Pretend

4

Samantha looked at the beach from her window as the cold breeze hit her face. She could see a couple of kids playing with the sand, some were flying kites as if it's already summer. No matter how cold the weather was getting, they looked like they're having a good time.

A great and fantastic time.

She could faintly hear Kyle's words rang into her head like a big rusty old bell.

"If you leave this house and go with those two then don't ever come back."

She closed her eyes and she could faintly see how they glared at her as she reached out for that door with all of her belongings.

"And don't ever call yourself our sister again."

Samantha's eyes started to water as she stared at the kids. They looked like they're having so much fun.

No troubles at all.

"And don't ever call yourself our sister again."

She didn't even notice herself shaking as she grip on her pillow tighter. She didn't even notice herself feeling so heavy again that it made her want to scream at how painful it was carrying the heaviness.

She hugged her knees to her chest and placed her head weakly on it. "Just make it stop... "

She has experienced trauma at such a young age.

She then had Dissociative amnesia.

She drowned in those waters while pretending to be okay to her brothers.

Her brothers that loved the person who made Samantha like this. Oh don't be such a bitter kid will what they'll say if they heard her say that.

But for such a long damn time, she pretended that she was okay.

Was that alright?

Was that normal? To be drowned by your own cousin after she said that  she loved you dearly?

'Well, you let her do it. It was your fault.'

She was a kid. Nothing but a child for Christ's sake. She wasn't even ten at that time. She didn't have any power to do anything back then.

If she cried about it, will her family listen?

No.

They loved Lydia too much for them to listen.

Now that they're all grown up, Samantha thought that she could ride her happy ending like in one of those movie endings.

Her family loved Lydia but couldn't love their own youngest?

Well, wow, that hurts like hell, don't you think?

Now she knows where depression comes from!

Today is just a result of her being tired of pretending.

She just wants to rest.

But insomnia sweeps her up to her feet like a damn hero.

Insomnia's got this romantic way of showing her that the stars and the moon are a good company. Insomnia's got a this kind of way of showing how time is this slow ticking clock where no matter what, you can't move it or change it because like life, the past is the past and we can never change it.

Besides, her nightmares aren't very welcoming.

Her nightmares are just a reminder that she's been through hell. It's not even about Lydia anymore.

It's about her whole family now.

After everything, maybe they'll just forget about Samantha. Pretend that everything was just a bad dream.

So yeah, she's being dramatic. She's being an asshole. The bitter idiot. The selfish prick here, but she's just tired. She's just too tired to see it.

Just too tired to care of what people call her now.

The idiot?

The insensitive one?

The overly dramatic depressed kid?

Yeah, she's too tired to care.

"Samantha?"

The girl looked at her door and saw Xendrix and Daniel, who were looking at her worriedly.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked.

'No.'

Samantha nodded and coughed awkwardly. "Y-Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

"You're crying." Xendrix answered.

Samantha's hand automatically touched her cheeks and it was wet. She sniffled and wiped it off immediately.

"S-Sorry." She apologized. "I'm sorry..."

'Don't kick me out.'

Daniel walked towards her and sat at her bed.

"Shhh... You're okay, Sam." He shushed her. "You'll be alright."

'You'll never be okay.'

"How?" Samantha couldn't help but ask as a sob came out of her mouth before she could even stop it. "Dan, how?"

'It'll never be okay! You're broken.'

"By telling us your problems." Xendrix said, walking towards them. "The more you keep it in, the heavier it'll feel."

'Just kill yourself, Sam. It'll all be over.'

"How do you know?"

Xendrix gave her a look that made Samantha rethink her question.

"Trust me." Xendrix whispered. "I've felt it before."

'Never trust someone who already broke it.'

Samantha cried louder and she couldn't help but put her head on Daniel's shoulder as she cried.

Daniel hugged her protectively as he pat her back.

"There's no one broken in this world, Samantha." Daniel said softly to her. "There was just no one there to help them."

"Besides, no matter how rude you'll ever get to be. That doesn't add up to how many times we've been rude to you."

Samantha looked up at Xendrix and he smiled softly.

"Yeah, so bring out your inner monster because we're not going anywhere."

"He told you before, right?" Daniel sighed as he caressed her cheek. "You were this weak, dependent little girl who was so determined to make us like you even if we called you names and have done so many things that was considered rude and you were still nice,  friendly and kind of stupid about it."

Samantha laughed weakly as she cried.

"You don't have to feel sorry about everything that you've done so far that will give you an idea of us kicking you out, okay?" Xendrix said. "You're not a burden."

'Yes you are. Can't you see how you keep bringing everyone down?'

Samantha nodded, feeling too tired to  argue or even talk to them so she leaned forward and placed her head again on Daniel's shoulder while he hugged her protectively against him.

Before she closed her eyes. She smiled softly and whispered.

"Thank you... "

______________________________________

Samantha's been through a lot and I think she's got the right to be mad after she tried to calmly let her brothers see the truth even after she was betrayed and even after she remembered the trauma but that's just my thoughts!

Can I have some of your thoughts about this?

I hope you leave a vote guys! ♥♥