Reality of Yearning (GxG)

16. Too weak

Sasha was on edge.

After her amazing night walk with Cameron that had lasted until 2am, Sasha was convinced they would be able to meet for coffee the next day. However, Sasha noticed some improvement with her mother so she decided to spend the day with her, took her out of the apartment, brought her to the park, bought her lunch, showed her the thrift shop. It felt good for Sasha to spend a few quiet hours with her mother.

Monday morning was a slap back to reality for Sasha. The only time she had managed to get some real sleep, she was woken up at 3am from all the noise Nicole was making in the kitchen, once again banging the pans everywhere and cooking the most disgusting omelettes. Sasha didn't taste them, but the visual mixture of eggs and cinnamon was enough to make her feel sick. Afterwards, Sasha had to miss work again to stay with her mother and make sure she wouldn't kill any of them.

To avoid making a bad impression on Bernadette, Sasha asked Cameron not to come over to the store on Tuesday. She was feeling guilty enough for having missed another day, she didn't want Cameron to distract her from the job and make Bernadette believe she wasn't invested. Her desire to see the brunette was burning, but her reason needed to prevail. To be sure she hadn't upset Cam, she still texted her all throughout the day and facetimed her at night after her mother had gone to bed.

To say that Cameron was furious over Sasha sleeping on an old couch in her own house was an understatement. After anger came understanding as Sasha explained the reasons of this situation, and then came worry, and to finish compassion. What Sasha found the most heartwarming and amusing was Cameron's insistence. If she needed a bed to sleep in, Cameron had to be the first person she'd call.

Her late conversation with Cam didn't help Sasha's fatigue. Since her mother was back on her feet at 3am again, Sasha barely slept for two hours and had to watch over her. She was feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, her fatigue was causing her migraines and sore muscles, her eyes were stinging and watery, and her hands and legs were shaking.

When she arrived at the thrift shop, Sasha said a faint hello to Bernadette and let herself collapse on the office chair, using the wall as a support and finding it rather comfortable. In a matter of five minutes, a hot cup of coffee was in front of her and a gentle pair of hands were holding hers.

"Did you eat anything this morning?", Bernadette asked in a low voice.

Sasha simply shook her head weakly and freed her hands to grab the mug to drink some coffee, hoping the brewage would fill her stomach and bring her enough energy to stop the shaking and make her feel awake. She only had to hold on until noon so she prayed for the coffee to work.

"I only have plain cookies but it's better than nothing. Eat and get some rest, sweetie. It's raining today so we shouldn't have many people."

"I need to make up for yesterday's hours though", Sasha reminded her as she accepted the box with a thankful smile.

"We'll figure it out later. Now you need to take some sugar or you'll drop dead", Bernadette instructed in her grandmotherly tone so Sasha bit into a cookie and saw her nodding her head once in satisfaction before she left the office.

Sasha had to admit that the cookie felt good. Her painful stomach only allowed her to eat two but it mentally did a big difference. Between two long sips of coffee, Sasha could feel her phone buzzing in her pocket several times but she made no move to react. She couldn't. She had run out of energy. And when she finished her cup of coffee, she found herself unable to fight her own tiredness and unconsciously lay her head between her arms, not even realizing that she was falling asleep.

Her one-hour nap was cut short when Bernadette woke her up in panic, telling her that a woman was here and making a mess in the store. With the small peak of adrenaline she felt, Sasha bounced from her chair and left the office, only to find her mother behaving like a wild animal, throwing clothes in the air or using them as dance partners. At the sight of the scene, Sasha was grateful for an empty store and immediately approached Nicole.

"Mom, what the fuck!", Sasha shouted angrily and grabbed her arm to force her to move.

Nicole was obviously fighting off and screaming but Sasha took her outside and immediately dialed Dr Schumer's number, ignoring the numerous texts she had received from Cameron. Between her mother's yelling, Sasha managed to tell the psychiatrist that her mother was here and creating havoc in the thrift shop. Within five minutes, his black Mercedes pulled up in front of them and Dr Schumer stepped out in hurry.

"Nicole, it's time to get you home", Dr Schumer said in his composed tone.

"But the party just started!", Nicole complained with big arms gestures.

"There is no party here. It's all in your head. We need to go home now", Dr Schumer approached her and gently grabbed her forearms, which Nicole let happen.

"You got it?", Sasha asked and received a firm nod from Dr Schumer so she walked back into the store and waited until the car had driven off before facing Bernadette.

"Is that what you need to go through everyday?", Bernadette asked softly.

"At least she didn't try to kill me this time", Sasha answered as she started to pick up her mother's mess.

"You should seriously consider getting help. Medical help. At least someone who could stay with her when she's alone."

"Yeah but who? And with what money? I highly doubt that anyone would agree to look after my mom for two hundred bucks a month."

"Fair point", Bernadette sighed deeply. "I wish I could help you", she added in a saddened voice.

"You already do. More than you can imagine", Sasha smiled warmly before turning back to her clothes.

To make up for her missed hours and her mother's scandal, Sasha spent the full day at the store to help Bernadette. Her senior friend had almost pushed her out the door but Sasha insisted, her time at the thrift shop being more relaxing than staying home. If she would have gone home, she couldn't have gotten any rest and would have ended up even more tired anyway. At work, Sasha was keeping herself busy but it was more tranquil and peaceful.

But by the end of the day, Sasha was exhausted. She was so tired that she just wanted to lie down and close her eyes. However, her mother was still acting up and running around the apartment unceasingly, talking nonsense, throwing random items through the window, trying to change the layout of the furniture. It lasted all night again. A full night of struggle that once again deprived Sasha from sleep and forced her to arrive at work looking like a zombie.

Thursday was hard for Sasha. Her level of fatigue had reached such extreme that she was barely conscious and wondered how her legs were still holding her up and letting her walk. All day, Sasha switched between taking five minute breaks and taking care of a customer. All day, Sasha tried her best to stay hydrated and eat a biscuit once in a while. All day, Sasha told Bernadette she would be fine. But she wasn't fine.

Not only was she not fine, but she would also not be fine. She would have to go home eventually, she would have to look after her mother all night long again, she would have no way to rest. And as she realized that her situation would not get better, that she would not get any sleep, and that she would have to struggle for at least another twenty four hours, Sasha felt her body giving up.

Her limbs were shaking, her skin felt like it was freezing all the while she was starting to sweat and suffocate. She started to feel dizzy, her face getting hot, her vision getting blurred by a veil of stars, and her ears buzzing. She tried to hold on to the counter but she was too weak.

She only remembered falling backwards and feeling her eyelids closing down.