It's okay... everything's fine (COMPLETED/DISCONTINUED)

Okay

I go to bed with happy thoughts wishing that day could do on forever.

Lance POV

I look up at the time from my corner. It's 18:34 and I'm glad I'm not being beaten to death. It's been a month since I've been here in space. It's nice. But... it's not home. I get homesick often and when I do, I cut. I don't eat, I don't leave my room. I don't do anything. Keith comes into my room 3 times a day to check on me and bring me food which I never touch. I mean, I'm fat enough. I brought my scale and it says about 31 kilograms or 67 pounds.

Keith will come in 26 minutes to bring my 'dinner'. I won't eat it.

Time skip, when keith comes

Knock knock knock

"Come in."
"Hey lance..."
I don't respond.
"I brought you pizza today..."
I still don't respond.
"Lance... please talk to me..."
"No need."
"Why?" Keith says coming over to me.
When he gets to my level and sits in front of me with my food in his hand.
"Lance look at me."
I do but my cheeks are tear stained and my eyes are red. I bet he's wondering why I'm not making sound. Heh, oh well.
"Please eat a little. For me?"
"No..."
"Why?"
"I'm too fat..."
"Lance," Keith says putting the plate down to his side, hugging me, "how much do you weigh?"
I'm quiet.
"Lance..." he asks me in a worried tone.
"31 kilograms or 67 pounds..."

Keith releases his grip and forces me to eat but I can't. When he feeds me part of the pizza, I chew it but after I swallow, I feel the need to throw up. I run to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. Keith asks me to open the door but I don't.

I stand over the toilet and throw up immediately, not even needing to make myself gag.

After throwing up I return out of the bathroom. Keith walks over to me and hugs me. "Why can't you eat lance...?"
I stay silent and start crying making slight noises, when I do I realize and cover my mouth and back away. As Keith comes over to me, I start hyperventilating and getting nervous he'll hit me. He notices and backs away and sees that I've calmed down.

"Lance... I won't hurt you... your okay. I'm okay. We're okay. I'm going to come over now, Okay?"
I nod my head as he comes over. I'm still scared shitless and he just hugs me and plays with my hair as we lean up against my bed and I've been leaning and cuddling up against him.

I start to fall asleep on Keith. Before I do he moves me to the bed. I tug on his sleeve before he leaves. He gets the message and comes into bed with me. We cuddle. I'm the little spoon and I loved being in his arms.

Next day

I wake up to see Keith next to me. I cuddle closer to him as he wakes up. He sees that I'm awake.

"Lance..."
"Yes...?"
"Why can't you eat...?"
"I-I'm Sorry Keith... I want to tell you... but I can't..."
"Lance... I need to know. I promise— wait no, I swear that I'll make things right and help you."
He remembered how I feel about promises. No one does.
"I have... I have many disorders," I start off with, "how much do you want to know?"
"As much as you'll say."
"Well... some of the disorders are insomnia, due to being scared that my father will hit me or my brother... Severe depression from my fathers abuse and family issues... panic attacks from my father... anxiety from all the trauma and fear... anorexia from my father... and all of these from lotor and his crew as well... along with so many phobias..."
I'm crying and I didn't even know it. I didn't realize how long I was talking for until I hear Keith in tears and my sleeve up... he's spooning me even more. He won't let go and I don't want him too.

"I swear I'll help you make everything better lance... I swear on my life, everything will be okay..."

I can't help but cry. I miss all of this attention, affection, love, care, etc. I miss it so much I forgot what it feels like from anyone besides seb until today.

We just stay in that position for awhile until we get up. Keith leaves the room for a second and tells me to follow. I don't want to but I do when he takes my hand and tells me, "everything will be okay. We're going to get food and coming back. I don't want you in here alone," that is the only reason I go. I don't want to leave and/or lose him.

We just get a snack for me and an apple for him. We go back to my room and I feel safe again with Keith there and me there.

He helps me eat... it's a granola bar so eat maybe 1 or 2 granola bits per bite. After 2 bites. I can't eat anymore.

"There. I had 2 bites."
"More like 1/5 of a bite."
"Anymore and I'll throw up!"
"At least you ate a little... I proud of you." Him saying this makes me feel happy. I want him to always be proud of me but I know that this is all an act.

My mind starts to wonder even though he's in the same room as me. My mind wonders to a dark place...

Unloved.
Worthless.
Useless.
Fat.
Cutter.
Homo.
Emo.
Loner.
Loser.
Bitch.
Kill yourself.

"NO!" I scream not meaning too. Keith hears my scream and calms me down right away. I start hugging him and crying into his shoulder. God I love him... but I can't believe love again. I'll just get hurt again. It's not worth anything. Not worth the pain, trauma, crying, feelings, everything. It's all bad.