I'm Richard | Johnny Depp [Complete]

Chapter Twelve | Broken

Violet's POV:

I was working on my final project on my laptop right next to Arrow in a study room. In a half hour we'd be heading into our very last class of our first semester of college. That just so happened to be our creative writing class. "Do you think professor Jenkins will let us write during the class period?" Arrow asked me, breaking the comfortable silence that was hanging heavily over us. "I hope so, because if he doesn't then I'll be turning in a half finished story." I replied feeling a little nervous. "What? I thought you were almost finished with yours?!" He replied with wide eyes. "I deleted it all a couple of days ago. I just couldn't motivate myself to keep writing that story. It just didn't feel right anymore." I replied with a deep sigh. A sympathetic look filled his eyes as he stretched out a hand and rubbed my back. He probably figured the recent events had something to do with it, and to be honest... it did. I couldn't write a happy story when I wasn't feeling happy at all no matter how hard I tried. "Well, I bet you'll probably get the best grade in the class." He said with a small smile before he went back to his writing. I smiled to even though it was half genuine and half forced. Instead of writing in silence I decided to put my headphones in and listen to some music. Coma White by Marilyn Manson filled my ears and I just focused on the lyrics for a few moments.

There's something cold and blank
behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile

'Cause you were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today, today, today
to run away

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a Polaroid
that lost all her dolls

You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today, today, today
to run away

