Hetalia x Reader 2 (One Shots :3)

Sweden x Suicidal!Depressed!Reader

Title: Wet Paper Lives and Snapped Strings

---------

I didn't know why I felt this way. I had friends, sure never that many, my family life was okay, but I still felt like everything was crumbling in my hands. I don't know why I felt like everything was smothering me so much.

It was not a plea for attention by far, but one day, I just decided to pick up a razor, and see what it felt like. I mean, it hurt, but it wasn't so painful that I couldn't bare it. Three little cuts stood were I had slid the razor. No big deal. No one would ever know.

I had always wondered what it would be like if I was dead. What it would be like to be dead. Would it be sparkling gates, or just dirt and maggots? I really did want to know. I know people would cry, but they can only cry and be sad so long before they forget.

I need to be forgotten really. I don't really make a difference. Just another person in a society full of ignorance and expectations. Stupid expectations. If it weren't for those expectation I suspect I wouldn't feel the way I do sometimes. Not skinny enough, not enough make up, or god forbid I don't follow fashion trends.

Really, Do you see my point? It's like an extravagant mystery to find your true love because he/she was taken, but when you finally find them they're dead. You go on this crazy ass adventure to find this person, but they're dead. But in the end it doesn't matter because once you're dead, and everyone you ever talked to, knew, or loved isn't going to matter when your dead and six feet under or sitting behind pearl gates. What is the point in living when everything is made of wet paper? Nothing, because wet paper rips doesn't it?

In the end nothing is going to matter. What I do will not matter. What I say will not matter. I will not matter. You can only be missed so much before you're just someone they missed. People will fill your place and then they'll move on with their lives. It's more simple than what anyone thinks it will be. In one instant, everything you worked for, everything you said, everything you did, all the work and tears, don't matter. You're dead, and no one will miss you forever. They will remember, and then they will forget. You will be dead, and there's is nothing left to do. There is no prize waiting for all your hard work. There's nothing. Sometimes nothing is exactly what I need. Sometimes nothing is the cure for an unsuspected girl with depression, who has no reason to be sad. Sometimes that is exactly what they, and myself, will need.

There is only one problem though-he grips my hand-Berwald. Berwald was exactly what I needed, but it seemed, his love, and the constant affection was a stimulant. I should have known it was nothing permanent, but come on. I could never guess that, because I had never truly felt what falling for someone was like. I still got the butterflies, except, you know, the butterflies would slowly get digested. It would only last so long until I was back to how I started: Cutting, metaphors for depression and life in general, and thinking about how there's a large probability Berwald would find someone else.

I know dying would be selfish. I know that it would hurt him. I know he could find someone way better though. I mean, he could totally date Tina. She was a nice foreign exchange student from Finland. Super pretty, nice, and I mean she had an obsession with Christmas, but every girl has their quirks. I felt bad as it was, and I hated the thought of this, but I was undoubtly jealous of the thought that Berwald would be with any girl after me. It actually pissed me off. I couldn't stop him, but I mean, I loved him. Sometimes love doesn't work, just like Band-Aids sometimes don't stick, but come on. I couldn't expect Berwald to just become some kind of hermit or something could I? No.

I looked towards him. He was currently driving me home. We had been at his house watching movies and things. It was fun. Not the typical date, but I still loved it. His car rounded the curve. My heart beat faster. Now that the time was here, why was I so nervous? I had planned this for a month or so now. Maybe it was the idea of him with someone else more than it was the thought of dying in general? Probably so. I've already excepted death to come as it may, and do as it wants, because much like nature, death did it's own thing.

I leaned over the console and placed a kiss on his lips. I placed my hand on his cheek. "Ber...you know I love you right?" Our fingers entangled. Oh god, I'm going to miss holding his hand. I'm going to miss him. "'f co'rse." He pressed his lips to mine. "Good." I smiled. This would be the last time I would ever touch him, kiss him, talk to him. A lump rose in my throat, and I felt like I was being suffocated. I pushed it down. I kissed him once again, wrapped my arms around him in a tight, quick hug, and then got out of the car.

I felt hollow, but wouldn't you feel hollow too, if you knew exactly how you were going to die, and you were moments away from that instant were everything stops mattering?

----------

'I'm sorry Ber. I really am. I love you so much, and this will never be your fault. Sometimes people are sad, and sometimes all the little strings that connect everything together, and keep you sane, just snap. Sometimes a wet paper life, were everything slowly rips apart, isn't something someone can deal with. Be happy. I'm sorry things had to end on such a sad note, but you will remember, and then you will forget, and life will go on. I love you.'

'-_________'

---------

It was dull, and then it was brighter, and it was so bright and everyone was so happy. All these people I forgot about said hello, like we were old friends. We really had been old friends though, hadn't we? I grinned. I couldn't afford to be upset in such a light atmosphere. Something like this wasn't a happy ending, but it was as happy as things could get for me. I could feel this weight drop from my shoulders, and for once, I was content.

--------

"Ber you're here to early."

"I m'ssed you tho'gh."

"I missed you too."

I wrapped my arms around him. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe, just sometimes, you remember and then you can't forget.

I felt tears hit my neck.

"I m'ssed you s' m'ch _____."

--------------------

EDIT: There has been some confusion on what happened. So basically reader-chan commited suicide and then Ber did as well. The part where everything got brighter was basically her seeing everyone else she knew that had died and then Ber comes and that explains the ending.

-------------------

;-; Hi. So I attempted to write Ber's accent. I failed, but at least I tried. This is a sad one, but hey, I write sad stuff so yeah. I have two requests so expect two updates on Tuesday-Wednesday, or Thursday at the latest. Thank you for the comments and votes!~ They mean so much ^-^ I'm really glad I started writing one shots again. I really missed writing for you guys, and getting such positive feedback. So thank you for that as well. Until Tuesday (Probably Wednesday bc I'm lazy ._.)~

~K.