LGBT Oneshots ✅

To Lose Myself (Percy Jackson)

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The thing is, Nico isn't stupid or reckless. 

He knows the side effects that come with shadow travelling, knows he could lose himself to it, and he also knows it's better to be a little lost than dead. It's a flock of Stymphalian birds this time, chasing him like he's a prize and he supposes he is because they eat meat, don't they? And one of them's already developed a taste for him, the throbbing, constant pain in his arm a reminder of that sharp, bronze beak tearing through him. 

He's not sure he's fast enough to outrun them for much longer, considering he was running for a good hour before he stumbled upon them, and it's that more than anything else which has him reaching for the shadows and maybe it's a bad idea—and, in his time, he's had so many of them—but staying here might just be worse. His shadow travel is still sketchy and he's doubtful his panicked state is going to help him any but he's at least relieved when he finds himself out of the woods and in a cabin.

It's not his.

He sees Percy's face, alarm and then concern in his eyes, before his vision starts swimming and he passes out.

When he wakes up, it's late in the afternoon and he's alone, his arm neatly bandaged up and the feathers that had cut him placed on the desk on the other side of the room, catching the light that streams in. He winces because he remembered a few deep cuts on the back of his legs and he doesn't want to think about how they were taken out of him and who by. In the end, he decides he'd rather not stick around and maybe he opens up a few welts on the walk back to his cabin but he'd rather that pain than having to face Percy. He makes it to his bed and bleeds all over the covers.

Nico sees him a week later; they don't mention it.

It becomes an infrequent pattern. 

He doesn't plan it, doesn't even want it, but Percy's an addiction and, when he's desperate and drowning, there's only one person he can think of. Which isn't even an accurate description because, to be honest, he isn't thinking of anything, apart from safety and warmth and take me away from here. It's dangerous that he associates Percy with all of that but he never spends long enough on thinking about it because it's enough to drive a man insane. 

Percy asks him about it once, when Nico's tired enough to be honest but not quite asleep. 

"Why do you always come to me?"

"You're the most powerful demigod I know."

"But you don't like me."

Nico huffs because that's funny but he doesn't have the energy to laugh and he just shakes his head, burrowing further into the warmth that's Percy, a comfort he's only afforded when he's wounded. It's true that he hadn't liked him after Bianca's death but he could never truly hate Percy and he doesn't think that Percy's the kind of person you get over. He's not sure he ever will. 

"You can't keep doing this," Percy says, fingers smoothing over a scar on his back, from a Stymphalian feather on that first night, "the shadow travelling, I mean, I couldn't bear to lose you, too."

Nico hums, because he thinks he might like to lose himself if it feels like this.

He's had so many bad ideas but this one seems inspired.

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