Yesterday Is Never Coming Back [Shoey]

Chapter 15

[Shane's POV]

As I'm waking up, I feel a weight on my chest. Looking to the pressure that lingers on my chest, I see Joey quitely snoring, with his face on my chest. No-one, not even his Dad, would be able to distinguish the tiny smile he makes when he's sleeping, but I am. Almost as if he's saying: "I am where I belong, right next to the person I belong with." If it were only that simple... 

I had been keeping this from Joey for a while, and he will never know about this, but I had been seeing someone. A therapist, reallly. Not in the romantic kind of way. More like in the "I'm in serious trouble for having the suicidal thoughts and a drinking problem and for almost cheating on the one person that means to me in this world"-kind of way. Dr. Evans helped me, and that's also why I was away for so long yesterday. I went to her practice and stayed there for over two hours. There were so many things I needed to talk about. The alcohol, Joey being back, my irresponsible attitude towards my daughter, etc. She asked some questions, put her notepad down and looked me in the eyes while asking: "Why do you feel guilty?" That question caught me off guard. I don't know. Why? "Because I'm not the guy anymore whom Joey fell in love with." "Howso?" was her reaction. "I've changed. And I feel like Joey won't appreciate that."

She repositioned her small glasses, eyeing me with her ominous look. "You've changed. Okay. In what way?" "I've grown to have a separate life, one without Joey. And that's why I feel guilty." "Shane, that's what every married couple should be like. With those months without Joey, you've separated yourself, and that's fine as long as it's not final. It's not healthy to be constantly spending time with your husband." I felt relieved. "But," I said, not too naive, "How do you explain, then, why I felt like having sex with my ex-colleague?" She leaned backwards, uttering a smile. "You've been living without your husband for six months. You need someone to give the love to you'd normally give to Joey." She paused. "This doesn't justify your behaviour by any means, but it explains it." She was right. I wasn't going to let this define or defy me. I'm going to fight for his love, and he will be mine. Just like he has always been.