He smells like strawberry (Boyxboy)

All we need is a little chemistry pt 1

It has been days since that dreadful night. What seems a date to set things straight turned into a night of misery due to a Series of unfortunate events. It's not waking up on the right side of the wrong bed. I never felt so much disgust of myself ever before. I don't know who I am or what I am anymore. I don't have self-esteem or dignity left. What bothers me most is I have to be responsible for her regardless I was aware or under influence. You can't just have sex with anyone and just leave her like a piece of tissue you discard after using. Who knows with that night she might be pregnant. The only way to know for sure is to wait for a month and asked if she has gotten her period or not. What's done is done, we just need to deal with its after effects.

I have looked on the bright side:

A) I couldn't remember what happened that night after the main course (but the thoughts of it being imagined in my brain is enough for my gag reflex to turn up.)

B) I set Luhan straight before this happened and I have more reason to stay away from him (I know it's hard but it is a start?)

C) I'll be the straight guy who has a girlfriend that is pretty and talented.

(No society will ever judge me.)

But the only thing I really find comforting is the last optimistic benefit. The first and the second are lies. The first drills curiosity on how did it happen and why did I let it happen ache my mind, and breaks my train of thought and composure. The second is the road to loneliness. At first I was just asking space from him to figure out things, then I somehow betrayed him by hooking with a girl I just met, and now I need to be responsible for what I've done. What if he's mad at me and will never forgive me. I know we aren't in a relationship except friends but I still love him. The more I admit it to myself that harder it is for me to move on but if I don't admit it to myself something is lacking from my being and that gives more weight to what I'm feeling currently. It's a no-win situation. The third one is the only rational benefit I could think of, I wouldn't have to explain it to my brother or my friends. I am free from criticism and discrimination but I feel like a coward and caged like a bird just by thinking of the thought of it. So it will always be the same except for Luhan. He doesn't even care or take interest at me before, so why would he do now. We're just friends. And it's all my freaking fault. We could have been friends with benefits? Urgh!!! So stupid.

It's been a few days since I saw Luhan. He always seem happy hanging out with Jessica and sehun in their cool kids table. Kai is busy during lunch taking up refreshers and make-up classes. I would know since Chanyeol is also taking them. I hang out with Kris and Chen at our table, ever since that night I haven't asked DO to make me food. I barely eat them anyways so why waste it but today DO made me a bento good for 4 persons. He was inspired to cook Japanese after watching Spirited Away on blu-ray last night and made plenty of shrimp tempura, chicken teriyaki, and rice cakes. At least I know Chen would love them.

"Baekie, you know I'm allergic to shrimps right? Are you mad at me?" Chen said distastefully as he tried to poke the shrimp's tail motioning it like it was actually swimming.

"Yah! Chen don't play with food. You're parents gave you lunch money right? So buy your own food instead of leeching of baekie." Kris said while tried to get his 2nd tempura.

"Sorry, Chen. It was DO who prepared this. It's his Japanese craze phase again. You can have my chicken teriyaki if you want I'm not that hungry." I said. I haven't touched it yet but I'm not really hungry. Seeing luhan laughing from a far saddens me and thinking of him made me lose my appetite. You can't really have it all. I want to be near him but I can't. I did something that even I couldn't forgive myself.

"Don't tolerate this beggar. He will take advantage of you. And please eat something you're already skinny to pass as a Victoria secret model." Kris said while eating another tempura.