Just Tell Me (Kili Fiction)

Chapter 9: True story

"Thorin wants Kili to be the heir, he feels as though Fili's heart could crumble and as if he is not right for the throne. I cant see the reason in this! If anything, Fili would be the best heir their is! Now, he sees that Kili is not the heir he wishes for either. He was taken with you years ago and now depends on you. Thorin wants a solid dwarf who only loves his kindom as king, not a dwarf who is distacted and in love." Gandalf explained with a sigh. My heart pounded quickly and redness flushed my cheeks... Kili had felt for me? He couldn't. I couldn't form a proper thought. I heard it! I really did!

"It makes no sense! Fili is the heir and he is not in love as far as i know... Although, its most likely he's been taken by someone along the way. But, he is the perfect heir to take the throne and he always has been!" I exclaimed. "We must sway Thorin's thoughts!"

"That may be how you and i see it but sadly, Thorin has not yet accepted Kili's desires as his own. How much can be done? I do not know." He paused. "Perhaps leave your emotions until another time when Kili is free to do as he wishes. He feels for you, But, now he cant." At those last few words my heart smashed, i felt cold and bitter... With my hands, i pushed away my anger into the wooden bridge by pressing hardly into it.

I looked up at his wise eyes and then stood next him. I held my breath for only a moment and then looked up to Gandalf's weary face. He was so old.

"Can i speak with Balin, Gandalf?" It would comfort me to see my old friend.

"You ask me to send for him?" He almost laughed... It made me sink lowly and almost turn back to the woods of the bridge. "Ahh, yes. I will this once but do not think to make it a habit , my child." My child... That was always what he had called me before and as i face to running water, toes perched off the edge on the short bridge, i shyly smiled. With that, Gandalf left the path to return to the hole. I kept my eyes on the running water until the creek of Bilbo's fence came. A moment later, Balin stood on the bridge with me, the water flowing beneath our feet slowly.

"I wanted to talk to you, Balin." I finally said, not looking up to his eyes. "I want to ask you what you've learned from taking risks. How had it ended, my friend?"

"I cannot say. Most times, it had just changed me and my circumstances when making a risky choice. Its never come to be better nor worse." I let out a heavy sigh of impatience.

"Yes, but i have a choice now. And i have no idea what could be of the out comes!" I still never looked into his eyes. "Do i come with you on your journey back to the mountain after you've gathered here, or do i... Do i go to Gandalf with my hopes higher than the moon for a miracle solution?" I then bowed my head to Balin, hands still to the rail.

"You have fear of- of what? Of Kili's dilemma? Of Thorin's anger? Of what might come if you stay with us?" He continued quickly, "I wonder somedays if i should stay home to the mountain and not venture out as age wears me away or if i should take the risk. Honestly, i've never regretted following my heart back to the roaming land of Middle Earth."

"You are of the wisest beings i know, Balin. Im more than fortunate to know you. To receive your guidance." I think i made up my confused mind at that point. A whirl wind of emotions had stopped thanks to his kindness. I felt my hands reach around Balins stout body and squeeze him into a hug. I haven't hugged in a long time and his soft beard brushed my arm. 

"May i return with the dwarves? To your home in the mountain?" I said finally letting go of Balin's body.

"If you can hide your love for now, yes." He smiled. But i wasn't happy, i want to show my love for him and be who i am.... I guess that i just cant if i wish to have a possible future with my own insanity. Could i sway Thorin? Was this impossible plan to be broken or not?

I walked back to the whole with Balin after making myself confident again with deep breathing. I would face then all now. Would they shame me?

Thorin just sat on the couch and kept an angry glare at me as i passed to the kitchen. I looked to Bofur and smiled, "is he-".

"Yes, he kept to himself." Bofur interrupted me. I had to speak with Kili... What his future was to be.

"Would you like to see him?" I turned around to face Bofur again and nodded. Of course.

He led me to the bedroom and then spoke, "Thorin is angry with his nephew" He spoke with each syllable like a punch, meaningful. "Had Gandalf told you of Kili's possible making? Of- of King?" Bofur chocked at that but offered no opinion.

I nodded again and entered the room. My eyes found Kili and Fili a pacing back and forth with angry faces. I knew Kili would refuse to become king. He was a terrible match for that kind of power while Fili was built for it.

"Well hello there." Kili head tilted towards me and then my entire body ached.

"You? King?!?" I felt so bitter, so frustrated. "Fili is the heir and we all know it! How could you become the king Kili? You would crumble! Fili, your made for this! You've been bred for this fate!" I spoke so loudly.. I was so angry.

I couldn't just let him go. I needed him.... What to do....?

"I know-" Kili started but i cut him off, fury racing in my body.

"Kili, i have a feeling. A feeling that your uncle is just saying this. He couldn't possibly mean it!"

"Yes! He is!" Fili stepped over to me motioning for me to sit. "He could never do that and he knew it, the kingdom of Erebor left to Kili's hands? That would be madness!" I felt a wave of relief flood my mind.

"Gandalf-" i started.

"He carried a massage. The message is a lie." I scowled hard and then sat myself down abruptly, leaned over to my side, snatched the massive pint of ale, a chugged it down my dry throat. I let the ale spill over my chin, gulping it down, indulging in the biter sweet taste.