My Cup of Tea (snowbaz)

Chapter Thirty-Three

If someone could kindly come fish me out of this sea of depression I'd be extremely grateful.

-biblio the depressed soph

I've never seen so much tension in the bloody air.

It was hanging thick, like a fog, when Baz stepped into Simon Snow's flat later that night to discuss Agatha fucking Wellbelove and everything that had happened in the cafe earlier that day. Baz could see the the anger and confusion all over his boyfriend's face. It was practically rolling off him in heavy, sticky fumes. He looked like he might explode, or maybe implode, with all this pent up frustration. Baz really had no idea what to say––where to begin.

"I want you to explain it to me," Simon said. He was still standing, like all the rage forced him upright. 

Baz nodded and tried to collect his thoughts, tried to push past all the noise and get to the things that really mattered. He knew that he had withheld the truth, but it didn't seem like he deserved this rage for it. He hadn't lied to Simon, and he certainly wasn't dating Agatha. He was gay, which Simon knew perfectly well, so he couldn't really understand how any of this mattered. 

"I've known the Wellbeloves since I was young. Agatha's father is one of my father's business associates, you see, so I've seen her at functions and whatnot. I haven't spoken or thought about her in ages, so I was surprised when my father asked me to go to dinner with her––"

"You went to fucking dinner with her?"

Shit. Baz nodded. 

"Before we started going out, right?"

"Uh, no. Recently. But I thought it was a business meeting, nothing more. I had no idea that my father was trying to set us up in a romantic sense." 

Simon stared at him for a moment like he was trying to get his words to cooperate. "You--you told her, yeah? That you're gay? Or that you're not interested?" 

Baz felt tears stinging his eyes. "No," he said, his voice so soft that it was barely audible. "I couldn't. You know I couldn't." 

Simon scoffed. "Good. Right then, at least now I know that you're not just fucking lying again."

"What do you mean? When did I lie to you?"

"I told you that she asked me to play wingman for her."

Baz had forgotten about that. So, as it turned out, Simon had only asked him if he'd turned her down to make sure that everything was in order, that he wasn't just making things up to try and keep him happy. Baz felt a knife slice right through his heart. 

"Right. I mean...it's complicated, Snow. My father can't know that I'm gay, can't know that I'm seeing you. If Wellbelove finds out, then my father might, and I can't run that risk." 

"So what? You're just going to have a pretend relationship with her? While you're dating me?"

"I wouldn't really be dating her. It would be for show, nothing more. Then, after a while, we could break up and she could find happiness with some other bloke that's straight and interested in her." 

Simon sighed and collapsed onto the sofa, running his fingers through his hair in a huff. Baz watched him, unsure if he should sit down next to him and take his hands. He would have liked to do that, but in all honesty, Simon's anger was making Baz angry, too. Simon had, in Baz's mind, no right to come down on him like this. Baz hadn't cheated on him or lied to him. This was all just a misunderstanding. This was all because Simon didn't understand how things got handled in the real world, because Simon didn't live in reality. Not really.