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

Then I went back to writing and hoping I got the story finished before it was time to go to class. In the half hour we had I managed to finish it all except for the very last paragraph, and I hoped Mr. Jenkins let us do some last minute writing/editing to our short stories. "Let's get this over with." Arrow said as he lead the way into the classroom. We took our usual seats and waited for everyone else to show up. After professor Jenkins to roll call he told us he'd allow us the remaining time after we finished the exam to do touch ups to our stories. 'Thank god.' I thought as he handed out the written exams. I wrote my name on it first before I got started looking through the multiple choice questions. Once I finished the test I handed it in before going back to my story. I quickly finished the last paragraph before proof reading it for anything I needed to fix. I bet if I was in a different state of mind I'd probably find what I written extremely disturbing. Especially since it had touches of Jack The Ripper and Sweeney Todd vibes to it. 'Hopefully professor Jenkins doesn't suggest I seek mental help after reading this.' I thought inside of my head as I changed a few scenes and some dialog around. When I was completely satisfied with it I saved it to my flash drive and then printed it off since there was a printer in the classroom. Once it was finished printing I tried to staple it together, but there were too many pages for a manual one to work. "There's an automatic stapler in the staff room just across the hall. I'm sure whoever's in there will let you use it." Professor Jenkins said with an amused smile on his face. "Okay." I replied in a hushed tone just he had. I left the classroom and knocked on the staff room door. It opened and I was a little surprised to see Peter was the one who opened the door. "Hello, Violet." He said with a smile on his face. "Hello. I just came to use the stapler." I said shyly. "Oh, go ahead." He replied with happily. I stapled my papers together and talked to Peter for a few minutes before going back to the classroom. After I turned my story in I was allowed to leave. So I gathered my things and headed towards the library just like Arrow and I planned to do if one of us finished first. I went straight to the back of the room so I wouldn't be bothered by anyone else. After I sat down I suddenly remembered that this was the table Richard and I talked at a while ago. It was when he almost scared the crap out of me. My heart ached and I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. I tried my hardest to prevent them from falling, but I couldn't hold them back. Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks and I buried my head in my arms on top of the table. I didn't want anyone else to see that I was crying. I didn't have to worry about anyone hearing me cry, because I don't make any noise other than sniffling. I highly doubted anyone would notice me sniffling due to the rapid clicking of keyboards. Everyone was in final exam mode. I pulled the hoodie I was wearing closer to my body so it felt like I was being hugged or held. All I wanted was to be in Richard's arms, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. "Hey." A familiar voice said, catching my attention. I lifted my head and wiped my tears on my selves as I made eye contact with Arrow. "Oh, Violet. Come here." He whispered as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. Once I calmed down I opened my backpack and took out a travel pack of tissues to blow my nose. I threw the used tissues into a nearby trashcan and just sat there feeling so miserable and broken. "They have free hot chocolate in the cafeteria today. Do you wanna come get some with me? It'll warm you up and make you feel better." He said sweetly with sympathy in his eyes as he looked at me. "Sure, Remus Lupin." I said with a small smile, which made him laugh. He didn't laugh too loud though; he didn't wanna get kicked out of the library on our last day of the semester. We grabbed our backpacks and left the library to get cups of hot chocolate. He ended up getting whipped cream on his and I went the traditional marshmallows. The cafeteria was in so much chaos that we went for a walk around the school. Oddly enough we ended up at the bench that was dedicated to Richard. "This is. This is the bench." I said in a whisper. I wasn't sure why I whispered, but maybe it had to do with how quiet this hallway was. You could literally hear the sound of a pen dropping. "Let's go somewhere else." Arrow said in a whisper as well. "Can we sit instead?" I asked, and he nodded. The two of us walked up to the bench and sat down after taking off out backpacks. I ran my fingertips over the bronze plate with Richard's name engraved on it. Neither one of us said anything. We just drank our hot chocolate and looked out of the window overlooking the campus pond, which was frozen over. An imagine of Richard and I attempting to ice skate popped into my head, and made me smile a genuine smile. But as the image of us faded so did my happiness. "What were you thinking about?" Arrow asked me curiously before taking a sip of his hot chocolate. I told him that I imagined Richard and I ice skating on the pond. Which ended in the both of us slipping and falling down. "Do you know how to ice skate?" He asked me with a small laugh. "No." I replied before taking another drink of my own hot chocolate. After we finished our drinks we got up and walked back down to the hallway. We threw our cups away before heading over to his dorm in my jeep. Joe offered a place for him to stay since everyone who wasn't taking winter classes had to leave the dorms. I had to help him pack up his things, which wasn't too bad; it kept my mind off of Richard for a while. After everything was ready to go we helped each other take everything out to my car. Then we got in and buckled up. I cranked up the heater so we could get warm before pulling out of the parking lot. We drove in silence most of the way to my uncle's place, but he eventually broke it. "Violet, I want you to know that you aren't alone. If you need someone to talk to I'll always be here to listen and comfort you." Arrow said. When I glanced over he was already looking at me with a slightly worried look on my face. I knew he was referring to my break down in the library earlier. He didn't ask what was wrong, because he already knew but I knew he was concerned about my well-being. Ever since it happened I haven't been myself. All I do is sleep when I'm home