Silver

Chapter 58 - then

It took me a long while to get to sleep, I had so many nasty thoughts parading through my head carrying bright red flags. When I finally woke up, my migraine had cleared a little. I sat in bed and opened my zaplet screen and started searching for information. I didn't even know what search terms to use. I started with 'man diaper' and I eventually found something that lead me to something else that lead me to something that said 'Diaper fetish'. It was a true condition.

I read everything I could find on the topic. There were men who had posted their stories on psychology forums seeking help. From what I could understand it wasn't something they'd chosen, it was an addiction that affected their lives and their relationships. I read about one guy who started stealing diapers from his aunty's handbag at seven, when she visited with his baby cousin. As soon as he was old enough to drive and buy his own, he started buying disposables and wearing them at night after work. He was a desperate and he said that he preferred to stay home in his diaper than do anything else, so he'd never been with a woman. He also said that it had nothing to do with being interested in children or being a child, it was the sensory feeling of the diaper on his skin.

All of this was so off the planet weird to me. My anger at Alistair got mixed with pity, but I still couldn't stand the guy. Why couldn't he just control himself? Chuck out the diapers and try to be a normal person? How could I be sure that there wasn't anything more sinister going on? Who gets off on having a shit in their diaper past being a toddler? I scrunched up my hair and I cried into my pillow at how unfair is was that I had to be married to the biggest freak in town.