dear Roni,
I like you so much, more than I wanted to let myself. If I'm being truthful, I was drawn to your mystery, sexy, confident persona and I couldn't pull away from you. You took me into your home, your job and helped me get to here. I wouldn't be here in New York doing my firefighter training if it wasn't for you Roni.

And that's where I am. New York. I took an early flight. As soon as you fallen asleep I packed a light bag and took off, so if you're reading this, I'm probably in New York by now.

You ask why? Why didn't I just wait until my original flight so we can spend one last morning together. I'll tell you why Roni.

Because last night was so amazing, because you are so amazing, because we are so amazing together. I couldn't imagine not meeting you, you are my light Roni and someday I will come back for you, no matter how long it may be, wait for me.

I'm so sorry Roni. I'm sorry. I left so early because I couldn't bare the thought of saying goodbye to you, knowing I'm not going to see that beautiful freckle beside your shimmering eyes. Or that rough sexy scar above you lip. Or that beautiful beauty mark on your shoulder. I left because saying goodbye to you would without a doubt be the most difficult thing I could ever do and if i stuck around, because...

Roni... I.  Love. You.'

It becomes more and more difficult to read through the tears threatening to fall. She was worried I would be holding her back, and I shouldn't be the one to hold her back from her dreams. And I would never forgive myself for stepping in the way of that.

But what makes it even harder... is that she said she loves me. This is most definitely the best thing I have ever heard. This short time we've known each other and our feelings have got stronger and stronger and finally our connection is right there on paper in front of my eyes.

She loves me. which is why she had to let me go, why she had to leave so early, why she couldn't say goodbye.

So why do I feel so guilty about letting her go? To go and do something she loves and something she has dreamt of all her life. I can't just wait for her, not after she's just told me she's loved me.

I need to go to her. I need to see her again, to tell her it's okay, I forgive her, and that... that I love her too.