A song for the mafia (bwwm)

14

I tried to change
Closed my mouth more
Tried to be soft, prettier
Less... awake
Fasted for 60 days
Wore white
Abstained from mirrors
Abstained from sex
Slowly did not speak another word
And that time my hair I grew past my ankles
I slept on a mat on the floor
I swallowed a sword
I levitated
Into the basement
Confessed my sins
And was baptized in a river
Got on my knees and said, "Amen"
And said, "I mean"
I whipped my own back
And asked for dominion at your feet
I threw myself into a volcano
I drank the blood and drank the wine
I sat alone in begged and bent at the waist for God
I crossed myself in thought
I saw the devil
I grew thickened skin on my feet
I bathed in bleach
And plugged my menses with the pages from the holy book
But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know
Are you cheating?
Are you cheating on me?
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A women's intuition is a women's gift but a men's curse.

That's what my mother would always tell me when I was little. For some reason I just feel this overwhelming sense of Roman. I think he's cheating on me.

Ever since I told him that I am pregnant ,two months ago. He started acting strangely. He would come home at a late time,every time I'm on the phone with him he seems....occupied.

Today I'm going to the doctors to find out my baby's gender. Pregnancy has been kicking my derrière. Luckily I have Vic here with me.
"Don't worry Viv he'll be here," Victor reassured once he noticed me biting my nails.
"He should of been here thirty minutes ago.... Fuck it he should of been the one driving me here," I huffed
  I've been waiting inside the waiting room for thirty minutes for Roman's sorry ass to show up. I pulled out my phone
Me: where tf are u !!!!!!!?
Me: I swear to all mighty God if you  missed this I'll never forgive you

"Ms. Jackson ,the doctor is ready to see you," a voice announced. I tossed my phone back in my bag and looked at Victor.
"Would you come with me please," I begged.
He smiled and said, "Of course I'll come, I'm tryna see what my godchild is."
We headed in the room and waited for the doctor.
"Good morning Mrs.Jackson, I'm Dr.Lewis and I'll be in charge of your ultrasounds and delivery," a deep brass voice said.
I looked up to see the finest brother I've ever seen. Dr.Lewis stood about 6'4 with a built figure. His skin was dark and seems so silky smooth. He had dreads tied up into a man bun and his beard.
Oh god his beard. It was full and well managed.
Ready for me to wet it
"Mrs. Jackson?" His voice brought me back to reality.
"Oh I'm sorry, Good morning and it's Ms.Jackson," I blushed.
He smiled and he focused his attention to Victor.
"And you are?" He asked.
"Oh he's my bo-"
"I'm her brother," Victor interrupted me.
Dr. Lewis raised his eyebrow as they shook hands and nodded at each other.

"Okay I'm going to lift up your shirt and put this gel on you, disclaimer the gel is cold," Dr.Lewis informed.
I hissed as he put the gel on my stomach.
"Pussy," I heard Victor whispered. I may have mistakenly hit him in the gut by accident.
He lets out a low groan.
"Everything alright there?" Dr.Lewis asked
"Yeah.... Just.. bubble guts," Victor groaned.
It took everything in me not to fall out and laugh.
"Oookaay.. so you see this sac here that's where your baby is at," Dr.Lewis said as he turned back facing the screen. "And if you see here, you can see the baby's penis," he said. I looked at the screen and smiled.
"Congratulations Ms.Jackson, it's a boy," he looked at me and smiled.
"Nah congratulations to me, I get my nephew," Victor started dancing. Dr.Lewis started to chuckle. Oh great heavens
I rolled my eyes. Can't take him no fucking where
"Sit your ass down," I nagged him.
"Alright this wraps up the day, do you have any questions," he asked. I shook my head as he helped me off the chair.
"Well Ms.Jackson, I'll be looking for more appointments with you," he smiled.
"Me too," I smiled.
"Her number is 214- xxx-xxxx," Victor blurted out.
I looked back at him with my jaw hanging low.
"Got it, I'll text you later today,"Dr.Lewis confirmed
I was too stunned to speak.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I pinched Victors arm
"God dammit Viv, are you a damn crab," he exaggerated. I held my fist up.
"Sorry sorry damn," he flinches. I laughed at his reaction.
"For someone so big your sure scared of witty ol me," I teased him. "Have you met you," he countered argued.
He got a point.
"Anyways why did u do that?" I asked. 
"Do what?" He acts dumb. I raised my fist again.
"Okay okay sheesh, never met a violent pregnant woman in my life before," he sasses. I rolled my eyes. "You need someone better than that guy, even though he's my boss and could possibly kill me, I would rather see you happy," he confesses.
"Aww antman," I hugged him tight.
"Okay okay now it's time to feed my nephew," he suggested. I nodded and followed him back to the car.
Before I got into the car. My phones buzzed in my purse. I got it out to see it was a text from Roman. I rolled my eyes and opened the message.
Roro: he's busy 😏
*insert pictures *
All I could ever see is

RED