You found Me (Zak Bagans)

Chapter 7

I hated Christine, I wanted her out of my life forever. She ruined everything that I had been building up with Roxy in the short amount of time. I already missed having Roxy by my side, her soft kisses on my lips, and the way she would let me hold her when she was scared. I needed to find her, I don't care if I would walk for days, I wouldn't stop looking until I found her and until she was by my side once again.

Roxanne POV

What an ass.  

Why did he do this to me?  

Why did Jake have to die?  

Why did Camille have to be my kid?  

Why am I alive?  

My life isn't fair. If God is supposed to love us all then why did he turn my life into this?

I questioned myself as I walked. I eventually showed up at a liquor store. I walked in and bought the most expense bottle of vodka they had. Even though I was only 20 I didn't care. I began to take heavy swigs from the bottle as I walked back to Zak's house. The burn in my throat and boil in my stomach distracted me from the world around me but not from my pierced heart.

Eventually I reached Zak's house, now pretty intoxicated, and walked inside.

"WHAT'S UP JERK?" I slurred as I slammed the door. Nobody responded to my drunk cries, he was probably out with his "girlfriend".

Slowly I climbed the stairs my vision becoming blurrier with each step I took, I looked down at the bottle seeing that it was now more than half empty.

Once I reached my room I began to throw my clothes into my bag. I lifted my bottle to take another sip but it slipped my numb fingers and fell to the ground.

I stared at the broken glass surronded by vodka for a minute. It was like the glass was calling my name, asking me to pick it up and begin to cut myself with. The glass had to be sterile since it was covered in vodka.

I picked up the sharpest piece and twirled it in my fingers putting small cuts all over them.

I placed the cold glass against my skin ready for the relief it would release the second I pulled the shard across.

"This one for you mom." I said slicing my wrist.

"This one for you Jake." I said slicing my other wrist.

I closed my eyes and let myself cut freely, I couldn't tell how deep I was going. The only thing I knew was the amount of relief that flew through my body and the way my tears fell to my wrists combining with the blood.

Picking up a pen I wrote down my last few  

thoughts that ran threw my mind.

"And finally this one for you Zak." I whispered slicing a big Z on my arm where space was left. More blood began to spill out faster and faster making the edges of my vision blur but I ignored it letting relief wash over me.

Zak POV.

I had given up after hours of searching and began walking back home. Maybe she was there I thought as I reached my house. I stepped inside and yelled

"ROXANNE!"

I didn't hear anything in response. So I went upstairs to make sure she wasn't asleep. I walked into her room.

"ROXANNE!" I screamed as I saw her lifeless body laying on the ground.

"NOO!" I screamed noticing the bloody Z on her forearm. This is my fault. I brought this upon her.

I fell to her side and pulled her into my arms. I cradled her gently as I repeatedly firmly kissed her forehead wishing that somehow my kisses would heal all of the cuts and pain. That somehow my love could bring her back to life, that somehow she was only asleep. Or that this was all a dream, but this wasn't the case.

If only I had stayed here waiting for her to come back, I could have saved her. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have opened the damn door when someone knocked. Screw me to Hell and don't let me come back.

"Nothing happened between me and Christine, she kissed me I would never cheat on the girl that stole my heart in such a short amount of time. I don't understand why you had to let yourself slip away like this. I wish you could stay here but I don't know, maybe you're happier now, in a safer, better place where the memories can't hurt you anymore. I hope you wait for me. I love you." I wiped the tears that were falling from my eyes and gently kissed her forehead.

***

I sat on my porch with my knees to my chest and rested my chin on top of them. I forced myself to watch as the paramedics carried away her lifeless body and put her into the ambulance. A part of me had just left me and was never returning.

"Mr. Bagans?" A paramedic asked.

"Y-yes." I stuttered staring into the woods hoping to hear someone yell "She's alive!" but nothing, everyone was silent.

"We found this and think it should be given to you." The paramedic said handing me a note.

"Thank you." I said as the paramedic got into the ambulance and drove away.

I un crumpled the paper slowly feeling my stomach churn at the site of her hand writing.

Zak,

It feels like its been a while since we last talked to one another but in reality it was only hours ago. But soon it will be days, weeks, and then years. I wasn't feeling well, my soul was broken. Jake had just died, and then I saw you with her. A part of me knew that you didn't intend on hurting me the way you did but the other part still forced alcohol down my throat and made me drunk and turned my actions useless.

Yes, it is possible to love someone after 2 weeks. How do I know? Because I love you. I never meant for me to get this crazy. I never meant to fall head over heels for you. Why does the lord love us all and then give me this fate? Tell me that Zak. Tell Camille that her mother loves her, I wish I could of told her myself and accepted her right away. But we're not perfect. Zak I need you to move on from me please. I am not worth it, I never was.

Sorry about the blood on the paper, my hands are full of it and my arm won't stop bleeding. I didn't think a few cuts like this could make me bleed this hard. I thought someone could find me but I guess they won't be here in time. I feel myself becoming dizzy and my writing becoming sloppier.

I wish I could wait for you but I want you to become happy. Maybe we can see each other on the other side, I love you.

~Roxy

Tears began to fall one by one as I read every sentence slowly and a few times over and over. I guess that was it.

Roxanne was gone forever.