Just a Baby in a Trench Coat

Chapter 13 ~ Another Day, Another Monster

Sitting in the back of the impala with Gabriel wasn't...the most unpleasant thing Castiel had ever done. Gabriel had created something he called a "mental space" where both he and Castiel resided to converse without the head-rattling music that Dean insisted on playing while they were on the road. Their physical bodies were still in the car with the brothers, but their consciousness were in this little realm. It was a weird phenomenon, but not entirely unwelcome. Castiel's pain wasn't present here.

"Don't stress buddy, the groceries aren't that big of a deal."

Castiel didn't respond. To Gabriel the incident was something to be brushed off and laughed at but to Castiel it proved even more how useless he is. Something simple, something he knew humans did all the time, and yet it was a struggle and in the end he didn't even deliver.

The mental space changed, and Castiel was shocked to see it was the barn. The barn where Castiel had introduced himself to Dean Winchester. When he looked over to Gabriel in shock and confusion Gabriel shrugged, "I went through your memories a few meetings back just to know why you cared about the Winchesters so much. This place was glowing with promise, so it was one of the few things I looked at." Castiel, rightly scandalized at this confession, felt a spark of anger and Gabriel quickly added, "Don't worry I didn't like-- I saw three things. Max. Three things that caused a lot of emotions, ya know?" That didn't really satisfy Castiel but then he heard it: he heard Dean's voice. It was different; younger. Vulnerable. It made the pain, that Castiel thought would not appear in this space, flare up and he felt bittersweet as he touched the barn door. At the time, he had wanted to impress-- even scare-- Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester was his first and only human charge, and he had heard rumors about humans before joining Michael's crusade. Balthazar had talked extensively about their vices, about what made humans weird and cruel. Castiel had wanted to make his position as leader perfectly clear, wanted to subdue Dean into playing his part, and yet he had not been prepared for the whirlwind that was Dean Winchester. He had not been prepared for the faith, the determination, the absolute courage that Dean possessed. Castiel realized something as his hand fell from the rusty metal under his fingertips. It was this moment that changed everything. This was the beginning.

Castiel's moment of pondering was broken when his conscious got thrown violently back into his body.

"Hey, we're doing a pit stop want anything to eat?"

Castiel stared straight into Dean's eyes. The man was nonchalant, obviously having nudged Castiel until he "woke up".

"I do not need to eat, Dean."

"You like the sour candy things right?"

"Yes, but--"

"I'm getting you those then."

With that, Dean shut the door and walked towards the gas station they had stopped at. Sam was already inside browsing for something, but Castiel was focused on trying to breathe.

"Fuck that was intense."

Gabriel looked just as breathless and winded as Castiel. Gabriel averted his gaze, as if he got caught peeking in on something he shouldn't have. Although to be fair, that was exactly what he had done. Castiel turned to Gabriel, regaining his composure a bit as he tried to be stern, "Do not go into my memories ever again, Gabriel."

"Don't have to tell me twice fucking Jesus."

Due to the late midday departure and not-so-time-efficient stops, the four men arrived in Overton right as the sun was setting. The fall had officially set in and Castiel marvelled silently at the color of the trees and the earthly glow that was radiating off the mountains in the distance. It was peaceful.

When the four got out of the car Dean went ahead inside the motel office to get their rooms with Sam and Gabriel in tow. Castiel stayed, wanting to see the sun officially disappear over the horizon. The motel was typical, with dimming neon signs and rust building up on all the metal doors. Castiel found it comforting, almost, like a second home. The sun was barely a sliver in the distance and Castiel could start to see the stars poking their way through the violet sky. A breeze flitted past, and Castiel embraced the glide across his skin. It both grounded and released him. He was both flying and rooted.

"Hey, uh, what's up?"

Glancing over, Castiel was amused to find Dean fiddling with the motel room key as he stared at the ground.

"You've been...weird." Dean paused and tried to fix it with, "Wait, no you haven't been-- you're not weird. I--"

Dean flustered and Castiel actually smiled at the attempt. Dean was many things, but emotionally expressive was not one of them, "I'm fine, Dean."

Dean stopped completely, staring right into Castiel's eyes as if searching for any clue that he was lying.

"I--okay. Yeah. Okay." Dean sighed, handing the room key over in front of him, "Your room is 113."

Castiel took the key, still smiling gently, "Thank you, Dean."

Dean didn't move, still standing and still staring until finally something broke the spell and he started gesturing over his shoulder and saying nonsensical things about how he should go see Sam before turning and nearly tripping over the curb. He recovered and continued off without looking back. The entire affair made Castiel laugh lightly as the pain receded for a mere moment.

When Castiel focused on the sky once more, he could see the crescent moon shyly appearing in the sky.

Dean couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able to sleep for a long time, but now he was even more restless. Cas had been acting strange, almost pained ever since the whole baby incident. It didn't sit right. Every word suddenly was laced with this intangible thing that Dean couldn't understand. Not to mention Gabriel and their fight. What could possibly make Gabriel think he had any right to protect Castiel? It made him grit his teeth with rage even as he thought about it. Cas wasn't some princess who needed saving-- he was a grown ass man who could take care of himself. It was this thought that Dean had to repeat to himself over and over again.

Dean was done being trapped with his thoughts and decided a late night drive wouldn't kill anyone as he grabbed a jacket and his keys. Walking out to the Impala, Dean didn't notice the motionless person leaning against it.

"Dean?"

The hunter startled and pulled his arms up in defense until he saw Cas's concerned stare, a soft red light detailing his posture from the broken-down motel sign. Dean let out a sigh of relief and let his arms drop.

"Heya, Cas."

"What are you doing out here?"

"I guess I could ask you the same thing, huh?"

Cas eyed Dean before gesturing to the sky. It was almost perfectly clear and the constellations were shining brilliantly. A memory itched at Dean's mind, but he ignored it as he slid next to Cas, not quite touching but close enough to feel the presence. Dean crossed his arms and exhaled a large breath. It was peaceful.

"Dean..." Cas started, his hesitance obvious in his voice as he addressed the hunter, "Where were you going to go?"

Dean raised an eyebrow before realizing it was still very dark due to the fact the street light was busted and flickering in three second intervals. Cas seemed to get the gist anyways, "You have your keys with you." Dean mulled over an answer before deciding the truth (or half-truth) would be best, "Just couldn't sleep. Thoughts a little too loud tonight."

"I could help with--" Cas said, raising two fingers to reach between them before Dean jumped back with a loud, "No!"

The confusion and frustration on Cas's face made Dean flinch, but he didn't want Cas to know the reason he couldn't sleep because of him.

"I'll be fine, I'm just--" Dean unlocked the Impala but stood by the door, "I'm just gonna go for a drive."

Cas looked like he wanted to protest, but apparently decided against it as he stepped away from the car, "Good night then, Dean."

Dean couldn't watch Cas walk away, and instead threw the door open and got inside, revving the engine to life. He couldn't pull away from the motel fast enough.