seeing light | ✔

Seeing Blindly: The Discussion

| chapter 35 |

(a/n: this is so late i am so sorry y'all)

The man before me is someone I have continued to fight for almost my entire life. A flame cannot exist without the gasoline to ignite it, and in this case, that gasoline takes the form of Clancy Gray.

"What do you want from me?" I ask nervously. Clancy doesn't make me nervous a lot... but this time, he does.

He rises from the chair he was sitting in to walk closer to me. With every step he takes forward, I am two steps backward. In the corner of my eyes, I spot a handgun painted in black and silver. A gun against Clancy means nothing. It's child's play. I reach for the gun, my trembling fingers gripping onto the deadly machine.

He snickers, staring right into my eyes. I can feel his power over me, but I have come so far when it comes to being strong enough against Clancy. I can't keep falling... I won't.

"What were you thinking, Amara?" He demands. "Running off in the middle of the night? What if you got hurt, or picked up by a Tracer?"

I cross my arms, my handle on the gun still strong. "Like you care."

Clancy keeps coming forward until my back is pressed against a nearby shelf. "You seem to forget, my darling, that you were nothing before and are still nothing without me. You need me to survive but you're too afraid to admit it."

"Shut up." I growl. Get out of my head.

Clancy stands before me at his most proud and confident. He knows what he's doing... he's making me want him more by the minute. I can't decide if it's working or not.

He is so close to me that it doesn't even matter what come out of my mouth, he will win. He will always win.

I look down my feet, hiding away from his strong and prideful gaze. I will not fight him anymore, but if I surrender, he will win. His fingers draw under my chin and push my eyes up to meet his. When I find his eyes, they are not orange. They're the normal color I fell for so long ago.

At least... I think I fell for them. For him.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you, young lady." His voice catches my full attention, his demands catching me somewhat off guard.

Surprisingly, I get defensive. "I'm not a baby, Clancy."

My back is completely pressed against the shelves now, leaving me no room to run. His fingers brush a strand of hair away from my face, but my eyes dart to the floor. Since when did I become so nervous? And when did Clancy get intimidating?

"Do you understand?"

I don't say a word to him... I am fearful now.

Clancy's voice remains, but his attitude draws in more anger. "Amara Westwood, do you understand? Look at me."

I look up at him, pouting my lip by mistake. A habit I picked up as a child but lost as a teenager. I guess some things find a way to stick with you whether you notice it or not.

Clancy sighs. "You have to stop running, Amara."

"Running? From what?" I question him, even though I know the answer. I have to stop running from him - but I'm also not so sure if that's how I feel.

"Your problems. You ran with me after the experiments, you ran away with me after the fire at East River -"

"No, I think that was you kidnapping me."

"I see it more as a favor. Did you want me to leave you to die in that fire?"

"Look who you're talking to." I cross my arms.

Clancy sighs, eyeing the gun in my hand. "Put the gun down, Princess. You and I both know you won't shoot me."

"I don't know, Clance, you're really testing my patience." I lift the gun and point it at his chest. There's a space between it and his chest, and I can tell he's holding himself together to his best ability. He's known me for years, and I'm surprised that I still make him nervous.

You may be his girlfriend... but you're still a Red.

He looks me right in the eye and says, "Do it." Clancy holds his breath. "You say you can live without me, prove it, Amara." He steps closer to me, pressing the gun right to where his heart is. "Show me how strong you are."

I have both hands on the trigger. I could do it right now if I wanted to... he's giving me a chance to put everyone out of their misery. You'd be miserable, my conscience haunts me.

It's my turn to hold my breath. In his eyes I am reminded of a time when the days I lived for only consisted of Clancy holding me tightly with nothing bothering us. Where we would lay together peacefully, everything in the world safe and calm.

My breathing staggers as Clancy's eyes flicker in the cloudy light. They don't change from green to orange like they're supposed to. Does he want me to kill him?

"Shoot me...put bullets in my heart." His voice is soft. "Maybe it'll remind you how much I love you."

Those words kill my soul and bring hot tears to my eyes. My arms shake just enough for me to drop the weapon, staggering my breathing and causing my entire being to shake uncontrollably. I watch as the gun falls to the ground, sending a strange feeling through my veins. I look up at Clancy, my heart falling down to the pit of my stomach.

Without a word, Clancy brings himself as close as one could possibly to me, his lips crashing into mine. All the pain from the past 24 hours evaporates. The memory of what was destroying the world around us fades, and I am brought back to East River.

His hands grip my hips, holding my body in one place forcefully as my hands tightly grip his hair. I melt so deeply and suddenly I am reminded of who I am.

I am just me... a young, helpless girl who is head over heels in love with Clancy Gray.