The Trevor Lifeline (LGBTQ Helpline) | ONGOING

✆ call #1

Bennett || Josie

"Hello, Trevor Lifeline, this is Bennett speaking, how may I help you?"

"Uh, h-hi."

"Hi, what's your name?"

"Um...Josie."

"Hi, Josie—"

"Well, no."

"...What?"

"It's Timothy...my legal name is Timothy. I mean, you asked for me name and that's...just what it is..."

"But you feel like you are Josie? Like when you're called Josie, you're being seen for the first time?"

"...Yes."

"Then that's all I need. What can I do for you, Josie?"

"...I think you're the first person who's ever called me that. I...my parents never...It's just been so difficult!"

"Tell me what's been going on."

"My parents believe I'm just confused and I'll eventually get over this, like it's a phase."

"..."

"I feel horrible for complaining about them because they're still defending me, but it's not for the right reason. Sometimes at night I can hear them praying that I'll stop being confused and that God will heal me from this mental illness so that they can start talking to the rest of my family again and put all this fighting behind us. They still treat me like I'm a boy and ignore me when I correct them."

"..."

"I've wanted to be a girl since I was little. Even at like age four, I just wanted my...well, body to change, and I wore my cousin's clothing...and it all felt so right. But my parents have chosen to ignore that."

"..."

"My friends are the same as my family, they've either stopped talking to me completely or are pretending I never told them anything and still refer to me as Timothy."

"..."

"...I...don't think I can live like this."

"No, Josie, don't say that."

"What if they're right? What if I am really just confused? I'm only 12, maybe I'm too young to really understand..."

"Listen, no one has the power to erase what others are. Just because I say the moon no longer exists doesn't mean that it doesn't, I'm just choosing to ignore it."

[Pause] "That's true."

"When you really think about it, it makes you want to laugh. Like...who do they think they are? Some all-powerful deity that has the ability to control the universe? Nope, you're just a whiny bitch---ah, sorry. I shouldn't curse around children. You're too pure."

"...I'm 12, Bennett."

"Exactly."

"I'm in middle school, Bennett. Cursing is the first thing I picked up. Last week I walked into a group of boys snorting cocaine off their binders in the bathroom. My lab partner is pregnant. The captain of the football team was recently arrested for arson after he burned down his estranged father's house."

"Jesus Christ, Josie---what the fuck---"

"...Yeah."

"Okay...fair point. Anyway, when someone is saying that things they don't like don't exist, I'm like 'oh shit, Karen, you really did it. Gays don't exist anymore. Because you said so, yes, you, the...pasty hag who works at Safeway.'"

[laugh] "That's one way of looking at it."

"That's my way of looking at it, Jo. And it's the best way, not because I came up with it but just because my logic is irrefutable."

"...Really?"

"I'm just...devastatingly intelligent. 'Woke' is what the young people call it. I'm just at this higher level of thinking that other people can't understand."

[snicker] "Wow."

"Side note, I'm also incredibly handsome, and very kind, and generous, and...uh..."

"Humble?"

"Exactly. But I hide it, you know, so I don't intimidate anybody with my talents."

"How generous."

"...Are you sassing me, Jo?"

"I would never."

"Heh."

"..."

"Feeling better, kid?"

"A little..."

"...but?"

"I know you're right, but I can't...fight my whole town, Bennett. It's just me against...everyone. I have this terrible feeling that I'll never be happy like this. I'll never be accepted and loved as a girl. Not just friends and family...but will I ever get a boyfriend? Will I ever get married? Not in this town. And if I stay a boy, everyone will like me again, but I'll always be miserable. There's no winning for me."

"...You were right about one thing, Josie...you're too young for this. You're too young to feel this way. You have your whole life ahead of you, Jo. You're only 12! When I was 12, I was still playing with...like, Legos and shit."

"What choice do I have? I'm all alone."

"No you're not. I'm here for you."

"Yeah, but not all the time! Not at home."

"Listen, you're not the only person who feels this way. Personally, when I was having doubts about my identity, I found a huge community online. They reassured me that what I was feeling is completely normal and that a lot of people felt the same way."

"..."

"I want you to find them too. I want you to be surrounded by people who accept you as you."

"...I guess I can try."

"Please do. And hey, if you ever need me, you know where to find me."

"Thanks Bennett. Really, I don't know what I would've done without you."

"Aww, thanks Jo. Your happiness is all I ask for. Also, stacks of cash will do nicely---"

"Bye!"

***Click***

A/N: First chapter is upppp *starry eyes emoji* The first few calls will be other callers, so that it will help you understand Devi and Bennett's personalities. Thoughts so far? Who else loves Bennett? I didn't plan on having Ben and Josie's relationship turn out so nicely, fuck, now I want them to meet, their brother-sister relationship is EVERYTHING.

On a sadder note, a lot of Josie's feelings were inspired by Leelah Alcorn. She was the first trans person I had ever learned about, and I really wish she could've had the happy ending she deserved so much.