{29th may 2013}
dear jen,
joe walked on me singing today after school and i was playing the guitar as well and he got this weird kind of look on his face and then he asked me to play something so i played him i do, i do, i do, i do, i do because you know what? that song's kinda been in my head ever since i wrote you that letter when i looked it up. but i played it for joe and the weird look on his face got weirder and then everything went weird because we were silent for ages after and then he was like
joe: is this your way of telling me you like me?
me: no.
joe: 'cause, i mean, i'd be really flattered and stuff but, y'know, i kinda -
me: joe.
joe: i don't know, it's just that -
me: joe -
joe: i guess i don't really like you that way, i -
me: joe, shut the fuck up.
joe: what?
me: i just said i don't like you. i mean, i do, just, not in that way.
(then he stopped looking panicked and he smiled.)
joe: so is there a reason you sang that song? besides the fact that it's from, like, the 1970s, and you're secretly a hippie anyway. question: do you do drugs? not judging, but you know.
me: no reason.
me: it was in my head, i guess.
me: and no, i don't do drugs. from what i've heard they're not all they're cracked up to be.
(joe snorted this time.)
me: what?
joe: you're so...british.
me: i hope so. i kind of am.
joe: plus, the cracked up thing was funny.
me: what?
joe: cracked up? crack?
(i groaned here because joe's puns are pretty much the worst ever, i promise you, jen.)
me: that's bad, joe. that's really bad.
joe: i do my best.
joe:
me:
joe:
me:
joe: anyway.
me: anyway.
joe: tell you the truth, i'm kinda glad you don't like me...
me: i'm kinda glad too.
joe: 'cause i kinda wanted to tell you something?
me: oh.
joe: yeah.
joe: it's one of those things.
me: well you should probably tell me now before i decide i'm not in the mood for this kind of talk and leave. which would be weird, since it's my own house and everything.
joe: right. i just wanted to, you know, i -
me: for fuck's sake joe, get it out.
joe: okay! alright! jesus christ -
me: sometime today, preferably -
joe: girlfriend! i've got a girlfriend.
me:
joe:
me:
joe:
me:
joe:
me: okay. who?
joe: ah -
me: joe, you better hurry the fuck up before i -
joe: jen!
me:
joe:
me:
joe:
me:
joe:
me:
joe: jen lawson.
me: ok. you're, uh, you're lucky. she's pretty hot, huh?
joe:
joe: yeah.
joe:
me:
joe:
me:
joe: i don't like her because she's hot -
me: i know.
joe: - i like her because she's funny, and smart, and -
me: a happy person? happy?
me: not like me, then.
me:
joe:
me:
joe:
me: sorry, that was weird.
joe: damn straight it was. what's up?
me:
me: nothing. i just -
me:
joe:
me: nothing.
me:
me: i'm really happy for you, joe. seriously. jen's, uh -
me:
me: jen's amazing.
joe:
joe: i know.
me: take care of her or i'll rip your balls off.
joe: i know.
me:
joe:
me: okay. glad that's sorted.
joe: i should, uh, i should head home.
me: yeah. see you tomorrow.
joe: see ya.
(joe left.)
(i spent the next three hours agressively not finishing my homework and playing i do, i do, i do, i do, i do on the guitar over and over.)
(mum came in at some point to tell me how much she loved that song.)
(i can't remember if i answered her.)
(i keep thinking about you. and joe.)
(you and joe.)
(you & joe.)
(you + joe.)
(joe.)
(you.)
(i'm happy for you, really.)
(you're happy.)
(not like me.)
