what has this book become
"what's it like having a sister?"
[over text]
cherry: HEY BITCH. BIIIIITCH.
blossom: what
cherry: YOU TOOK MY FOUNDATION
blossom: YOU TOOK MY SHIRT LAST WEEK SO CALL IT EVEN AND DONT EVEN GO THROUGH MY STUFF AGAIN BITCH
cherry: I WAS GONNA ASK YOU BUT YOU WERE BEING MEAN :(
blossom: WHO CARES YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CLOTHING
blossom: WEAR YOUR OWN SHIT
blossom: wanna see a movie tomorrow
cherry: yeah
pink: okay girl the only thing you're gonna get is your feelings hurt.
cotton candy: but roguefort's so funny! :(
pink: so are clowns
pink: you don't see me textin chuck-e-cheese every day don't you
mint choco: crap! we've hit a roadblock!
sparkling: it's okay! if we all combine our skills, we can get acro- cheesecake what are you doing
cheesecake: [tossing money at the block] throwing money at it
mint choco: ch,cheesecake,,, money isn't the solution to everything
cheesecake: it is if you have enough
fire spirit: doctor told me my bleeding was internal. that's where my blood's supposed to be, right?
sea fairy: that's not-
wind archer: let him die. just let him die.
roll cake: [rolling on the ground choking]
dino: holy SHIT he's choking! call 911!
kiwi, mashing in buttons on a phone: i can't! the nine button is busted on this!
rockstar: dUDE JUST TURN THE PHONE OVER AND PRESS 6
kiwi: [does exactly that] you're a fucking genius
roll cake: [momentarily stops choking] what the fuck
moonlight: you played me like a fiddle!
dark enchantress: oh no, not a fiddle. i played you like the cheap kazoo you are.
fire spirit: what are you going to do if windy asks about my sexuality?
sea fairy: tell him to leave it alone?
fire spirit: no! tell him i'm gay. and single. only if he asks, though.
mint choco: i know you're deflecting the problem by making jokes about how hot you are
cheesecake: [sniffles] it's not a joke i'm a legit snack
grapefruit: how do people stay in their houses ALL DAY?
lemon: my stuff is in there and i don't like people.
dragonfruit, flying across the town at 3am: makin my way downtown, walkin' fast...
fire spirit, charging towards him in his flame form: RED DRAGONFRUIT COOKIE
dragonfruit, picking up the speed: walkin' faster
betrayal part 2
pomegranate: how did you find me, brother?
black licorice: i typed "bitch" into the gps.
fire spirit: hey windy how do you spell "orange?"
wind archer: [fucking with him] the fruit or the color?
fire spirit: [visible panic and confusion]
lemon: i have depression
orange: you should go out or take a vacation
lemon, at the beach: now i have tropical depression
peach: they call me a snacc because i'm coated in maple syrup and they can't catch me
plum: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN
sea fairy: [gets down on one knee]
moonlight (crescent): oh my god it's finally happening.
sea fairy: [falls over]
crescent: the poison is kicking in :)
dragonfruit: dad look! i made a spoon hat!
fire spirit, drinking soup with a fork: well that explains that.
judge: how do you plead?
red pepper: [mouths "not guilty"]
chili pepper: hot milky
red pepper, slamming the table: just fucking arrest her already
wind archer: what the fuck is wrong with you?
fire spirit: wow. couldn't at least said good morning.
wind archer: good morning! what the fuck is wrong with you?
roll cake, handing out candy bars: here ya go kid
soda: aw man! why not king sized? :(
roll cake, shaking: a king can be any size
rockstar: you can't spell cat without "a"
kiwi: without a what
rockstar: without "a"
dino: a what
pink choco: deaf people speak in sign language because actions speak louder than words!
dj: all this time i thought it was because they couldn't hear
black friday shopping:
plum: [stays at home, goes online for deals]
peach: [shoving and battling the other shoppers at the mall] OUT OF THE WAY BITCHES THAT COFFEE MAKER IS MINE
walnut: homework: unfinished
grapefruit: sleep schedule: ruined
lemon: self esteem: low
plum: body: hurts
pink choco: life: a mess
dino: yee: haw
alchemist: he gets upset about ridiculous things
therapist: well perhaps-
vampire, throwing a glass pitcher against the wall: CARPET IS HOUSE GRASS
roll cake: look, it doesn't matter how tall i am. just know mentally speaking, i'm 5'11!
rockstar: oh, so you're a gremlin?
roll cake: I WILL DESTROY YOU
rockstar: careful with my ankles! i need them!
roll cake: AAAAAAAAAAAAA
pink choco: how do i make decisions, you ask?
pink choco: well first i ask myself: would dj do that?
pink choco: and if the answer is yes, i stay away from it.
YOU ARE READING
cookie run shitpost oneshots/headcanons
Fanfictionno more updates! thanks for reading gang kiwi has finally reached the breaking point and died making this book of bullshit cookie run didn't deserve this (suggestive mentions but no direct nsfw so its fine- also there's swearing) (this is a SHITPOST...
