61 seconds

40 seconds

The time ticks and you're going to do this still, oh of course you're going to do this. You'll always be completely done with everyone and everything around you.

You're tired.

You're tired of the fact that people always ask if you're okay, if you need anything, if you want anything.

You're tired of the fact they were taken away from you so soon.

You're tired of the fact that I let it happen, I didn't protect you, although I had promised.

You're tired of the fact that I had left you after this.

39 seconds

You shift as the cold blade sinks deeper into your skin, however still not deep enough to cause any damage just yet though.

And you remember the day they had all died, you sat; sobbing, on the corner of the street just aside of the cars wreckage. It was a dark, bitter night, shivers constantly rushing down your spine although you didn't care. You could literally see your families lifeless bodies being taken away.

A small crowd had gathered pretending they cared about who had just been brought up to the Silver City when in reality they were just curious, nosey to see if they could swing the attention onto themselves, to gossip, to start hungry conversations with people just wanting to grab anything they want so they can forgot their sad, lonely lives and dip themselves into someone else's.

They didn't care whether it would hurt you constantly talking about and you had wanted them to shut up, even for a second.

You wanted the world to be quiet, so you could say goodbye and hopefully they would be able to hear you.

Then I had came along, I appeared and perched down beside your shoulder. And where you had been sat down with your stingy, cold hands popped into your long red coats pocket now being complexly still, being silent, your eyes fixating on all four of their lifeless bodies, you finally let out a small quiver of a noise, but it was something.

I had embraced you, letting your silent sob grow as you let your tears stain my dark trench coat.

I had hushed you, rocking ever so slightly, trying to calm, we had sat there for hours-- long after the scene had been disserted. Being just us and your families killer wreckage.

And for a moment you had fallen asleep, your face still damp from your tears, your cheeks rosy and swollen from your continuous crying and I had brushed an afloat piece of hair hovering around your twitching eyes. As I placed a small kiss on the top of your head I picked you up and slowly carried you home.

38 seconds

You sigh as you remember the words you had repeated continuously after I had disappeared.

37 seconds

"You said I'm not leaving you" You shakily recalled.

36 seconds

"But you could have crossed out the not."

You sigh as your press your forehead tightly to the dewy shower glass, the knife following your every move. Steam filling your bathroom making it seem misty and hard to see, but for a second you swear you see me in the fogged up mirror...

But you could just be mistaking it for yourself.

35 seconds

I would appear in the most random of times, causing comfort or was it pain?

However the first few weeks after your families death I did bring you comfort, helping you in ways that you could no longer remember; so small, yet so kind.

I was there to help you start up your life again: go back to work, continue to University school work, look after your house, your pets, yourself. A true Angel.

Until I had remembered, my main purpose, my deal with my creators, what I was really sent to do, and the Angel in me flew away leaving you lost and confused.

I had disappeared when you needed me most.

The person that actually you were growing to love again in yourself faded a little when I first left.

You couldn't understand what you'd done.

And you create little speeches inside your head in hope that one day you may actually let the words escape your lips. Almost to tell me off, to yell at me.
That there is this better version of you inside of your head; the version that I know best, and that version of you is braver and more confident and ever so sassy and you love that version of yourself but not the person to whom you are now.

So you never actually say those speeches, those words, you just let them bubble up inside of you along with the adrenaline that lies within next to them. You've never known any differently.

34 seconds

I had given you choices when I had stuck around, just little things to help numb the pain, make it better, a proper Genie-in-a-lamp type wishes really.

They had started off small then gradually grew amongst the power of trust I'd consume from you.

But of course I'd only go and take that away leaving you truly hopeless.

33 seconds

I had been gone for weeks and no matter how loud you'd yell for me I wouldn't return until you whispered—

'You had made me a promise— we had compromised.'

And so I finally decided to reply, to lay on my true nature.  'You had to choose.'

'And I did choose, but you gave me neither. And you were never on that list, you were never mine to choose, I never chose you.'

You had asked for your family back, had you truly figured out what I really was?

32 seconds

But for a time you'd push it aside, although you believed I was your guardian Angel you didn't actually truly believe, did you?

You had thought to yourself that I was originally some regular, nice guy.

Not some supernatural, celestial being.

And so you done what you know best, you panic, you run, you scramble, you thrash. you throw up this wall surrounding myself in tempt to explain and protect yourself. You block everyone off and you zone everyone out in order so you can sprint away from it all.

31 seconds

But after a few days, for a moment— just a moment in time you almost seemed okay, you seemed complete and whole again.

'Why are you so happy this week?' They had asked, but you didn't want to tell them the truth, the truth about me. So you said that a huge weight had been lifted off of your shoulders; that you didn't believe me anymore. Yet in fact you did believe in me, you believed in me so much that it had made you happier even when I had let you down.

But I was getting almost too close originally, it was getting messy.

And it was that moment I decided I needed to take you, not matter how long it took, I was going to seal my deal.