That awkward moment when you thought you were enough.I know there are many things to be thankful for but at the moment none really come to mind. Right now I am in a corner thinking of what my family -what everyone-thinks of me. Just a while a go the only cousin I have that's my age come to dinner and all of my aunts are jumping to get a picture wuth their favorite adolescent. He's sitting down with them and they're asking him, " Markeefe, do you have a girlfriend? You're just so cute " and even though I would love to be interested in another family me
member's life, I can't because I'm bothered by the fact that no-one ever asks if I have a boyfriend and maybe its just because im not pretty enough, I mean I've wondered that a lot myself "Toni why don't you have a boyfriend?" I always ask the same question and I have yet to find the answer because not to be conceited or anything but I'm not ugly, I mean I'm not beyonce but im not ugly. I'm like average cute. And I have a really nice personality. And not nice as in: kind and friendly, but nice as in: sarcastic and realistic and oh so fucking lovable.
And as for the people outside my family they don't care, they would like to, but they don't. I remember one day after running lines we were in a classroom, me this other freshman and two juniors. They asked what my favourite song was so I said Santeria by Sublime. Turns out Marcos happens to know this song as well. I leave for like 5 minutes. After coming back in they're laughing and thet say "Marcos you're the coolest freshman". Like okay feel that way but please not in my face. Not that I really care about being cool but these two juniors are my mentor and the captain of my improv team. So you know I just kinda sorta want them to like me but you know fuck it. It's always as if I am and never will be considered important.
Oh yeah and now the only cousin I have around my age is starting to be considered an adult. My uncle said it himself ya know the whole hey you guys I think Markeefe might be cool enough to hang out now. He's only one year older than me for Christ's sake! And my older cousin who's in college has been considered an adult since like sophmore year of high school but you know whatever. So yeah this is me being sad because I'm unimportant to almost everyone except myself and my little sister. And she only cares because I have music on my phone and can use the stove.(she's seven)
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Off topic
RandomI'm a 15 yr old girl when i was maybe 12 my mother read my diary and completely threw away my feelings and told me they were wrong. She lost all of the trust she once had. This is sort of my way of controlling my feelings. I'd rather freely show and...
