24 Hour

5

We ate,

We hugged

We talked

We lay in his bed together.

Naked

He has his arms wrapped around me, with my lag across his waist.

I can hear him breathing, I can hear his heart beating, I love him, I am in love.

"I remember when I was younger I said I wanted to be a psychologist, so I can read peoples minds."

He chuckles at my younger selves ignorance.

"When I was younger I said I wanted to be happy, I never wanted toys, never wanted video games, candy or money, just happiness, and I have all those things plus happiness."

"You have toys," I ask sarcastically.

He kisses my forehead.

I look at the curtain, the orange glow of the sun rising behind the curtains. I don't dear ask of the time because it doesn't matter when you are happy, you live now and always because time will go by whether you are happy or sad, excited and scared.

"Can I tell you a story?"

"Yes baby," he says smoothly sending shivers through my body.

"When I was in middle school I met a girl, her name was hope, I met her at a park in the neighborhood, she was sitting on the bench eating chips, she only had one hand, the other arm stopped at her elbow. It was interesting, we started talking and it seemed that we had many things in common, so every day I would meet her at the park and we would talk one day I asked her did she have any candy or a little snack but she told me no, but she offered me a plate of mashed potatoes and bacon, if it were too unusual I would've taken her up on her offer, but I told her no. She told me that she would be going to the same school I was and we became closer, 6th grade past, we were really close, 7th grade, we got into so many fights with each other, so many arguments always resulting in us saying we weren't friends anymore, and she would go by her word, leave me and go off to the other kids, who happened to be popular kids, and I was left by mysfel, and whe I couldn't take it anymore I chased after her and we became friend again, 8th grade we started going out, we would sneak to go and be with each other, I only went out with her because I thought that she would bbe forced to commit to me and never leave me, I wrote a love letter to her, which she left in a desk at school and somebody had found it and gave it to the teacher, who gave that to the guidance counselor, and the guidance counseler told my mother, and she was outraged, she beat me, and that's where my life startsd to fall apart, We started to skip class together, and make out in the bathrrom, I loved her so much, she told me what I wanted to hear, she listened to me, she helped me find my purpose, and when ever we were caught by my mother dong domethns, she beat me, I didn't care, I wanted hope and I would do anything to get to her, but one day hope went missing and her mother came to my house knowing that we hang out, but my mom imformed her of me not being able to be around her, so now her mom knew, but we kept hanging out no matter. I loved her more than my own family, I loved her more than myself, I loved her enough to sacrifice myself for her, but she didn't love me, I always knew she didn't she never did, and I can't help but think to this day that I wasted three years of my life with her, sacrificing myself, my loved ones everything for her, but she didn't even love me, and I hate myself for doing it, I hate myself whenever think about her who is probably living life right now and laughing and smiling but I still am regretting, fighting off tears because I can't be week, and I have to put on a strong face for my loved ones, never let my guard down, so they won't see I am hurting," I wipe my tears and lay back down on his chest, and unclench all the muscles in my body.

"Do you still love her?" Rome asks.

I think before I answer so I can tell the truth, do I still love her, is that why I can't let go?

No, I just want her to love me back, so I can turn the other cheek- but that's so immature, move on, but I can't, why?

Because I still love her.

"Yes Rome I do still love her, but not relationship wise, I just want to know what it feels like to have all the attention and love you could possibly want, but you abuse it, and you lie, instead of returning and reciprocating all of that."

"But since you said you are giving her all the attention and love, do you think she actually wanted it or did she tell you to stop-

"Never, she wanted me to kiss her and touch her and do all these things for her."

"I think I know now, she was a kid at the time, right?"

"Right."

"She wanted you to love her, she wanted someone to chase her around because nobody has ever done it before and at that time its what she wanted, so she played you and played you while you were deeply in love, amehr, she never wanted to love you she wanted to put into her own mind that people were chasing after her, that somebody wanted her."

I try to muffle my cries because I can't be weak, even though my heart is telling me to cry and let it go.

"Why me though?"

"You were the only one who showed interest, baby, I'm sorry that happened to you, if it was me, I would've loved you right back, even more." He tells me wrapping his hand around my neck and kissing me.

"It just sucks that I got my ass beat for her so many times, and she didn't even love me."

"But I love you now, and I would die for you without hesitation, o stop thinking about this move on."

I squeeze closer to him, I love this man.

We lay in his bed

Naked

But with abstinence