loving you ;; changjinlix

MEDICATE

medicate a broken heart,
build your walls up just to rip them apart

"Changbin why did you get so mad at him?!" hyunjin yelled as the door slammed

"Really? why would I get mad at him?! He shoved you, hyunjin!"

Hyunjin sighed, "You.. you can't get mad at him for that. He was overwhelmed and it didn't even hurt. I stumbled. you overreacted."

"I overreacted? Seriously?" Changbin scoffed, begging to lift a bottle to his mouth, but hyunjin grabbed the beverage and stopped him, "What are-"

"you've had enough." hyunjin set the drink down on the table by them, "You yelled at him for liking us. Bin, he can't control that."

"He was mad that we're happy."

"No. He was mad because he confessed and it turned into an argument."

"What did he expect?! a fucking musical number about love-"

"That is exactly what I mean. see? you are mad over nothing." Hyunjin sighed, cleaning up the living room floor

"How the hell should I have reacted!?'

"not like that!" hyunjin raised his voice slightly as he walked past his husband to the kitchen and threw the bottles away

"this.. i.. I just don't know what to do." changbin sighed, walking to the couch and plopping on it.

"what?"

"I don't know what im supposed to do here. you're both mad at me."

hyunjin sighed and walked to the living room, standing in front of changbin, "im not mad at you and neither is he. he is hurt. he's hurting, changbin."

"okay?! so?! he shouldn't have shoved you."

hyunjin stared at the boy on the couch in dismay, "forget it, bin. im going to find Felix. stay here and go the fuck to bed."

the brunette pocketed his phone and walked out the front door, leaving his husband in the house.

_____________

It was only eleven p.m., but hyunjin was beyond worried about Felix. he wasn't sober and was very upset, walking the streets somewhere alone.

the first place he checked was the woods where Felix ran when hyunjin moved away. he wasn't there, no surprise. the next place was their spot at the beach. Felix used to say the waves calmed him and that it was his happy place, but he simply wasn't there to hyunjin's dismay.

he walked along the streets for a while, texting Felix and calling out for him. he went to places he didnt know existed like a pond, a few bars and the outside of a library. he tried to message Chan, but he didn't answer.

the last place hyunjin came across was the pier. it was around one a.m. now, and he still had no sign of the blonde. he checked the outside, near the tables and shelters then walked into the actual board walk.

hyunjin checked in alleyways and behind stores his whole way down the pier and once he reached the end of it he looked over the rail to the waves feeling nostalgia hit him like a truck. he recalled when he and Felix would mess around by the water with Felix's dog, sunny, during ungodly hours of the night and smile and laugh. he hoped the younger boy was alright. he checked around a little more and still couldn't find Felix.

he began to walk home when he heard faint sniffles from behind a concession booth.

"Felix?"

the sniffling didn't stop and so hyunjin slowly crept around the small, box shaped building to see Felix sitting against it, looking out on the waves. he didn't seem as intoxicated anymore, but he was obviously distraught.

"Lix.."

the blondes head snapped up and he gasped softly, "how the hell did you find me?"

hyunjin sat down beside the blonde and put his hand out, face up. Felix exchanged a look with him for a moment before putting his small hand on the brunettes, who laced their fingers.

"Im really sorry for what changbin did... he can't deal with emotions while hes drunk.."

"it isn't your fault.." Felix spoke quietly, his voice raspy

"And hey, lix?"

"yeah?"

"you aren't disgusting, you never have been. and im not disgusted by your emotions.. changbin went crazy when you pushed me back because of something that happened in Korea."

"what.. what happened?"

"a guy named minho... long story. I'll tell you some other time. but right now this is about you, are you okay?" hyunjin looked at the boy next to him, locking eyes with him.

"i- .. no.. not really. I feel bad. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"he was being a jerk. he was insensitive to react the way he did, it was idiotic. im glad you told us."

"wait... did you guys fight?!"

"a little, but it's okay, he'll be fine when we get back."

Felix frowned and looked down at his lap, sniffling softly as more tears fell down his face, "I.." his voice broke, "I never meant to mess everything up.."

"woah, Felix.." hyunjin turned toward him, cupping the boy's cheek with his free hand, "none of this is your fault. you didn't mess anything up. you both were drunk, lix."

"but.. I.." Felix pulled his hand away from hyunjin's, covering his face as his body racked with sobs.

"felix no, come on.. don't cry. please stop crying." hyunjin pleaded as he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, "you're okay. this is all going to be okay. none of this is your fault. it was all miscommunication."

"i-i just wish we never had to split up. I know this sounds terrible but I wish I'd never met changbin. my heart wouldn't hurt so badly." Felix mumbled almost inaudibly through sobs

"if you don't think I truly fell for you, or that changbin loved you, or that we don't miss you too, you're wrong. we both cherish every moment we have spent with you just.. what are we supposed to do now, you know?" hyunjin spoke softly, rubbing circles in the blondes back.

"i-i want to go home..." felix whimpered, leaning more onto hyunjin.

"here," hyunjin carefully detached the boy and stood up, extending his hand, "c'mon"

Felix reached up and allowed hyunjin to pull him into a standing position. Felix stood there a moment, then, hyunjin slowly wrapped his arms around the younger boy's torso. he pulled him close and laid his head in the crook of his neck,
"everything is going to be okay, okay? I promise that."

Felix nodded and smiled faintly, wrapping his arms around hyunjin and squeezing him softly.

hyunjin leaned back and kissed Felix's forehead, giggling at the boys reddening face.

"get on my back, lix."

the blonde hopped up onto hyunjin's back and the two made the long trek home.