Reality of Yearning (GxG)

10. Powerless

"Crap", Sasha cursed under her breath as she witnessed her phone screen turning black right when she was typing a positive answer to Cameron's question, begging for her 1% of battery to leave her enough time to send the text. As if.

She saw it as a scourge. The moment she decided to put herself first without overthinking it, Sasha was prevented from doing so. On top of that, her charger was at her house and by the time she got back home and plugged the device long enough for it to turn on, Sasha was scared it would be too late. She also needed to stop by the drug store to pick up her mother's medication so she figured that she wouldn't be able to spend the night with Cam and would have to leave her without any answer for a couple of hours.

"Sasha, sweetie, I have a favor to ask you if you don't mind", Bernadette requested her attention so she put her phone away and listened to her senior friend. "My daughter and granddaughter are visiting me on Wednesday and I would love to spend the whole day with them. Would it be okay for you to take over on your own?"

"Yeah of course. I have to make up for some hours on top of that so that's completely fine", Sasha smiled warmly to prove Bernadette she had no problem looking after the store in her absence.

"You're an angel. You can go right now if you want, I know the drug store closes relatively early."

"You're the true angel, Bernadette", Sasha joined her hands in a thankful manner and ran to the back room to grab her jacket and hangbag.

On her way to the drug store, Sasha couldn't control the haste of her steps. In her head, only one mission: getting home fast to text Cameron. However, Sasha wondered if life was playing with her nerves. When she arrived at the drug store, the line was never-ending and the agony of the wait was almost painful. Sasha silently thanked Bernadette for letting her go a few minutes earlier. Unlike the other customers who took their time over their turns, Sasha acted quickly, almost mechanically, to get the medicine and leave as fast as she could.

In the end, Sasha arrived home at the same usual time. She immediately plugged her phone and left it to charge while putting her belongings away. Her first instinct was to check on Nicole and she found her sitting on the bedroom floor, clothes scattered all around her, her body spinning in all directions to apparently sort them out. Not seeing any harm in that, Sasha wanted to leave her to it and run to her phone to send her text, but her mother was being uncontrolable.

Nicole first started by using her clothes as accessories for her music-less choreographies. Sasha nicely asked her to calm down and tried to reason her, but she was told to fuck off, so she left her mother to dance but she started picking up the clothes with the intention of folding them and putting them away in Nicole's wardrobe. What Sasha didn't expect was to be violently pushed to the ground and yelled at for having tried to rob her clothes.

"Mom, stop that. I don't want to steal anything, I'm just gonna put them back in your closet", Sasha explained in a composed tone as she stood up, her shoulder hurting a little from the fall.

"That's not true! You're going to take everything from me. I know it. You're going to strip me of my life. That's what you want."

"No, I want you to get better. I'm just trying my best to take care of you, okay?", Sasha reassured her and tried to take a step in her direction but Nicole screamed like an enraged bear and threw a shirt at Sasha, as if it was a murderous weapon.

"Get away from me! You are evil, Sasha!", Nicole yelled and picked up her phone from the bed before throwing it to Sasha's face, hitting her right in the eye.

"Fuck", she gritted her teeth and she covered her eye with her hand, her vision altered for a few seconds.

"Get away from me!", Nicole repeated and Sasha felt two hands on her shoulders that pushed her backwards, making her body hit the wall and making her lose her balance.

Sasha ended up on the floor, powerless, unable to retaliate. She had the physical capacities to, but she refused to become violent towards her mother. She did try to defend herself and hold her mother's hands and feet back, but Nicole still managed to inflict her several blows. She did try to talk to her, but Nicole's reason and common sense were completely gone. She did try to yell and ask her to stop, but Sasha was fully aware that in her mother's eyes, in that moment, she wasn't Sasha. She was an enemy. A devil. An evil presence trying to harm her.

At one point, Sasha had no choice. She had to respond. She had to tackle her mother to make her fall, which gave her a small window to exit the room and lock her mother in. After thanking her years of soccer practice, Sasha rushed towards her phone and switched it back on. The sight of Cam's question brought Sasha to tears. The shock of her mother's violence coupled with her strong desire but impossibility to see Cameron made Sasha frustrated and mad.

Instead of answering to Cam, Sasha texted Dr Schumer to tell him about the latest events and seek for advice. In less than ten minutes, Dr Schumer was already holding Sasha in his arms to comfort her and immediately asked for the details of the fight. In front of this emergency, Sasha agreed to sedate her mother so she gave Dr Schumer the bedroom key and let him handle the matter while she went to check her phone.

The least she needed to do was give Cameron an answer. Given her situation at home and her own vulnerability, Sasha felt that it would be impossible to spend time with Cameron. She wanted to. God, did she want to look into her green eyes and forget the world, but tonight would be difficult. She needed time for herself to recover.

Cam - Are you free tonight then?

Sasha - Would love to but tonight is a bit hectic... I'll be alone at the store all Wednesday though.

"You want me to take a look at yourself?", Dr Schumer asked as he closed the door of the bedroom.

"I'll be okay, don't worry", Sasha smiled in gratitude.

"Sasha, I'm not sure it's very safe for you to sleep here."

"How long will the medicine work?", Sasha asked.

"With the dose I gave her, either she falls asleep and only wakes up tomorrow morning as usual, or she remains awake but passive and is back on her feet in a few hours."

"Let's hope she falls asleep then", Sasha sighed and looked at the clock, trying to calculate if her mother would actually fall asleep and for how long.

"If there is anything, and I mean anything, you call me or you call 911", Dr Schumer instructed in a firm tone.

"Alright. Thanks again for everything", Sasha smiled tiredly and walked him out, her head focused on the night to come.

Sasha was wondering if she would be able to get a single minute of sleep, her answer globally being negative. She was thinking about her safety, about her mother's state, about Cameron, about her job, and about Bernadette who would most certainly advise her to send Nicole to a clinic or to surround her with constant nursing staff notwithstanding the cost.

But most of all, Sasha was asking herself, 'how long can you hold on like this before it kills you?'