Hello all, sorry I haven't written for such a long time, quite a lot of stuff has gone on over the past few months. Any way, I'll write a quick update and the probably go into the story of my depression later on today/tomorrow.
But yes, after i lest school we had a good few weeks to 'relax' before exams. Not going to lie, they were tricky but so worth it. I passed everything with 3 B's and 3 C's. (Very proud of that), but it was probably one of the mist stressful days of my life. I cant really remember much because it was such a long time ago but I'll try and give you somethings I do remember.
The night before I could barely sleep, unsurprising right. But it wasnt because i was nervous it was a mixture of emotions like dred, fear, guilt (could I have done more, that kind of shizmet) as well as excitement that finally this feeling of being petrified and scared that my life was going to end right there and then the moment I opened the envelope, like if I'd failed even one exam I had no future passed that second I looked at the little numbers and letter on that page.
Anyway, the morning came and I got dressed and put on my face and got my bike out and rode to school. My Dad had wished me luck the night before and my Mum did the same on her way to work in the morning. The only thought in my head was 'I've failed everything. I know I have. I've failed. I've gotten F's and G's in every exam. What about History? I probably got a U because the examiner was unable to read my handwriting. I've failed. I've let myself down, I've let my teachers down, I've let my whole family down. What am I going to do? I've got no future, no life after today, what can I do? Well, I could run away? Live on the streets? Become an underage prostitute? Or get addicted to drugs? Who cares anymore, I'm a failure, I'm just going to have to OD" Well, you get the point. I was shit scared. And seeing an acquaintance and seeing a friend telling me that they've marked really harshly this year wasn't all that assuring either.
Anyway, I got to school, met up with my letter opening buddy and went to get our results. As we got to the table I remember my heart rate wnt up so much I thought that it was going to explode!
After we'd been given the 'envelope of doom', we went into the bathroom to hide and open our results. It sounds weird but neither of us wanted to open them in front of everyone in our year. So we went into the bathroom. Now, the last time I had been in that bathroom was our prom (genuinely the best night of my life, i actually looked half decent, no one said anything to make me feel like crap and we had a chocolate fountain so: win all round in my opinion).
After the person in the cubicle left (there is always someone o\in the cubicle isnt there) so yes once they'd left (and we'd done some procrastinating) we finly got to the point that I'd been dredding more than anything; the letter opening. I remember wanting to get it over and done with but I don't have any nails so its kinda hard to open the envelope so i had to get my friend to do it for me. After that came to the scary part: and I don't mean 'scary' I mea 'holy smoke I've failed everything ever and I'm going to get killed and blah blah blah'. you've already heard that speech.
So anyway, as you know, I passed all of my exams and got into my chosen collage (yay!) or was it...?
No it was, kinda. I'll explain that one later. I'm kinda tired right now, but all I will say is that it has something to do with my menal sate, being ignored bly close friends and others being, well, not there for me.
Adios, human children!
ESTÁS LEYENDO
Me
De TodoThese are a few brief stories about me. I will go through all of the things that I feel important to me. If there is anything you don't feel comfortable with reading, don't. I shall try to keep them as light as I can not there are somethings even I...
