"Luke, I'm going to propose an idea to the two of you, and whether you do it or not, it's up to you." He spoke.
"You haven't been back to the house since that day, right?" Andrew spoke.
I nodded softly
"The house is still owned by your mother- it's paid off and hasn't been touched rather than being cleaned." He spoke.
"If you feel as if you're strong enough, go to the house, take a walk around- remember what happened that morning, separate the real from the fake." He spoke slowly.
"I don't think that's the best idea" Luke spoke quickly.
But I didn't think it was a bad idea surprisingly.
I hadn't even seen the outside of the house in over a year, but I had thought about it.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
Luke scheduled a recommended follow up, which did nothing but annoy me, and he started driving us home.
"What if I wanted to go to the house?" I mumbled quietly.
I saw his head turn to me, but I didn't look.
"I mean, I'm not going to hold you away from it, cause that's only going to make you want to do it more- and that's not something you should do alone- at all." He spoke swiftly
"But if we do it, we're going to have some ground rules set down."
As soon as we got home, Luke brought up the idea proposed by Andrew- and none of the guys had a positive reaction.
"She's not going into that house-" "she wants to" Luke cut Ashton off, making Ashton look to me.
"Why Kay-" "I just want to look around and see if I remember anything more from the day" I mumbled out.
"Baby, That House has been abandoned and closed up for almost a year- it's also going to be very raw and a hard place for you to be, I'm not sure that this is a good idea." Michael chimed in,
"I feel like I need to see it." I spoke what my heart was almost demanding.
"I need closure." I finished quietly.
All of the guys exchanged a few glances.
three days later
"We are setting boundaries before we even get into the car." Luke spoke as I tied my shoes, nerves bundling in my stomach.
"There will be a few police with us due to the fact that the house is closed and considered under non-living conditions, so don't freak out over them, but if they say it's time to go- there's no arguing." Luke spoke, crouching in front of me to make me look to him.
"If you have an anxiety attack, I'm picking you up and we're leaving, no argument."
"If you see anything that upsets you, you have to talk to us, don't hold the emotions in."
"And lastly, you will talk to atleast me the entire time- talk to me about what you feel, is that all okay?" Luke finished.
"Perfect"
Therefore we got into the car and Ash drove.
I held Luke's arm, within twenty minutes I was seeing familiar neighborhoods.
I soon saw the neighbors I used to go play with, the familiar houses and yards until we pulled into a driveway where there was two police cars.
We got out slowly, and I looked at the color faded house, the weeds growing up the side of it, the grass almost up to the height of my hip.
"Whenever you're ready" an officer spoke, handing me the keys.
"Thank you" I spoke, taking them into my hands.
I immediately walked to the porch, stepping up it- seeing our flower pot and swing.
I stuck the key into the door, unlocking it and exhaling before pushing it open.
Dust.
But everything was just as I remembered it.
I walked into the living room- seeing our now brown couch that was once green
The tv stand with no tv, dead plants, the dust covered rug.
As I stepped into the house I felt a hand hold my own, giving it a small squeeze.
"I'm okay" I whispered, holding Luke closer to me.
"Where do you want to go?" He asked.
"My room." I mumbled
"Lead the way"
I went to the stairs, avoiding even looking into the kitchen.
All of the guys were silent as we walked through, seeing my half opened door.
I pushed it open, going in completely.
My lavender bedroom, my bed, my dresser, my closet, my bathroom, my rug, my sheets, my comforter- everything was still here and in perfect place
The sheets were still thrown back from when I got up.
I let go of Luke, walking to the side of my dust covered bed.
I stood in front of the dust covered mirror- the exact spot I was when I heard it, and I closed my eyes.
I replayed the memory in my mind.
No door opening, no footsteps, no car outside- nothing.
I went into my bathroom- seeing my toothpaste open on my counter- something my mom would've lectured me about later in the day if the day would've went the way I wished it did.
I walked out, looking to the boys.
"Need to talk?"
I shook my head, heading to my parents room.
I opened the closed door- seeing everything in place as if it was still that day.
My mom and I grabbed not one thing from this house besides what we couldn't live without.
I went to their dresser, looking at the picture frames.
"Can I go to the kitchen?" I asked after a second.
"Do you want to?" Luke's voice spoke.
"I want that to be the last place."
I took Luke's hand, walking down the stairs with him, into the dining room- the kitchen was ten feet away, but I couldn't look out of fear.
"Is there blood?" I asked.
"No- it's completely clean baby."
I trusted Ashton's voice, taking a deep breath and taking the steps into the room that ruined my life.
No blood anywhere
No stains- it was perfect.
Except there was something I hadn't remembered.
A picture frame.
I walked around where I remembered his body being, picking up the picture- seeing my dad holding me in the air when I was younger.
A paper suddenly fell from the back, making me pick it up, unfolding it- feeling Luke wrapping his arms around me.
The paper was almost brown and impossible to read- but I recognized it as a receipt- and I felt my heart break.
And the familiar handwriting
"Kaykay, I don't mean to break your heart. Your mom is leaving me and I can't take it. Be happy. Live without me, God has the plans"
"Kayden" Luke spoke slowly
I stared at the gun receipt
Your mom is leaving me and I can't take it
"Oh my god"
