Dear Niall.

Dear Niall 9.

Dear Niall.

What day is it? I don't even remember anymore. I'm so past caring at this point. I don't even know the hour of the day. I stopped caring about this long ago. It's been so long without you and nothing hurts more than knowing the day or hour because it just reminds me how long we've been apart. Nothing has been the same, but I guess I say that in every letter don't I? I sit here and write about how nothing's the same, and how miserable I am, or about the boys, who still haven't given up on me. But whoever ends up reading this is not going to care.

At least, I don't think they will, will they Niall? No. Because I'm just stupid old Liam. Nothing is fun about me. I'm the boring, the ugly, and the one who can't sing out of the 5. Que the montage of people saying how awful I am. But I deserve all of it. I guess I say that in every letter too? See, I'm so anxious that I'm repeating myself. My thoughts are all jumbled, I can't make complete sentences. Fuck, I can't even make a string of mental words that make sense inside my head. Nothing makes sense anymore. That's the sad part. I've gotten to the point that everything has no meaning. No color. No vibrancy. No life. No.. Anything.

I feel like an empty, there I go, repeating myself again, body. I feel like there's blood and oxygen coursing through my veins, I can feel it. But none of it makes me feel alive. Nothing makes me feel anything anymore. I know there is blood. I see it through my skin. I see it when the metallic silver razor breaks my pale, scarred skin.

I know there's blood. I know there's oxygen.

I know there's a reason why....but if I'm not happy what's the point in trying?

Living?

-Liam.

-Okay.

There is going to be one chapter left. It's going to be very long. SO.

Look for that within the next few weeks! WARNING.

Next chapter is going to be sad, and some what graphic.

Bye guys! :)