and I barely talk to anyone anymore. Deep down I had a feeling that Arrow and Joe had been talking to each other about my behavior. In all honesty I didn't blame them for being worried about me.... even I'm worried about me. Nothing I use to do gives me joy any more, and it's scary as hell. "I know. I... guess I'm just not ready to talk about what happened yet." I replied with a deep sigh. "I understand that. I'm just saying that when you're ready to talk I'll be ready to listen." He said and have him a small smile. Once we reached my uncle's house I parked the jeep in the garage. I helped Arrow carry his things inside and up to guest bedroom. After everything was put away the two of us went downstairs to make some tea. Joe was still at work and I hoped he'd be able to come home early, especially since the roads were starting to get bad. Snow was just pouring from the sky. The snowflakes didn't look like feathers like they had on the day I lost Richard, but they were still pretty thick. A heaviness seemed to rest itself on my shoulder and my insides hurt a little. "Fuck." I said with a sigh as I put the kettle on. "What's wrong?" Arrow asked with a curious sort of tone in his voice. "I miss him... I miss him so much." I whispered as tears filled my eyes. I felt so pathetic and worthless because I was crying so much today. I felt weak. I've never shown my weakness in front of anyone for as long as I can remember, but for some reason I just couldn't hold my pain inside. I wasn't able to keep the tears from falling when they came. "Shhhh, come here. It's okay. I know you miss him, Violet. I know." Arrow said as he tightly wrapped his arms around me. I wrapped my arms around him as well and cried into his chest. He gently rubbed my back to try and sooth me, and it helped a little. I hoped I'd be able to control my emotions around him and my family. I'm just worried that my sadness might take a toll on their mental health. We hugged until the tea kettle started whistling. "You go ahead and go into the living room. I'll make the tea for us." Arrow said sweetly. I wiped my tears away with the sleeves of my hoodie and blew my nose with a paper towel. I didn't feel like searching for a box of tissues. He made the tea and joined me in the living room. We sat on the couch watching tv while I cuddled up with a soft blanket. I savored the delicious herbal tea, which calmed my nerves a great deal, as we watched Parks and Recreation. Arrow made sure to keep the tv on comedy based shows to keep my spirits up. Somehow I guess I must have fallen asleep after finishing my tea, because I woke up to the smell of frying hamburger and tomato sauce. I stretched slightly and rubbed my eyes before slowly getting up off of the couch. Instant regret filled me as I moved, because my back was sore. 'You shouldn't have fallen asleep on the couch.' I said to myself as I sleepily made my way into the kitchen. I found Joe and Arrow cooking dinner together. "Hey there sleepy head." Joe said with a smile as he gave me a hug. "Hey." I replied as I hugged him back. My hair was probably a mess and my clothes were mouse likely all rumpled, but I didn't care. "Did you have a nice nap?" He asked as he put pasts in a pot of boiling water. "Yeah, I did actually." I said through a yawn. Instead of helping them cook I decided to go upstairs and take a long bath. 'Maybe that'll wake me up.' I thought inside of my head as I walked up to my room. I filled the tub up with warm water and undressed. I took off the necklace I got a few months ago at the circus; it was the only piece of jewelry I had on. To be honest it's the only item of jewelry I've been wearing since it happened. I just don't have the energy to put on all of the other necklace and bracelets and rings I usually wear. After sitting my necklace on the counter I shut off the water and got into the bathtub. The warmth relaxed the tense muscles in my back and helped me relax. I just soaked for a little while before I actually started washing myself up. When I covered my arms with soap a few spots on my wrist burned, but I wasn't surprised. There was a reason why I've been wearing nothing but long sleeves recently, and that's because I started hurting myself. I'm not proud of it. It's not like a really enjoy it. It's just... the only way I can deal with the pain since my depression prevents from doing anything creative. I can't even open up my sketchbook without having my chest tighten up. I can't open the Wattpad app without feeling like I'm suffocating. Eventually I was able to press my thoughts to the back of my mind and finish washing up. When I was finished I dried off and combed through my damp hair. I put on a pair of gray sweatpants and a navy blue shirt, which was long sleeved and a little too big for me. I slipped on a pair of flip flops after putting my necklace back on. Then I walked back downstairs even though my bed was tempting me to just go to sleep. Dinner had finished cooking by the time I walked into the kitchen. We filled our plates and sat down at the dinner table. All of us drank coke with our spaghetti and garlic bread. Joe and Arrow made small talk as we ate. I really didn't feel like talking, but I tried just so they would worry about me and exchange looks. Having people exchange looks when you know the look is about you is the worst feeling ever. When we finished eating I cleaned off the table while Arrow washed dishes and Joe put everything away. The three of us ended up in the living room watching tv. I covered up with my soft blanket and snuggled into my uncle's side. Being with him and my best friend was nice. Without them who knows where I'd be or what I'd be doing right now. They were the only thing keeping me from losing my mind. At nine o'clock, Joe went into the kitchen and came back with chocolate cake as well as cups of coffee. We left all off our dishes on the coffee table as we watched Due Date. I knew Arrow picked it just to make me smile and laugh. Honestly I was glad he chose that movie, because I haven't seen it in a while; it made me laugh as well. Before I knew it it was time for bed. We said goodnight to each other and went to our separate rooms. I changed into my pajamas before climbing into bed. All of a sudden I just felt lonely even though I knew I wasn't alone. I shut off the lights and snuggled into my covers wishing I was snuggling into Richard's chest. After what felt like forever I eventually fell into a deep sleep.

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A/N: Thanks for reading!! Remember to vote, comment, share, etc. :) <3