Chapter 13 - Construed
"I'm sorry," I said the third time after sniffling and wiping endless tears from my face. Unable to face Chevron quite yet my head remained bowed. The ribbon from my hair loosened and fell to the leather seat between Chevrin and I, creating a silky barrier.
"No apologies. What happened to you, Felicity?" Chevron's smooth deep voice was concerned and empathetic. His arm was settled around my right hip, his right hand pushing a few strands of hair from my face.
My jaw quivered and I shook from the raw remembrance of my flashback. Taking a deep breath I tried to push that negative image back into the recess of my mind. I blinked and tried to face my date clearly. "I um... It's nothing."
It's a petty lie that everyone knows it's a lie, but few have the courage to face it. Especially the one telling it, in this case, me.
"Don't lie, beaute coloree..." Chevron laid a soft kiss on my forehead. The steady care in his voice made me quake in appreciation and look up, into his eyes. He seemed to be pleading with his eyes to let him in on my worries and cares, to let me know that I didn't need to lie to him.
"It's too embarrassing... and frightening," I admitted, my voice still wavering.
Chevron nodded. "I understand... but I would like to know whatever is hurting you so."
I inhaled a deep quaking breath. I had never told anyone what happened... between me and my ex. Not my mother, father, brothers, friends, not even my ex had any idea of the suffering I'd gone through at his hands. No matter how I had tried to suppress that cold excuse for a relationship from my mind, it would never leave me.
The desire to share this inner turmoil churned deeply in me. I wanted to tell Chevron... I thrived for another person to understand what pain I went through.
So I told him.
"Chevron... it started three years ago." I started slowly, trying to phrase this right. In actuality, I had rehearsed the story a thousand times in my head and through silent tongue, for the very moment that I would share it with someone. Somehow... the words were born from my lips in an entirely different manner and I found myself sounding monotone and cold, as if trying to burrow the raw emotion in the cemetery of my heart.
Chevron nodded encouragingly. I swallowed and licked my lips before continuing.
"In the summer of 2012, I went through a stage of loneliness and depression. I felt nobody could harm me any further, and that nobody could help me. Thus, I tried to fit in with the 'IN' crowd by meeting up with some old classmates. I acted 'cool' around them, tried out a bit of mild drugs, smoking, drinking, I stole a bit here and there, snuck out from my parents' house every so often. I was a mess, or at least on my way to becoming one. I even went so far as to play Truth or Dare with some crazy kids in the neighborhood and ended up getting dared to kiss my ex friend's brother, and getting a picture of it as well. It was a thrill, excitement, and dramatic experience that sated the pain... for a bit.
"I found myself crawling back and forth between all these thrilling moments to babysitting, drinking, staying out at night... I thought it was okay. I didn't know that such mindless, careless acts could cause such harm. Neither did I expect it to weakness me to such a state of vulnerability that I would open my arms for anyone to 'relieve' me of my depression and 'badass' attitude.
"That's when one of my brother's old friend, Jason, really showed up in our lives again... Especially mine." I shuddered from just saying his name and licked my lips, trying to calm the jitters that came from seeing his face in my mind.
YOU ARE READING
Saturation
RomanceWhat do you do when you can't see colour? Felicity, an aspiring oil paint artist, has been colour blind since she was three. She's always dreamed of seeing colour... literally. Only in her dreams, where everything is saturated, it is also scary...
