Tough decision
Since the episode with Jola ,I've been feeling like I did something impossible ,but I have also been feeling a bit guilty because it's like I spoke to her rudely,she's my friend,she's human and she has feelings too,no matter how annoying she can be,I feel so bad about the way I spoke to her , I think some people were listening to what I said to her , I think I embarrassed her . I acted out of anger ,it was an irrational action...... I need to apologise to Jola,I'm home from church already,and I can't see her till Sunday,so I'll have to do that over the phone....so I switched on my data,and requested for a video call,she accepted,when we got connected I said "I'm sorry about the way I spoke to you in church,I acted out of anger,and clearly I wasn't thinking when I said all that,please forgive me".
Whoah, apologising to someone isn't easy ,but it's nice because now my conscience is free all that is left is for her to accept my apology " I forgive you,and ,I'm also sorry,I should never have tried to make you date,it's wrong for me to pressurize you into doing anything,I should have put myself into your shoes and thought a bit,and thanks for letting your feelings out,at least now I know I'm not to bring up the topic of you dating anyhow"
"Thank you for accepting my apology"
"Friends?
"Sure,see you Sunday. Bye"
"Bye"
So that's over, we're friends again, and we're both aware of the wrongs we have made, hopefully we won't commit any more crimes against each other again.
Now,all I have to do is study more and more,because I'm writing my final exams already, WAEC , so far so good,it's been perfect,all I read came out,I've been able to answer the questions correctly with the help of the Holy-Spirit,and anyone I couldn't remember the answer,I asked God to remind me, and he always gives me immediate response,but come to think of it , Ben did mention that he wanted to tell me something when I recover fully,well,I'm fully recovered,so let me find out what it is... But that will be at night before I study or read my Bible, I have things to do right now. I also want to play with my baby brother,it's been long we had fun together,he loves to play football.....typical......he's a boy.
Later at night..........
J.b and I just put Olu to sleep, we had a fun day together,we played hide and seek, football, we ran,we skipped and we strolled around for some minutes...... I can't wait till my exam is over....... But I have to ask Ben what he wants to tell me..... Chatting time,I hope it's something good,I can't take any bad news at the moment ,I feel good.
"Hey you" I messaged him" what do you want to tell me about?"
"I'll tell you that tomorrow" he replied,well,good for me ,I have more time to study tonight, lucky me!
"Bye then" I said and went offline.
I have a new goal, I want to learn how to control my anger, it gets out of hand sometimes,and I don't like it,even the Bible says so;
" Be not hasty in thy Spirit to be angry;for anger resteth in the bosom of fools"
(Ecclesiastes 7:9)
The Bible also warns of keeping company with "hot headed" people.
"Make no friendship with an angry man;and with a furious man thou shalt not go; lest thou learn his ways,and get a snare to thy soul."
(Proverbs 22:24-25).
I don't want to fall under the category of the typical "fool" so I have to learn to tame my anger.....and like always,the Bible has all the answers I need. Which is why tonight,my Bible study is focused on "anger" there should be scriptures talking about anger,I'm sure I'll find those in the book of Proverbs ,let's read together.
"He who is slow to anger has great understanding"
(Proverbs 14:29).
Wow that's a shocker,but,come to think of it,it is true. If you think before reacting then you have an understanding,like,if someone does something to you,and you think, you'll find out if the action is worth getting angry over or not......so yeah,he who is slow to anger does have great understanding ! That's good!
Just found another;
"He who is slow to anger is better than the powerful"
(Proverbs 16:32)
I think it's passing the same message as the previous scripture. A leader isn't a good leader if he gets angry easily,no one would like to come in contact with him on any matter, because he can explode at any time,and he can be unwise in the use of the power he possesses,but someone who is calm and slow in spirit to get angry can actually be a better leader then the "hot-headed man".
I thank God for the revelation he has given me, now,all I have left to do,is to apply what i have learnt tonight into my life from now on...... I ask God for his grace oh!
..........The next day...........
It is a new day ,it is open to new possibilities, I have a headstart to a bright future from God,all I have to do is use it wisely,if I can control my anger at pointless things ....well,today is the day for me to test myself. And I also have to find out what Ben wants to tell me so bad.
"Hey Ben,good morning...." I greeted Ben as I got to my seat, "morning Bec,how was your weekend?"
"Erm,it was fine,save for Sunday"
"Do you wish to share it with me?"
