"Haley... have you and Jonah..." He gestured around.
"Had sex?" I sniffed.
"Yeah," Eben said.
"Yeah, we have. J-just before he left, why?" I started to panic. I knew what was coming. "But we used protection."
"Haley, I think it's best you... get a test. Just in case, it might be a mistake." Eben nodded, "Do you want me to go get one?"
"O-ok." I nodded. Eben gave me a weak smile before leaving.
I slowly sat on the sofa, I was shaking violently. I couldn't be pregnant. We used protection. Who gets pregnant the first time they have sex with their new boyfriend, using protection? I rubbed my hands up and down my thigh, in an attempt to soothe my nerves. It didn't work.
Eben arrived back after about fifteen minutes, he handed it to me. I stared at it for a while holding the box in my hands. I had never held one before. I never had to.
I didn't say anything to him, I just walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.
The timer sounded and Eben looked at me from the opposite sofa. I was staring at my feet, as I had been for the last three minutes.
"Do you want me to-," Eben started to ask.
"No." I shook my head. Still, I didn't move. Eben didn't say anything further. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and picked it up. I opened my eyes slowly and then I saw it. I put it down on my lap and looked at Eben, my face emotionless, "It's positive."
A lot of crying. A lot of hugging. A lot of reassurance. A lot of thoughts.
Finally, I was drained of all the tears I had and I collapsed onto the sofa. Eben looked down at me.
"W-what am I gonna do?" I asked. It was the first thing I had said to him since I had said the test was positive. Eben didn't have an answer. "I-I mean... I can't exactly te-tell him over the phone."
"I know." He sighed, "You know, you don't have to keep it."
"I-I know." I let out a shaky breath, "Jonah still d-deserves to know I'm pr-pregnant with his c-child." There was silence, "E-Eben?"
"Yeah?" Eben asked.
"I-Is it bad if I w-want to keep it?" I sniffed.
"What? No. Of course, it isn't." He shook his head.
"But what if Jo-Jonah doesn't want it? And I k-know he won't." I said.
"You don't know that." Eben sighed. I took a long, shaky breath.
"What am I gonna do?" I whispered.
"You definitely want to keep it? Whether Jonah wants to or not?" Eben asked.
"I can't get rid of it, what if when I tell him he gets mad at me because he wants it? But what if when I see him again and I'm five months pregnant and he gets mad for not telling him?" I asked, "I'm gonna lose him either way."
"It's your body, Haley." Eben said, "I think you need some time to think."
I kept it, well I'm keeping it. I hadn't told Jonah, it made our calls and messages even harder. It had been a couple of months, when I had just started to get a belly. I stroked it with a frown as I finished my last fitting for fashion week.
I had been avoiding anything like this, public appearances, caressing my stomach in front of people. What if got back to Jonah? Even he would get suspicious. For now, people were pretty much certain I was pregnant, and Jonah was convinced it was just a rumour. Well, I used to be too.
"How is it? The baby?" One of the women smiled at me.
"Uh..." I couldn't exactly lie to her. If I said I wasn't pregnant, the media would find out, then it would make it harder to tell Jonah that I actually was, "It's ok."
She gave me another smile before leaving me to my own devices. I sighed, deeply. What was I doing? I needed to tell Jonah.
I wanted to scream because I was so frustrated. I couldn't leave New York, I had too much to do here. Jonah couldn't leave Europe, he was busy on tour. I couldn't tell him I was pregnant over the phone, not when he was so far away. I couldn't get rid of it now, I didn't want to, anyway.
