The Fall of Izaya Orihara

Chapter 5

Izaya POV

I woke up feeling warm and safe. My head and body still ached with pain, and I tried to sit up, wincing. I looked around after managing to prop myself into a sitting position. The protozoan himself was in my bed, his arms wrapped around my legs. "The hell?" I mumbled quietly, not wanting to wake him, fearing if he does I'll be a dead man. I noticed I was in different clothes than I was before, the scars on my arms clearly visible. Embarrassment turned to fear as I remember what happened. I threw up and passed out. Did Shizuo bathe me and change my clothes? My red cheeks turned pale realizing he must have seen all the scars littering my body. I tried my best to wiggle out of his grip without disturbing him.

Once free the monster groaned in his sleep, rolling over on the bed. I snuck into the bathroom to relieve myself and to check my wounds. Seeing the bandages soaked in blood in the trashcan made me mutter a curse. Suddenly a familiar feeling swamped me as I rummaged through the bathroom cabinet, pulling out a sharp blade. I held the knife to my wrist, dragging it slowly across, watching as blood beaded and slid down my arm and onto the tile floor below.

I lost count of how long this went on, how many cuts were now spilling crimson blood onto the floor and vanity sink. My head spun with dizziness and I giggled slightly, a euphoric feeling numbing my senses. I grabbed a roll of gauze and bandaged my wrist haphazardly. I left the bathroom, forgetting the blade on the sink. I grabbed my hoodie and changed my clothes into my usual attire. I sat at my desk, and began working on my computer. As the euphoria passed I could feel my wrists begin to burn with pain, but didn't care.

Shizuo entered the room sleepily, glancing over at me working, before entering the bathroom. "What the fuck?!" I heard him scream from inside, and realization hit me that I hadn't cleaned up the blood, or hidden the blade. Shizuo stomped out of the bathroom over to me, grabbing me roughly by the collar and hoisting me midair. I yelped, before closing my eyes and letting myself go limp, accepting the beating that would surely come.

Instead I felt myself being lowered, and cradled closely to the protozoan's chest. How many times would this beast confuse me today? I could feel him pulling up my sleeves and examining my wrist, covered in already soaked gauze. "Why?" His voice cracked, his tongue heavily with concern. I looked away, guilty. I didn't answer him, as I didn't even have the answer for myself.

The pain was addicting, the euphoria that came after immense. And in the end it's not like I had anyone who would care, right? I felt warm liquid drop onto my face, and looked up in shock as tears streamed down Shizu-chan's cheeks. Why was he crying? I placed a hand on his cheek, wiping the tears, still out of it from my fever and my wounds. I didn't care, I just followed my instinctual urge to comfort the man. "What's wrong?" I croaked, the question making the man above me look at me in confusion.
"What's wrong? What's wrong!?" He yelled shaking with anger, his tone making me whimper in fear. Shizuo didn't realize this however, and continued to yell furiously, "What's wrong is this! All of this! You're reckless and nearly get yourself killed! Then I find you've been hurting yourself! What the hell is wrong with you you dumb flea!?"

His grip on me tightens, and my eyes squeeze shut as he yells, fearful. He slaps my face, hard, and I feel tears escaping my eyes. Almost as soon as he hits me, he stops, and sits down with me in his arms. His grip slackens and he apologizes profusely, and tried to calm me. However I can't fight the panic building up inside, tightening my chest. I struggle to breathe, my lungs screaming for air. My breathing quickens, and I begin hyperventilating, unable to stop. I feel the brute cradle me and rock me, one hand petting my hair and rubbing my back. After a few minutes I am reducing to hiccuping and sniffling, my face resting against his chest.

"It's okay...you're okay" The soothing voice of the beast sounding alien to my ears. Usually the only voice I get from him are angry yells. I sigh in relief, enjoying the gentle embrace. I was so touch starved, I savored every moment that he held me. I wish I could just lay here, in his arms, forever.