Transitions (sequel to A Sinner's Bible) (complete) Book 2

Chapter Sixteen: Truth Hurts/ Bad News

Lea POV

After Tay left, I started thinking about our talks together and also about my talk with Lisa. I'm saying this so you know why I'm crying. It's because I've just realized what Lisa meant about me fucking up yet again. I shouldn't have shut Tay out and I definitely should've fought for her with all my heart. This damn finding myself thing is way harder than I ever imagined.

But on a positive note this stuff will not only be inspiration for my real life(this definitely will be a growing pain I'll have to suffer through for awhile), but for my book as well. It may sound trivial but writing more has been a irrefutable positive in my life. It's been helping me vent through all the pain I've suffered through in my life. My many personal dramas have given me plenty to write about. So I figured maybe actually having a seat and thinking about my past life might help things make more sense for my present life. I guess, maybe it's wishful thinking. But one can only hope, right?

To this point in my book Drea has suffered enough from her now ex, Michal. He had been hitting her more and more. Between his kicking the shit out of her on the daily and her finding out he cheated and gotten another woman pregnant (sound familiar), she finally got the courage up to leave. My courage in real life came from meeting and being with Tay. But I wanted Drea to do things on her own time and for herself. But I didn't want her to have a person there for support for a reason. Basically I want her to figure out shit on her own.

Like I said the opposite of me. I now think that has been part of my problem. I've either sat back and waited for change silently or I've gotten help to fix things from other sources. Whether it was Tay, Shany or Justin. They were all crutches in a way. There has been someone there to help gloss over my problems. Now I realize love or simply sex are not the way to get over my issues. Neither is waiting idly by, like I did before while I was with Steven.

I've decided that in order for me to change, I have to change my tactics. Now knowing this I started debating whether or not this should be the point where I introduce the character based on Justin. Or should I make things easy and have her go on her journey. Or should I add the struggle of trying to find herself while falling into the pattern I've found myself in more than once. Regardless of if I choose add his character in now or not, I know I'm choosing that character first. Because based on my thought process, it will be far easier to write about him than writing about the character based on Tay.

I have to plot out the way I want the book to go because it kind of intertwines with which wounds I'm ready to re open. I have to prepare myself for the deep feelings and introspective thoughts I have to let float out of me. My relationship with Justin is complicated and has many contradictions, but it's still not what I had with Tay.

Tay was first person who wanted to know anything and everything about me. She was the first person to show tenderness and care. She was the first person to show me unconditional love. She also was the first person to make realize I haven't felt the same way about anyone else. I really was just settling for Steven. She was actually my heart. She was and still is the best thing to ever happen to me.

I'm still in the car thinking and crying when Justin calls me. "What's wrong?", he asks. I can tell he's highly concerned. I really don't want to tell him what's going on since it's about Tay. I mean even though he knows my feelings, I still try to avoid the subject. "Nothing. I'm good.", I lie. Lord knows, I'm the furthest thing from good.

"Why are you lying to me?", he then asks me. "I thought we had the sort of relationship where we can talk about anything with each other.", he says. "I thought we we're closer than that.", he adds. He sounds hurt and that makes me feel horrible. I sigh. "It's about Tay.", I begin to explain. Now he sighs. "I'm not surprised.", he says.