Mistletoe

December 4th

Thursday December 4th

10.40am

I felt stupid. 

My fingers would not stop tapping the table no matter how much I tried to resist, my pulse refused to obey me; every time I'd gotten it down to a steady beat the door would open and it'd set off full throttle again. I couldn't keep a coherent thought in my brain to save my life and it frustrated me to end. What was happening to me?

I was back at Pleym in the hopes to cram in more work while I still had some days off, but instead I had gotten very little done and had instead taken up the habit to clearing tables and brining it all to the counter. And it was my day off. Emma had banished me back to my table on my third trip. Now I was back to trying not to stare at the door, and failing.

The thing was that I didn't even need to be here, not yet. But I'd arrived earlier than usual all the same and worse was that I knew exactly why. I wasn't even kidding myself, that was what bugged me the most. No, I knew exactly why I was here.

I was here because I had an impulse control problem. Because I had to blurt out to a stranger that I would be here today so that he could decide for himself what he wanted to do with that fact. And I was here because when waking up this morning I realized that there had been made no arrangements for a specific time; so I came to Pleym at the earliest opportunity. 

And I didn't even know if he planned on showing up.

Like I said; I was feeling stupid, and with good reason if you ask me.

"I know of this excellent thing you can try, it's very effective," Emma announced as she came to sit across from me.

I felt a sudden surge of hope. "What?"

"It's called breathing, love."

My face fell. "Funny."

Em chuckled, "What's gotten into you? You're an absolute mess today."

A groan escaped my lips and I buried my face in my arms on the tabletop. "I know, I can't help it."

"I'm going to take a wild guess, but I'm usually very good at these things so… you're waiting for him aren't you?"

My head shot up. "Who?" I looked around in case he was here, but with no luck.

"That guy from yesterday," Em clarified. "I haven't seen him yet today, just so you know."

"I know," I'd been here almost as long as her.

"Did you two have plans to meet? Did he stand you up?"

Biting my lip I said, "Not exactly." Seeing Em's confused look I continued, "He asked for my number, but since I don't have a phone at the moment I told him I'd be here today if he felt like meeting me."

"Ah," said Em.

"It was stupid," I clarified. "I should think before I speak.

"Weeell," Emma hesitated, "I mean it probably wasn't the best move for your sanity, but it's fine. You just need to bring whatever you're feeling down a few notches because it's stressing you out."

"Make it stop," I couldn't help but notice how immature I sounded.

Emma stroked my arm lightly, her smile amused but kind. "Want some advice?"

I straightened up quickly, "Yes, please."

"Relax, breathe. You'll be fine. You're only freaking out because you don't know what to expect, but maybe that's healthy for you."