"Sure",then I told him all about what happened between Jola and I ,and he got resolved, "WOW!" He exclaimed "clearly not all girls can hold grudges for years,I'm proud of you Becca,you're so mature!"
"Thanks Ben,so um, what do you want to tell me anyway?" I need to find out.
"Well.......it's kind of hard to say"
"Just put it anyhow".
"I .....um, I like you Becca"
"Aww,I like you too"
"Not that way! Like,I really like you, like,I think I have deep feelings for you,and I mean it"
Okay that's a shocker,I should have expected that!
"Wow... Um...I don't know what to say,but, I think I also have a crush on you too...... Yikes that IS hard to say"
"I know right?" He said,and we laughed. Then he said "I was actually thinking if you would like to be my girl...."
"Uh?! You don't mean it "
"Actually I do!"
"Can you give me time to think about it please?"
"Yeah sure"
"Great,so tell me about YOUR weekend" I said to ease tension,then he went on and on about his weekend . It was actually fun,he went to the airport with his family,then to the seaport, I'm guessing it was kind of a family excursion or something.
So revision class is on,and the Ferocious A's are actually calm,which is wierd , because anytime they're calm it actually means trouble,so I'm guessing I might be their target . Oh God help me.
Miss Bukola left out class and all was calm till Abigail came to me and insulted me for no reason,she believes that there is no way I didn't want to punish them for what they did to me,and that I was probably trying to get "stars" which is not true ; then I heard Busayo insult me ,all I did was to smile and listen ,then I brought out my book to read I don't know why I did that.... But it felt good to ignore the insults and hold my peace. After all the wise man knows how to hold his tongue .... And I need to control my anger ..... Soon enough, Abigail went back to her seat,and Busayo stopped insulting me,then Ben asked me
"You didn't say anything despite the insults,I'm surprised"
"Don't be,the Bible has made me realize that only the foolish one gets angry without thinking,and I'm not going to be a fool anymore.... I'm now a new being".
"I'm glad you are"
"Me too".
Come to think of it,I didn't know I could resist the urge to trade words with Abigail or to tell her she's wrong ,but I did,I thank God.
But I've got something bigger on my mind , Ben's proposal,I want to say "yes" so badly,but I can't ,I like him,he's a great guy,but why do I want to date him?
What exactly would I gain from dating Ben? Let's say a title "Ben's girlfriend" or "Ben's bae" gosh no! I don't need those ,okay why else do I need him as a boyfriend? To feel loved? But I am loved, people love me,and some hate me,which is natural.
Now,what would I lose if I date him? I got one!; I'll get distanced from God ,I might be too focused in giving Ben my utmost attention; phone calls,talks and many more, forgetting that I have someone greater than him in my life before he surfaced. I might be so absorbed in phone calls,I might not be able to pray or to even read my Bible ....... Why would I want that? I can't maintain my relationship with God if I'll be giving all my attention to a boy .
I might even prefer hanging out with him to playing with my siblings or spending time with my friends,worse k might not be contented with the love he's showering on me that I might go ahead and date another guy . Besides, I LOVE my single life. No boyfriend,no stress, I don't know how true that is and I'm not ready to find out.
Now,I've come to a conclusion,I'm not going to to date Ben the disadvantages are way more than the advantages . And the Bible also says there's a time for everything,so I'll wait for my time.
"There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under heaven"
(Ecclesiastes 3:17)
So I turned to Ben and said "want to talk? About......that stuff?"
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah"
"So,um....will.....you be my girlfriend?"
"I want to ...... but I can't be your girlfriend,I don't feel.like I'm ready to date,I want to day yes so badly,but I don't feel like it's right ,I don't know a scripture against it,but I do know there is a time for everything"
"Then I'll wait till you're ready!"
"Are you for real?"
"Yes nah!! It's not easy to find a girl who will do anything to please God ,she's a good wife material" he said smirking,then I hit him hard on his arm,and said "glad you understand me"
"Not a problem,just remember my request when you're ready"
"By God's grace"
Well,it wasn't easy .......my heart wanted me to say "yes" .....well,my flesh wanted me to say "yes" but the mind of Christ in me clearly said "no" I thank God for his spirit in me ...... I've been transformed, reading the Bible daily and praying really works.
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Life Of Becca
SpiritualA story about what teenagers face in their life,challenges that contradict their religious beliefs and moral standards,and how to overcome them. Obstacles and friends who you have to face.
