{19th november 2012}
dear jen,
selfish / self·ish (adj.): (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
my problem is i'm selfish but i also fail to understand how people can actually not be selfish. i went to see my therapist today and he asked me a lot of questions and most of them were about liz and i don't ever answer those so there was a lot of sighing and skipping the questions and subject was not responsive written in his notebook.
and while he did that i sat there and wondered why he was a doctor.
how did he bring himself to care?
it confused the hell of out me. i don't understand how people can make the effort to care about people who they barely know, who aren't family or friends or whatever. i don't think he was pretending to care, either. it was just something that he did. and i'm not sure yet if i love or hate those kinds of people.
but you and liz are those kinds of people, right?
i don't hate you. i really don't.
i didn't hate liz.
i hate myself. i really do.
(liz wanted to be a doctor.)
