Living With Dying

Panic and Smile

Panic

I got his text about 5 minutes ago and I was already standing outside his hospital door. I caught my breath and opened the door to reveal Eren standing in front of the window dancing. But it wasn't a professional dance it was a childish dance. He did a quick spin and we made eye contact, he screamed in panic and grabbed the nearest thing he could grab (A plastic Cup) and threw it at my forehead.

"Tch. Brat."

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"THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING!!!"

Eren was now sitting in his hospital bed with his face in his hands while I sat in a chair with my arms crossed.  "Why were you even out of your bed and dancing? You're supposed to be resting." Eren stopped whining and looked up at me "I was dancing my worries away." I just let out a simple "oh" and looked out the hospital window.

There was a question that kept bugging me and I think I already knew the answer. But for some odd reason it just kept coming to my mind and I knew it was gonna keep bugging me until I asked him. I turned my attention from the window to Eren. His eyes were sparkling as usual and his tan skin was glowing, it looked soft and smooth. I wanted to touch it. I wanted to hold him, but if I get to attached then it'll hurt more when he's gone. I took a breath and moved the chair closer to his bed.

"Eren, are you really gonna die?"

I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine, I saw his hands shake a bit from the corner of my eye. I was about to tell him to forget what I just said but he just laughed and smiled.

 "Yep. I sure am."

I sat there in shock and I clenched my fists. What's wrong with me? What is this painful feeling in my chest?  Why is this happening? 

This tight feeling in my chest...it was new to me. It was strange and I didn't like it. I snapped out of my thoughts when I felt a warm hand grab mine. I looked to see Eren pulling my hand up to his chest and placing it over his heart. I could feel his heart beating and I closed my eyes and sighed in relief. Then Eren spoke,

"I'm going to die soon. It could be today, it could be tomorrow. Or I could die right here and now. Maybe I'll die in a couple weeks, months, and if I'm lucky, in years. But right now. You feel it. Right? My heart. It's beating."

I opened my eyes and looked at him, I could see tears threatening to fall. I don't know what came over me but the next thing I knew I was holding him in my arms. I could feel his warmth. I liked it. Holding him in my arms was relaxing and comforting. I wanted to stay like this forever.

"Yes, you're heart is beating. It's beating because you're alive, and I hope it keeps beating."

I felt him start to cry and felt his breath against my neck.

I didn't care that he was getting his tears all over my shirt. He needed to cry, he needed to let those locked up emotions out. He needed someone to cry on.

And that someone was gonna be me.

                                                                Smile

I watched as Levi walked towards the door, and this weird feeling formed in my chest. It was a nice feeling but I needed to get rid of it. It was pointless to keep it there. I got out my hospital bed and grabbed Levi's hand before he walked any further. I didn't make eye contact with him, I just stared down at his hand and took a breath.

"Levi, I promise I'll let you know when I'm gonna die. I wanna make sure you're there when I start to fade away."

And then I looked up at him and smiled. He nodded in response and I let go of his hand as he walked out the room.

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Later that day, I spent the rest of the time laying in bed, looking out the window and watching as birds flew by or clouds formed into shapes. I heard the door to my room open and looked to see my mother standing there with a smile on her face, but there was a faint glow of sadness in her eyes. Which was something I didn't like to see in my Mother's eyes, I liked seeing her happy.

She sat down in a chair and let out a sigh. "It's nice and warm outside today." She stated. I hummed in response and looked down at my hands. "How are you feeling honey?" My Mom placed her hand on top of mine. When I die, I'm gonna need her to do something. I've been working on it for awhile now. In fact, I've working on it, ever since I was diagnosed. And I need to make sure he gets it or he may never move on from my death.

"Mom...can you do me a favor?"

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And I just wanted to give you a heads up that this story is going to get more emotional. So yeah just wanted to let you know and thanks for reading! Love you all!